I Shall Believe
by BRUCAS123
Summary: Season by season thoughts of Brooke and Lucas at their most pivotal moments. Leading into my season 6, with spoilers up to episode 5. Very core oriented but a few things are changed throughout the years. I'm rating it T, but it's teetering on the line.
1. Season one

Hey everyone. This started out as a one shot but quickly evolved as I outlined it. It's going to be in six parts. Miss Cami asked me to write something out through the seasons to give her hope with the new season. So here's my best shot at it. Hope you all enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters are Mark's babies. The title belongs to Sheryl Crow.

--

**-b-**

She's in the back seat of a car. It isn't the first time she's been in one and she's fairly certain it won't be the last. She's thinking something different this time, though. She's nervous about his reaction. She has seen him before he became a varsity member of the basketball team, before he brought any attention to himself at all. He's so used to being invisible that she's not sure how he will react to her nudity in his back seat. Still she goes about her business, undressing herself piece by piece until she's in only a leopard bra and little thong underwear to match. She's wondering why it's so easy for her to get naked for a complete stranger and yet she can't bring herself to love anyone but Peyton. No one knows that she actually has feelings about anything. It's probably because of her parents, she figures; she's pretty sure that every grown up she's ever known is either an ass, emotionally unavailable, or dead. It's better to just distance yourself from anyone who might hurt her. Peyton would never hurt her. It's why she can love her but even she doesn't know her. She just can't bring herself to disclose everything about herself.

While she's waiting for him to come out, she gets cold so she slips on her new gloves. She realizes that the second she sees him, she'll have to take them off. There is nothing remotely sexy about gloves. At least not these gloves. That's how she wants him to see her. Sexy. She's sure that he knows who she is but she is going to make sure that he never forgets who she is after tonight. She sees him heading toward his old Jeep and she hides herself, sinking behind the seats. He sits down, shuts the door and she pops up and introduces herself. He thinks she has the wrong car but she just goes on talking about the awesome shot that he just made; all the while, taking that seasoned bra off like a pro. Placing it on his shoulder so that he actually has to turn to look at her, something he's been avoiding since he realized she was there. She asks him how it feels and then sees his old coach come up to the window to congratulate him in the weird way of his. She's barely fazed, though, even when he points out that he sees her there. He's beyond embarrassed, she can tell. He's flushed as he turns back to her. She tells him that everything's changed now as she dresses herself. And then, thinking again, she reassures him that the whole popularity thing isn't that bad; although she knows it is and she knows that his brother is not going to make this easy on him. He smiles at her and asks if he can drive her home. He's not just playing the nice guy; he really is a nice guy, she thinks. For the first time ever, she's decides, right then, that he may just be worth the challenge.

**-l-**

He played and didn't suck tonight. Then he got into his car and there was a naked girl in the back seat. Even though he immediately turned away, he saw her. To make matters even worse, Whitey came up and saw the whole scene. So much for good first impressions. When he turns back to her, she's covered, thank God. Now he can hear what she's saying, at least. She's telling him that everything has changed since he hit that shot. His mom said something similar this afternoon and he thinks he probably shouldn't be thinking about his mom when this gorgeous girl is in his back seat, only half dressed. When he turns his attention back to her, she's telling him that he's going to be okay. He wants to believe it but it's hard. His life has always been hard. He hates attention and now there is going to be too much, especially if tonight is any indication. There's a girl, the most popular one, naked in his back seat. Yeah, the guys down at the river court would never believe him if he told them about this. He does what he thinks is the right thing; he offers her a ride home. His mom would be proud, he thinks, he is a little disappointed, though.

They make polite conversation but he stays detached. He knows her reputation. He isn't the first guy she's done this for but he's pretty sure he's the first that turned her down. He wants her best friend. So he's as nice as can be to her but he doesn't dare think about the way she looked before he turned his head. He wants a relationship and she's not that type. She says that this is her house and he's reminded of why they've never talked before. They're in front of a stately white mansion. She's one of them. His little brother and her probably know each other from the country club day care. He watches to make sure she gets in and then he trains his mind to stop thinking about it. She's off limits. Peyton is definitely more his type. He's going after her.

**-b-**

Tonight was supposed to be fun. Just her and her best friend going out to forget about their lives for awhile. In reality, they were both trying to forget the same boy. He's basically ignoring her and all over Peyton, when both girls would love just the opposite by the looks of things. Yet here she is, less than 3 hours into their night, frantically dialing his cell phone number. Peyton's not responding and she's scared to death. She loves this girl more than any other person in the world. It would be all her fault if she were to die right now. She took her here. She left her alone to get her groove on and forget. And now she's begging this boy that they mutually like to come and save her.

He's there much faster than he should be and he's pulling her to find the guy that did this before she can even register his presence. He is scaring her. She's sure that this guy is never going to try to hurt someone else again. Lucas is quiet but he's looks like he packs quite a punch. For just one fleeting moment, she thinks that he's even hotter in the state he's in right now and if Peyton weren't unconscious outside she'd even be aroused. He drives them both to Peyton's house and she's surprised when he stays. They google the drugs and find out that she should be fine in a couple of hours but he still isn't going anywhere. She tells him that she's staying and he tells her that this isn't her fault and she even got her out of there. Those words do nothing to ease her mind. This is her fault and she's going to make sure her best friend is okay. She's not leaving her with any boy- and she doesn't care how irrational that is or how different she knows he is. He says he'll go get them some coffee to help keep them up for the rest of the night. Waiting for him, she sits down and prays that Peyton will forgive her for this.

**-l-**

When he was playing tonight with the guys, he was really surprised to see Brooke's number pop up. Now he's really glad she got him to give it to her because he's worried about what she would have done if she couldn't get a hold of him. Who else could she have called? So he goes to get her coffee because he's quickly learning that she's fiercely loyal; she's not going anywhere without Peyton opening her eyes and yelling at her for taking her to the party in the first place. But it's not her fault, he knows this and he's sure that Peyton is going to understand enough to get that she is the one that got her out of there in time. That's why he likes her, right? She's loving and deep. She'd never blame this on her best friend who essentially saved her. It makes him sad that said best friend is even worrying about it. She should get some sleep. He can take care of Peyton.

When he gets back up to the room, she's there on the bed. She starts talking to him and it amazes him that he's never seen this in her. He prides himself on being able to see past people's looks and, yet, he's never seen that this girl has the biggest heart he's ever encountered. He tells her as much because he wants her to know that he sees her; he really sees her. She rivals his mom and that's really saying something. His mom is the most incredible woman on the planet. Then he wonders why he's always thinking of his mom when she's talking to him. They talk for hours and she finally falls asleep. When Peyton wakes up, he explains it to her and reminds himself that this is the girl he's supposed to like. This is the one he wants a relationship with. Later, when he drops the other girl off at her car, he tells her that he never saw her before. But he wants her to know that she's strong, she's tough and that she can call him anytime. She tells him that she trusts him. That means something to him and he finds himself hoping, as she gets into her car, that his words mean as much to her.

**-b-**

She's his girlfriend now. That's what she's telling herself right now. They just decided that they are going to get to know each other, everything about each other. But that doesn't stop the instant pang that she feels when she sees him at dinner with Peyton and Papa Sawyer. He wanted Peyton. She's more his type. They listen to the same music. She's deep and he gets her. There's this small part of her that is just waiting for one of them to come to her saying that they have feelings. The only two people she fully trusts and she's slowly losing it. She thinks about it all night long. He looked perfectly content there, as Peyton's boyfriend. That didn't look friendly to her. The next morning she tells him as much and he barely protests. Then Peyton gives her this speech about them both liking her and her trust issues. She's sure he sent her there. It almost works. Almost. But then she goes to see him and he's at Peyton's. Again. Sitting there, waiting for him, her mind goes into overdrive. And she can't ignore facts any longer.

**-l-**

He sees her sitting on the steps outside of his door and he knows it can't be good. She's got this pained look on her face and he may not know her well but he knows she's usually happy to see him. When she speaks, just the sound of her voice has the ability to make him hate himself for not showing her just what she means to him. Yes, he wanted Peyton but he's sick of playing this game with her. And her best friend is beautiful and sweet and she really deserves so much more than he could ever offer. But he does want to try. So he listens to her and for the first time since that night in Peyton's room, he sees her act less than confident. Insecure, even. As she tells him that they don't have any of the same interests and she can't change herself for him. And he says what he's sure she wants to hear- and what he knows he wants to feel. He loves that about her. She cares about him. She makes that clear. And he's sure that he feels a great deal for her, too. When he returns her sentiment, he doesn't give it a second thought. He wants her to trust him and open up to him. He wants to be that guy for her. As she kisses him, he feels something different. The sex is different tonight, too, slow and gentle. This could be something great; he knows this. He just has to forget about her best friend.

**-b-**

A week ago she was scared that he would never look at her again, never open up those beautiful blue eyes again. Now, the only thing she can see is the pained look in his eyes as he says that he wants to be her friend. She's been trying to call Peyton all day and she's not answering. Some friend she turned out to be. She needs her and she's not there. This boy has broken her. She decides to go shopping. Retail therapy could help. When she gets there, she sees a gray hooded sweatshirt and immediately starts crying. She's been having a lot of firsts. She's crushed and she doesn't even care that people can see her. They'll talk since it's not acceptable for her to be in public crying but she can't be bothered to care. She let him in. He rejected her. She gave him her all- and it wasn't good enough.

Peyton and Haley arrive and for a moment, she's wondering why Peyton is at the mall with Haley. She tells them that she tried calling Peyton; he wants to just be friends. Peyton stands there; she doesn't even try to comfort her. Instead, Haley, a girl who she barely knows and she's sure doesn't like her much, tries her best to make her feel better. It doesn't really work but she leaves. She needs to get cleaned up.

She ends up back at his house talking to his mom about her trip. She wanted her to like her in the worst way. Too bad that it seems that she likes her more than her son does. She's thinking that if he can see that Karen likes her, he may change his mind. Maybe he just got scared about a relationship with his mom around. She sends her into his room to get him and when she gets there he's gone. And as she turns around, the phone rings and she stops in her tracks. Peyton's webcam is up on his computer and he's there, in her bedroom, kissing her best friend. She closes her eyes but she can't rid that scene from her head. She's pretty sure it's going to be there for a long time to come. And in that moment, she lost the only two people that she had ever trusted. Both in one foul swoop.

**-l-**

He opens his eyes to see Peyton and the emergency room. She's worried, he can tell. He goes to reassure her and his mom and her best friend walk in. He's worried now. How does he explain this? Thankfully, they both buy the lie that he made up last second but then Peyton rushes out and he's sorry that she's gone. His ex girlfriend walks out seconds later and he's wishing she would have stayed. Anything is better than his mother yelling at him for going out instead of resting. He thinks that Brooke looked sad as she walked away. All that he can think as his mother yells at him on the way home is that he doesn't want to be the cause of her sadness. And when he brings up Keith to his mom later and she throws Brooke in his face- he wonders, for the first time, if he made the right choice.

Later, Peyton comes over and he immediately forgets her best friend. In favor of the girl in front of him, there's a reason he chose her. He's always wanted her. They connect on a much stronger level. When she starts talking, he realizes immediately that it's not good news. She wants to do the right thing by Brooke and he tries to tell her that the time for the right thing has passed. They've already committed the crime might as well follow through. But she walks away and he's longing to take back the choices he's made lately.

Later that night, he watches as Brooke walks into Peyton's room and makes it clear that she knows. She knows the truth. He can see it in her eyes. If he's being honest with himself, he knew she knew in the hospital. She's never looked sadder to him and that makes him hate himself. He did that to her. As Peyton turns toward the webcam, as if to say, what did we do?, he thinks of something that she said to him right before the accident. She would never risk her friendship on a fling. Ironically, she just did. And all three of them lost.

**-b-**

She's been thinking about it for weeks. She's late and she runs like clockwork usually. Lucas is not going to be happy. When she goes to him, he's very supportive, pale, scared, but mostly supportive. He suggests a test and when it comes out positive and he touches her, she snaps. He didn't want her. He wanted her ex-best friend; that's where he should be, not here rubbing her back. He doesn't want to be anyway. She tells him that she'll be fine. She doesn't want him. As he leaves, she tells herself that this is what she wants; she can do this alone, plenty of women do. His mom is one of them and she's amazing. But then reality sets in and she cries because she knows if she wasn't good enough for him, how could she be good enough for his child?

The doctor's office is cold and lonely and they tell her that a false positive is very unlikely. They all look at her with pity. She can't stand it. When they ask her about the father, she makes it clear that he's not in the picture and he won't be there holding her hand. He's off the hook. So when Lucas shows up outside of the clinic as she's leaving, she's surprised. For a brief second, she wants to just have him hold her but she quickly remembers the image on his computer screen and that desire leaves her completely. She shuts him out. She has to in order to survive. She may be being bitchy but he's acting like he did nothing wrong. She has every right to shut him out. Just as he's calling her a slut, the doctor calls. She's so mad that she slips and tells him she's pregnant. She had already decided that she wasn't keeping the baby and she wasn't telling him. Damn him for making her so mad that she forgot what she was even doing.

When he comes to her later that night, pouring his heart out about his dad and abortion, she doesn't have the heart to tell him that she already has an appointment and he can't stop her. So she lies. She tells him that it was a lie; he hurt her so she wanted him to suffer. She's sure he thinks low enough of her to believe that she'd do that. He does. Lucas eats it up. But instead of being mad- he seems more sad. He's sorry about it all. She can tell. But she's done trusting. That definitely includes Lucas Scott. She's decided that he can never be trusted again. When he leaves, she sits in the corner and cries. In two days, she'll be empty. His baby won't be inside of her anymore.

**-l-**

Brooke's pregnant. With a baby. His baby. He just keeps thinking it over and over. Trying to make it go away. What he's thinking most is that he's veered so off course this year. Where did he go wrong? Being with Brooke, choosing Peyton, Jake's daughter's mom, playing basketball at all? He can't decide when it happened. When he turned into Dan. But when Brooke brought the fact that he's turning into Dan up- he pulled a Dan move, questioned the paternity. She got fire in her eyes and the doctor called. She turned to him and clearly said that he was the father. Which just confirmed one thing, Brooke was pregnant.

Dan came to the weight room and told him that he saw them at the clinic. He told him that the best thing he could do would be abortion. Then he tries to get him to see that now he knows how it feels. How he felt when Karen came to him. All that he can think is that this jackass shares DNA with him and he's not going to be anything like him. He goes home to his mom and asks her how close he was to abortion. After telling her about Brooke, she slaps him. He knows he deserves it but he can see the regret in her eyes immediately. She tells him that she wanted him in her life. Then she does something he's expecting- she tells him to go to Brooke. And be there for her no matter what.

When Brooke tells him that she was lying, she's not pregnant. He doesn't want to believe her. But he does. She's mad. He screwed up. He deserves it. He just wants her pain to go away. When she yells that it all hurts in the end, he gets it. He sees it. He feels it. He's sitting at his kitchen table and he doesn't even know how he got there. His mom walks in; when he hears her he quietly says that Brooke isn't pregnant. It was a scare. His mom likes Brooke and, for some reason, he doesn't want that to change. She hugs him because she knows that he needs it. He breaks down in her arms. There's a small part of him that wanted to be there. He wanted to love Brooke, love their child. He feels like someone died.

--

Season 2 should be up soon. Let me know what you think!  
-Corey.


	2. Season two

Alright guys, I'm glad everyone liked the first installment. I just want to thank Kelli for listening to me complain about this and reading it over for me when I need it. Hope you all enjoy this. I'm really into this right now. Remember that I'm setting them up for my season 6.

--

**-b-**

They found common ground in the form of betrayal by Lucas Scott. She and Peyton decided to swear him off and start over. Hoes over Bros. She knew that it'd never actually be that way again. She'd never trust her in the same way again and Peyton could never know her now but there was no other choice to make. Peyton was her only family. She needed her so her own hurt was just going to have to take a back seat. She was different now. Of course- that's what happens when you've had another life removed from your body. But Peyton hasn't realized the differences in her and she's wondering if Peyton ever even knew her just a little bit. When Peyton showed her the letter from him a couple of hours ago, she realized, once again, that she could not trust her. That should have been disclosed immediately. And then they decided to burn it. What were they thinking? He could have said something important in there. Like which one he actually would want to be with. Then she decides that she should not be thinking that way. She has her Peyton. Lucas is a boy. Hoes over Bros. It doesn't matter which one he wants because neither of them are letting him do any more damage to their friendship. She's sure Peyton feels the same way. She does feel the same way, right?

She sees him before Peyton does. They're dancing and laughing on the beach by the fire that just ate up his letter and he just appeared. At first, she thought that she was seeing things. It was her conscience telling her that they shouldn't have burned the letter, that their friendship wouldn't conquer this, and that Lucas would always be between them. He spoke and she knew, then, that he was real. He's back. Dan had a heart attack. Haley and Nathan are married. He needs to be here right now. She's wondering why he isn't at the hospital if he's back because of family. He needed to see them. To make sure all was well. She wants to scream at him that all will never be well when it comes to the three of them sharing the same air. Peyton answers him, thank God, she says it's cool and he should go to Nathan and Haley. They're going to need him there. He walks away and she knows that this friendship reunion would eventually blow up in her face. She's left wondering if Peyton knows it, too, or if she's blissful in denial. The denial that boys can't come between them. That reality is gone but she's going to pretend, for as long as she can. For Peyton's sake.

**-l-**

When Keith told him that Dan was in the hospital, his first thought was of his newfound brother. Nathan has enough to handle right now, what with a new wife and all. Then he drifted to Haley. This was her welcome into the family. Yeah, it's a really screwed up family. Nathan should have taken her name and left the Scott name altogether, he muses. When Keith asks him if he wants to go home, he knows that he does. The whole drive back is spent thinking about the two girls that he can't seem to choose between. Not that he even has the choice anymore. But he keeps wondering which one he really wants to be with. Peyton, he's always wanted her. Brooke, he never even dared to want her and now he can't imagine her light not being in his life. This is going to get hard. He knows it. He decides that he'll find them, make peace with them, and then be friends with both of them. It's easier that way. That's when he remembers the letter. Oh God, why did he write it? Maybe they'll be able to forget about it. He'll find them and ask them to forget it now that he's home.

He finds them on the beach. They don't notice him at first. As he watches them, he realizes that, between these two girls, there's no competition. Brooke is who he wants. She can light up a room. She can make him feel alive. He just can't allow himself to go there anymore. He's done enough damage. She notices him and he stumbles on the story, scared that they both hate him because of the letter. The letter in which he confesses his intense feelings for both of them. Where he says he wanted Peyton longer. That was the only reason she won out. They don't seem to hate him as Peyton speaks up and tells him to be with his family right now and that they were fine. He looks at Brooke one more time to get something, anything, from her. He can tell that she hasn't read the letter. There's hope if she never does. So he decides that he hopes they burnt it. That option gives him a chance to make it up to them. To make it up to her. He wants that chance.

**-b-**

Why are guys such jackasses? As she sits on the beach, after realizing that every guy in the world would lie to her if they were given the chance, that's the only thought that's running through her head. Even Mouth. Felix, she knew she had coming to her. She should never have fallen for him but Mouth; he was supposed to be her friend. How could he lie to her for _him_? She can smell Lucas before he even speaks. She doesn't want his pity right now. Yet, she looks up at him and needs to take a cheap shot. She makes it clear that she still remembers that he lied, too. Then he does something that she knows only he can. He says a few words about her knowing who she is and makes her forget all of the hurt. When he sits down next to her, she just wants him to hold her. She wants him to keep making her feel better. But they can't be that way anymore. Just friends now. The three of them. It's working out, too. She didn't think it was possible but she loves Peyton again and she's even starting to trust Lucas again. Just friends. She just needs to keep repeating that to herself. She didn't almost think she could love him. She didn't almost have his. . . Just friends. And when he offers her a ride home, she reluctantly accepts. But, after breakfast with him, she's happy she accepted. He almost made her forget that all guys are jackasses. Almost.

**-l-**

Nathan and Haley are in trouble. He's worried about them. Last year, if someone would have told him that he would be more worried about his little brother than his best friend, he would have laughed in their face. But he is. He's worried about Nate. And in turn, Nathan has made it his duty to worry about his heart. This HCM test is something that he doesn't want to do. And no one understands it. His dreams are gone if he has it. He's like Dan if he has it. It's the last thing he wants. Something in common with his deadbeat daddy. So, when Nathan starts talking about flaws in his heart, he almost tunes him out. But then he says something that he knows is true, he tells him that he needs to go to the girl in his heart or it'll always be flawed. There's a girl he has feelings for. And even Nate knows that it isn't Anna. But does he know that it's Brooke? Probably not. Like, everyone else, he's probably talking about Peyton. He decides that Nathan's right. He should focus on Brooke. He calls Jake for Peyton. She needs someone and he can't be that guy for her right now. He goes to Anna and lets her know that there's someone else in his heart. She wants to know who. Like everyone else, she guesses Peyton. He tells her that it's Brooke. It was always Brooke. He just got a little bit off track for awhile. She wishes him luck. Then he goes to Brooke. What he sees is enough to break him. She's kissing Felix. He thought it was over but, apparently, it's not. He deserves this, he decides, and she deserves to be happy. If Felix makes her happy, he's just going to stay back and let her be happy. He would do anything for her. Even if it means his heart stays flawed.

**-b-**

She loves weddings. The dresses and flowers and over the top declarations. There's nothing better. Lucas was conned into taking her to Keith's; yep, she was that good. She's so happy that they can do this. Be friends this way. Sometimes she wonders about his baby. She'd be really big right now. He definitely wouldn't be saying she looks amazing. If cows could look amazing, maybe. She really needs to stop thinking about this. If she was that big, he'd hate her. She would have single-handedly ruined his life. She fixed it for him. Now he could live on and decide who he loves. He's not stuck with the girl that he sort of liked for a few minutes during junior year while he was confused about her best friend. She's reading his best man speech. Overcome with emotion, she's crying and he catches her. He has this uncanny ability to make her feel so embarrassed, by the smallest thing. What he doesn't know is that she wishes he could find some words like that for her. Beautiful words that could make this invisible pain go away. She wants him to save her from it. For what seems like the hundredth time this year, she wishes that Peyton didn't exist at all. Then they could be happy together. Instead, she has to pretend to be happy with someone else. With just being friends. She'll never be happy with that.

This wedding was a disaster. Not the mood lifter she needed. And her mother has put the final nail in the coffin with the words that she never thought she'd hate so much. They're rich again. Too bad that means that she's going to say good-bye to everything that means anything to her. Sunny southern California. That's where they're headed. In a week. She'll be rich again and far, far away from anything that matters. Away from her Peyton. Away from Lucas. God, she does not want to leave him. When she tells him, he seems to feel the same way. She never can tell with him. But then he asks what they are going to do. Like it's happening to him, too. And she feels safe. He kisses her on the forehead and she prays that Lucas can fix this. He just has to.

**-l-**

Last year, he knew Brooke existed but he never gave her more than a passing glance and never a second thought. Last year, his fantasies were trained to be about her leggy blonde best friend. When he hears her say that they're moving, it's like time is moving in slow motion. His heart starts going crazy. This can't be good for his heart condition. She can't go. He's not going to allow it. He can't picture life without her. Who can help him? Peyton? No, he should stay away from her. He wants Brooke to want to be with him eventually. Who else is there? Keith's gone and he's not sure when he's coming back or if he'll ever talk to him again. Nathan's too busy being crazy over Haley. Haley is too busy being a rock star and she never did like Brooke anyway. Not enough to help him get her to stay, at least. His mom. She's convincing. She'll get them to listen to her. They'll have to let Brooke stay. She just got student council president. She's in her last leg of high school. They aren't that cruel. This could work. She can't leave him. He won't allow it.

When he left Brooke's house, after talking them into just listening to his mom, he saw them loading the dollhouse into the moving van. That's when he got the idea. He'd give her his room. Red door and all. It was a lot of work but he'd never take it back. He loves her. In this moment, he knows that more than ever. There is no one else that he'd do this for. The girl behind the red door was staying, as long as she'd accept. And he wouldn't take no for an answer. He may not be able to have her as his. But he sure as hell isn't losing his friend on top of it all.

When she smiles at him, the work part completely leaves his mind. She runs into his arms and that's all the answer he needs. She's staying. He doesn't need her love. He keeps telling himself that. This is enough. Her friendship. He shouldn't even wish for more. He has no right. But Felix is out of the picture now and he can't help but hope that maybe she could be starting to feel something more for him too. No, he tells himself, just enjoy this. Enjoy her loving him at all. Even if it's only as her friend.

**-b-**

Lucas might like her. She's been thinking that a lot lately. Why would he just turn his room into her room if he didn't? Maybe he is just a really great friend? No, he could like her. She wants to act on it. They could be better this time. He likes her this time. It's not like last time. She has shown no interest. She's sure of that. She knows how to keep her feelings in check. When Peyton brings it up, it scares her. She wonders if she's really that transparent. And then Peyton says that she thinks that Lucas likes her. She's wondering if her best friend is okay with that. She releases a breath that she didn't even know she was holding in when Peyton says that this time it could be good and that she promises not kiss him this time around. She hopes that Peyton has learned to keep promises. Because she's going to act on it. She's going to forget about last time and start fresh. If only she really could forget it. . .

She's waiting for him to answer his phone and rearranging his closet. No, she's snooping. She just wants to know more about him. Just as she hears his voice- she knocks something over and sees the things that have the ability to break her heart all over again. Pictures, letters, a box full of Lucas and Peyton. A box full of their betrayal. He doesn't like her. He probably just kept her here because he didn't want Peyton to be sad. Of course, he likes Peyton. She tells him that she's happy to be friends with him and that they should keep it that way. And then cries for the rest of the night; only briefly taking a break when the three of them sit down to dinner and Karen lays out rules. She thinks there's something more than friendship. But there's not. At least, not where Lucas is concerned.

The trip to New York is for Haley. Lucas wants her back. She knows him. She goes and they get a lot done for their final. Haley is too close to Chris. It weirds her out. Nathan would flip if he saw them that way. And Lucas looks like he's going to tear them to shreds. Both of them. It gets worse when he finds her in Chris' hotel room later. She's pretty sure that if he thought he'd get away with it, he would kill him. She likes having Lucas as a friend, she's decides. He's protective. So what if he likes Peyton. That could go away at anytime. Their friendship won't. So in the car, on the way back to North Carolina, she lets him know that he can be with Peyton. It won't bother her. And she looks away quickly. She doesn't want him to know that she's lying. Especially when she's trying to lie to herself. She needs to do a better job of it.

**-l-**

Brooke told him he could be with Peyton. He doesn't understand. He had thought that she was starting to like him again. How is he going to get her to love him back if she could be okay with him being with Peyton? The box. He forgot all about it, really. But it was there more to remind him about what he lost than anything else. He lost Brooke. A chance with her. He made her hate him so much that she tortured him for a whole day- lying about a pregnancy. A pregnancy that he sometimes wishes had happened. Of course, they were too young. But if she were carrying his child, she'd need to at least consider him an option at some point, right? Peyton was his biggest mistake. That box was a regret box. Full of things that he wishes he could take away. He has decided that as soon as he gets home, he's burning it.

She didn't really seem okay with it. That gives him some hope. Now that he's looking back on it. No, she's not really okay with it at all. She likes him. She could. Maybe. She's leaving today. He knows he needs to tell her now or she'll be in California with too many guys that wouldn't screw things up. What if she doesn't come back? When he goes to hug her good-bye, he decides that she deserves more than him. And then before he can stop it, he's kissing her. And the confession just spills out. She looks so scared. He can see it. He did it. As she walks away, not giving him any indication at all that she could love him too, he doesn't even blame her. He did this. He's going to have to learn to live with it. And if she decides to come back next year, he'll keep being her friend. He needs her in his life. That's all that matters.

**-b-**

She's crying. He continues to do that to her. The cab driver, the people at the airport, the lady next to her. They all probably think she's crazy. She just keeps crying. He wants to be with her. He kissed her. He regrets Peyton? And somehow all of that just broke her heart even more. She can't be with him. He's the only one that knows how to break her. She's holding too much from him. He can never know about the baby. She can't be without him either. That kiss. There's nothing like it. There's nothing like his eyes looking at her like that. With so much passion. They go right to her soul. She loves him. And she can't tell him that. So somewhere over Texas she pulls out a piece of paper and writes it. She's never mailing it. But he needs to know. She leaves out the baby. Just in case someone finds it.

**-l-**

He is somehow at Peyton's house. It's just them this summer. He tells her about Brooke and she slaps him hard. Great send off, she says. Then she tells him that she'll seriously kill him if he scared Brooke away for good. She needs her. He needs her, too. He tells her as much. She smiles sadly and tells him that Brooke likes him, too. He just needs to give her some time to admit it. He's hoping she's right. They go down to the beach and talk about everything. They both regret whatever went on between them more than any words could explain. But thank God it hasn't taken their connection away; he's pretty sure it'll always be there. He's grateful for it, too. He needs it. It's all he has left. He hugs her and thanks her for being there. And she says she needs him, too. They are going to spend the next three months, together, wallowing. Waiting for Brooke to come back. And, he decides, he's going to prove that she can trust him. She needs to trust him.

--

Please let me know how you all feel!

-Corey


	3. Season three

Hey guys! This took a lot longer than I thought it would. The first part of the school shooting was immensely hard on me. I watched Brooke's monologue from the deleted scenes quite a few times and cried through them. I'm not too happy with the beginning.. It's a rocky start. But it is what it is. I'm so overwhelmed by the response to this. You guys are amazing. When all is said and done, I promise to do a bunch of personal thank you's. But for now- I want to thank my girls on MSN, esp. Christine, Chey, Kelli, and Kristin. Without them, this probably wouldn't even be done now. They convince me that it's good- even when I think it sucks. Enough of my rambling. Onto Chapter three—

--

**-b-**

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. She's decided that whoever "they" are- were the kings of understatements. God, she missed him. Every day, every hour- she didn't stop thinking about him for one second this summer. About his confession. He wants to be with her. **Wanted**. He wanted to be with her. Hopefully, "they" were talking about him too. When she sees him in the airport, after almost three months apart, she remembers why she's been running from him. Why she's been writing letter after letter to him- each one going unsent. This boy isn't just any boy. He's Lucas Scott. And only he has the ability to see her. And only he has the ability to break her. He's done it once before and she barely made it through. She would never survive trusting him and being betrayed by him again. So she smiles at him and does what she does best- puts up her defenses. In this case, she makes a cocky reply up to everything he says. She even pokes at his last minute confession from the last time they saw each other as she walks away. But, as she steps outside, the smile fades away and she's left wondering just how she's going to handle this. How can she be with him without letting him in?

She's in his converted room packing up the rest of her things when he comes in with the neighbor's dug up flowers. She tells him that she's been thinking about it. If she's being honest this is an understatement. Obsessing is more like it. That's a better word for the millions of what if's that are running around in her head and have been since the trip to New York. The confession complicated everything. Before she was wondering if she could handle seeing him with Peyton and now- now she's wondering if it's betrayal if she's with him and it actually works. Because if it works, she took his child away for nothing. If he loves her, for real, he wouldn't have been settling. She's got to stop thinking about it. She can't change it. It's over and done and right or wrong- Lucas is never going to know about it. No one is. She tells him nonexclusive dating and he goes for it. That way she gets to have him and he can't hurt her when he moves on to someone better. And if he's really serious about her- he can prove it to her. Maybe she'll really be happy with this. As he looks into her soul and tells her how much he missed her- she thinks- maybe she'll hate this. Lucas better not let her down.

**-l-**

Nonexclusive dating. What exactly does that mean? They can see other people. But would she? He doesn't want to. That much- he knows. He spent the summer with Peyton and nothing happened. That should mean something to her. She wants him to probe himself to her. He's going to. He's going to pass every test that she throws at him. Brooke Davis is going to love him. She will. He can do this. God, why does this have to be so hard? Because he was an ass who didn't see the shining diamond when he had it. And now he's going to pay dearly to get it back. He's sure of one thing, though, she's worth it. He'd give up anything just to hear her want him back. Love him back.

He goes to see her later and Haley says she's out on the beach. As she saunters up to him, he loses the courage to fight this nonexclusive thing. They have a little banter going and he thinks that he's going to die if he can't touch her soon. So he asks about kissing . . . and more. She's coy. But then he asks if the kissing part can start. When it happens, any doubts he had earlier are replaced. She doesn't need to say it. He can feel it. She may kiss other guys but not like this. This is for him only. He's sure of it. He can do this.

**-b-**

She's really sad. And terrified. Tomorrow they are all starting their senior year of high school. Their final year. What is going to happen to them? Nathan will obviously go to college and play ball. Dan has been talking about that for as long as she can remember. But will he forgive Haley? Will she be with him, cheering him on or will she be touring Europe and Asia? And what about Lucas? Where will he be? Peyton? And where is she fitting into all of this? She smiles as the other would be seniors are cheering about their final year but, really, she's more scared of it than anything. And lost. Who is she if she's not the queen B? She's putting her best efforts into having a good time and not showing her fear but Lucas doesn't take her up on the skinny dipping and she's left with boys that just aren't Lucas. That just makes everything scarier. And then he calms her. In his way, with some beautiful words. He tells her that he is the guy for her. Just like that. In front of everyone. He makes her feel loved with just a few words and then he walks away. Arm around his best friend and she turns and sees the one person who might understand her fear, watching that same scene. Lucas walking away with his wife. She and Nate didn't know them at this time last year and, yet, here they were, broken by them. Maybe they'll all wake up and just love eventually. After all, Lucas and Haley have decided to. But she and Nate can't. They let their guards down once, got hurt, and, she knows, it's going to take a natural disaster to bring those walls down again.

**-l-**

Brooke's holding strong. She's not letting him in. He has decided that he needs to figure out a way to play this game with her. And still win. He's trying the cheesy-lovesick-you're-gonna-look-at-me-every-day tactic at the moment. Her locker is now the best decorated locker in the school. With pictures of them all over it. Courtesy of him. He worked hard on it. And it paid off. The look on her face when she saw the "Brooke + Lucas Forever" written on the little mirror was worth it. She might be holding strong but he's wearing her down. She's going to eventually see that he's the guy for her. And, this time, he's not going anywhere. Tonight, he almost lost altogether. The second that she took off that robe, he knew he had to get out of there or else. Or else what? It would have been a failure. She's testing him. She's making sure it's really about his heart being with her. He's not using her this time; he never was. And he's going to prove it. She wants to play- he's going to play. And he's going to win. Win his spot back in her heart. And he's never leaving it again.

**-b-**

She's thinking that she's brilliant right about now. Her squad is at war because of that fat ass whore and she just found a way to fix it. Okay, maybe Lucas had something to do with it. But seriously, he's picking stupid players- what's that going to do? Her girls get a boy for the rest of the season- and everyone gets peace. Yeah, her idea is totally better. Plus, this way, she can nail down Lucas. No more pesky triangles. If anyone went near him, there'd be hell to pay. And that included Peyton. This Rachel bitch does not know who she's messing with. She thinks that she can just walk in and take over her life. She's got another thing coming. This squad is hers. Lucas is **hers**. She is the queen b and no one- no one is going to take any of it from her. She's had enough taken from her, thank you very much. When the picking starts, everything goes really fast. She and Haley had worked out a plan but then Peyton messed it all up by not choosing Nathan. How could she? And Bevin, what was she thinking? Does she seriously have no brains at all? What just happened? Oh no, Oh no. . . What is Lucas going to think? He's going to think she didn't want him. That's what. How does she explain this? She can't even type his name next to hers. This is not good. Nothing good can come from it. She's decided that she's an idiot. Not just any idiot. The biggest one. On the face of the planet. Well second biggest. Rachel's first- or maybe Peyton. Or Bevin. Okay, she's definitely in the top ten.

**-l-**

She let Rachel take him. She just stood there while someone else claimed him. He's never going to understand that. Never. Maybe she really doesn't want him. He's not winning this game. Not by a long shot. She's playing him like a fiddle. And he's letting her. But he loves her. That has to mean something at some point. He doesn't even want to go on this stupid date tonight. Rules are rules, though. Brooke is going out with Chris. She's going out with Chris Keller. After all of the damage he's done, she's going on a date with him. With Nathan and Haley. That's grand. He's hoping it sucks. He doesn't see how it could be good at all. Rachel has him at the river court. Preaching to him about never finding your true love at such a young age. But what about Peyton, she says. He snaps to attention for that. This could be a test. No, no it's not Peyton. It never really was. Brooke. She's his destiny. And Rachel asks him why so he answers with a favorite quote of his. And then she does this thing where she stands him on the foul line, at an impossible angle and blindfolds him. She tells him to make the shot if it's destiny. If it goes in, then they're meant to be. He hears the swoosh but he asks anyway. He needs confirmation. Brooke's the one. That's all he needs. Well, that, and to see her. So he asks Rachel to take him to her. He's going to tell her that this is crazy. No more games. They're meant to be. Let's stop this. She'll have to agree with him. He'll make her.

The apartment is dark and he's sure that Brooke is just asleep. Hopefully, Nathan decided to work things out with Hales and she won't be here. This is private. Just for him and Brooke. And when he walks in the room and sees her lying there peacefully, he smiles. There's no one more beautiful than her. But as he looks into her eyes, he can tell, something's wrong. And then he sees him. She slept with Chris Keller. He's in her bed. Every fiber of him breaks instantly. She wanted him to suffer. He remembers, so clearly, the night last year when she told him that the pregnancy was a lie. It all hurts just the same. And he's as broken as he was that night. Someone just died. He feels like Brooke is gone. She's dead. Dead to him.

**-b-**

What was she thinking? She wasn't thinking. That's just it. She was drunk and she had just decided that Lucas was the one for her. Then Chris said something and she remembered that he was with Rachel tonight. That whore. She would do anything to sink her claws into anything that wasn't hers. Lucas being top on the list. He's probably so mad at her about not choosing him that he'd be with Rachel just to upset her. She's not good enough for Lucas anyway. Tonight just proved that. She's never good enough. Chris was praising her, at least. No, there was no rationalizing this. It's unforgivable. She's been trying to make Lucas not treat her like a rejectable whore and then she just goes and acts like one. That look on his face. He's never going to talk to her again. She would never talk to her again. What's wrong with her? Lucas _wanted_ her. Why was that not enough? She knows the answer in her head before she even thinks the question. Because she's not enough and she didn't want him to know that. That's why. So much for that. He hates her now.

He's ignoring her. Peyton can't help her. Haley can't help her. They want her to give him the letters. Like it's just that simple. He called her skanky. He told her that she doesn't have to worry about him wanting her ever again. He said it was a mistake. She knows something about mistakes. Too much about mistakes. She's made plenty. She should have a baby right now. And she doesn't. She's standing, just looking at the picture of them kissing on her first day back and she realizes that she doesn't want any more mistakes in her life. She knows how he felt- and how he feels and, yet, he doesn't know anything about the way that she feels. She picks up the letters and before she can even think she's at his door. His black door. She tells herself not to think about it and pushes through it, knocking in spite of herself. And when he answers she just starts rambling. She tells him about how scared she was. She tells him about the letters. And then she turns to go because he hasn't said anything back. And suddenly he's behind her telling her that he forgives her. Just like that. He forgives her and he's the guy for her. And she blurts out the words that she has been thinking for a long time. Too long. She loves him and he shocks her again when he says that he loves her too. And when they kiss, she forgets about all of her mistakes. She wants to stay in this happiness forever. He loves her. **He loves her.** She wants to squeal out loud. That's how happy she is. She's not afraid of this at all. No. At least, that's what she's telling herself. Over and over again.

**-l-**

He's all set to go on hating her forever. He's even starting to hate her more than he hates himself for not seeing it coming. Dead and buried. That's where his feelings for her are. Yeah. Right. It's where he wants them to be, though. And he can sure as hell pretend that that's where they are. Maybe he's wrong. Maybe she's not dead. Maybe he is. That's it. She killed him. Like a black widow. He was an easy target. Too open about how much he loves her. That was a mistake. One he won't make twice. That's for sure.

When he hears the knock at the door, he internally cringes. He's so sick of being told to talk to Brooke by all of his so-called friends, who have taken her side. Brooke is the last person he expects to see standing on the other side of the door. He thought she had enough earlier. She starts talking immediately. About how she wanted him all along; about how she was afraid of being vulnerable for him. Because of last time. He knows right then. Yeah, he hates himself more. He did this to himself. He broke her first. So when she goes to leave, he runs after her. He forgives her. It seems so easy. He'll forgive her. She'll be with him. They both get what they want. She tells him that it's not possible and he says that she's going to have to deal with it because he's the guy for her. When he starts to apologize for the way it was last year, she shakes her head like she doesn't want to hear it. And tells him what he's been waiting for all year. Since the beginning of last summer. Maybe for longer. She loves him. He tells her that he loves her, too. It feels like everything has just moved into place as her lips meet his in what is the most amazing kiss in the history of kisses. He's sure of it. The earth just shifted on its axis. They decide not to ruin it with sex. No, they can wait for the right time. They're together now. Nothing bad can happen now. **They're home**. With each other exclusively. And it's right where they belong.

**-b-**

There are bumps in every relationship. She knows this. Even Anna and Larry Sawyer fought every once in a while. Nothing is always perfect. But she's beginning to think that she and Lucas shouldn't be anywhere close to a relationship. Maybe they are too broken to be with each other. The line on that letter is just too much for her to overlook. She's trying to overlook the fact that he disappeared with her best friend that first day they were together. Or that he isn't the one that turned her designs into Rogue Vogue. But this recycled line is too much. **She's not Peyton**. She just wants to scream it at him. He doesn't want her to be insecure but he's constantly doing things to make her apprehensive about his true feelings. Without thinking, she just runs out into the rain. She needs to be away from him. He's running after her, of course. He never understands her. Never. Soon, he's yelling at her and she's yelling back. She just wants to know what changed. Why is it her now? Why isn't it Peyton? He lists things that are really kind of stupid. They really shouldn't be on a list if you're trying to tell someone why you love them, she thinks. But it doesn't matter. He says he'd stand there all night and tell her all of the stupid things that he loves about her. So she kisses him. Because he does know her. In this moment, she realizes that. That was just what she needed. Him to chase after her and reassure her. And Lucas did that. She doesn't want to wait anymore. She asks him to make love to her. And he picks her up and carries her all the way back to her apartment in the torrential thunderstorm. He goes through the door and straight through to the bedroom. He undresses her and then himself and she just watches him in amazement. He comes over to her and says that he loves her and there's nothing he wants more than to make love to the girl for him. For the first time ever, it's not just sex. It's **love**. Their eyes are connected and she can feel him touching her soul. She's never felt so loved. Lucas Scott is the guy for her. She's never believed that as much as she does right now.

**-l-**

The sun woke him up. Otherwise, he would have been content to just die, lying there all tangled up, naked with her. There was mind blowing and then there was last night. Nothing would ever be able to even come close to that again, unless, it was with Brooke. He's positive that he's only ever going to connect with her that way. There was something poetic about it. They fused together. When he looks over and sees his beautiful girlfriend still sound asleep, he decides to cook for her. Her favorite, his mom's chocolate chip pancakes. Her smile when she comes out is enough to make him insanely happy- and he didn't think he could get any happier than waking up beside her. He's in heaven right now. This is working out. And it's more than he ever could've wished for.

Brooke's in New York and Peyton has just been dropped off in his room, drunk. Not. Good. At all. He considers calling Haley and telling her that they have to switch back but he just can't do that to them. They need time together right now. Rachel could obviously not care less what this does to him and Brooke and then Peyton starts throwing up. So he does what he can. He takes care of his friend. Brooke's best friend. He doesn't care about her that way. Brooke knows that. She'll understand. Peyton needs someone right now. Brooke can't be here. He's doing what she would do. He and Peyton are just friends. When she wakes up and apologizes, he brushes it off and tells her to sleep. He thinks that they may be home free but then Brooke walks through the door. The look on her face says it all. This is not good. He runs after her and after a little coaxing she seems to understand. He just wants her to trust him. He earned it. He worked hard for it. He forgave her. She needs to forgive him and move on. With him. It's all he wants in the world. He hopes that it happens sometime soon. Because Peyton needs both of them and he hates being torn between the two girls. He's already chosen Brooke. What else does she want?

**-b-**

This morning everything was really good. Not perfect. But really good. Close to perfect. Karen and Keith are finally going to be together. They're engaged. They're happy. And that makes Lucas really happy. Peyton is better. Her concert was a huge success. She might even start a relationship with that Pete guy. Nathan and Haley are going to make it. They really are. He didn't break down when she got on stage and her song is amazing. Life is good. Was. Life **was** good. Because it will never be good again. At least, that's how she's feeling at this very moment. She and Peyton were walking into school and laughing at something stupid when someone shot a gun and they both fell to the floor. Someone picked her up and she started running out. She thought Peyton was right behind her. But she wasn't. Peyton was in there. With the shooter. Her Peyton. And she left her there. How could she? She's such a horrible friend. If Peyton dies, she will never forgive herself. Never. Lucas is in there. Nathan went in because, apparently, Haley's in there. Her family. The four of them. They are the closest thing she's got to it. And they're all in danger. She could lose them all. She's in hell out here. Torn between being happy that she's safe and feeling lost because she's alone in her safety. She'd rather die than live through one of their funerals. There are reporters here. She thinks that they should change that occupation name to vultures. That be more on point with what they actually do. When the vulture points out that she's part of the problem, she loses it. Mostly because she **is** a part of the problem but also because she's now a part of the reason that that her family is in danger. She calls Karen. It's selfish but she needs to get out of there. Right now. Karen takes her back to the school and they wait for Lucas. For news. For anything. Praying for good but preparing for the worst. Then Lucas comes out of the side doors. With Peyton in his arms. She doesn't look good. They search him and they put Peyton directly into an ambulance. She can't tear her eyes away from it all. He saved her Peyton. As always. He comes directly to her and pulls her into the tightest hug ever. He whispers that he loves her. Then he hugs Karen and tells her that Keith is inside with Jimmy. She gasps. Then one shot rings out. And a couple of minutes later another. They all stand there in shocked silence. What does that mean?

Keith's dead. He somehow got into the school while Karen was coming to pick her up at the old gym that day. Jimmy shot him. And then he killed himself. Karen and Lucas are so lost. Keith is never going to smile as Karen walks down the aisle in that beautiful dress that she had planned. Lucas is never going to stand next to him as their dreams all come true. Karen is never going to get to make up to him all of the mistakes that she made last year. She feels like nothing will ever be good again. As she stands there, at his funeral, at his wake. Lucas' girlfriend. And yet, Lucas is gone. He's disappearing right before her eyes. Karen is a shell. She's making sure that the café is okay. Deb's helping with that. She's cleaning the house and making sure they eat. If they eat. She can barely think about how this affects her. About the fact that she's just lost the only male adult, in her life, that isn't emotionally unavailable. She loved Keith. And he was great to her. And now, he's gone. To top all of that off, Lucas saved Peyton. Which has just brought her insecurities about his feelings to an all time high. He loves Peyton. He loves her. But which one does he love more. She's not even sure she wants the answer to that question anymore.

Lucas went a little crazy at school today. She understands, really, she gets it. It's too hard for him to be there. But she's trying to make it okay. To make him okay. So, as student council president, she throws a party. To celebrate life. It's all she can think of to make it better. To help him see that he is still alive. He disappeared for awhile and then flew off of the handle again. So much for helping Lucas. She helps Nathan and Haley, instead. By giving them the apartment key. Who cares that she has nowhere to live. They are back together. **True love**. They are her shining light of hope in this craziness. She needs them to be happy. She goes to Lucas's room, later, since she doesn't have anywhere else to sleep and when he comes in, she allows her vulnerabilities to show for him. She tells him that he's **here**. He's alive. And he agrees and he lets her know that she means so much to him. Her being here means everything. That's all she needs to go on. She tells him about her thoughts. He's always saving everyone. She needs him to save her. From life. Because life is really shaky right now. And he promises that he will and asks her to save him back and she nods. They kiss. But she gets up. She knows that she needs to go talk to Peyton. Plus, she can't stay here. He just doesn't get it. She thought she was already saving him. She doesn't know what else to do and she's scared to death that he doesn't know her at all.

**-l-**

He didn't expect this to happen when he woke up this morning. In fact, he never expected this to happen. This doesn't happen in normal people's lives. Someone out there really hates him. When Brooke says that someone's inside the school with a gun, he thanks God that they aren't in danger. Nathan's in the bus so he's not in danger and Haley's probably still sleeping, she has first period free today. Everyone's safe. And then Brooke keeps talking. She's saying that Peyton's still in there. No, he's sure that she's fine. They probably got separated in the crowd. But before he can even say that to Brooke, Nathan is running towards the school saying that Haley's in the tutor center. He just wants the cops to handle it but he's not letting Nathan go in there alone. He's just praying that Brooke doesn't follow them. He needs her to be safe. When he sees the blood, he knows by instinct that it's Peyton. It's his gut. And he and Nate separate. To make sure that everyone's safe. It **is** Peyton. She's in the library and she's hurt. Bad. He can tell that she's already lost too much blood. But she doesn't want to move. So they sit there and he tries to keep her up. Awake equals alive. Brooke would never be able live with herself if Peyton dies. And neither would he. He needs to get her out of here okay. His mind is racing in all different directions when she tells him that she loves him. And before he can even process it, she's kissing him. He tries to brush it off. But even in the madness of this day, he knows she means it. She loves him. And he's petrified of that. Of what it would do to Brooke. To her friendship with her best friend. To them. Would Brooke be even more insecure? He loves Brooke. He loves Peyton, too. But it's just not the same. He can't live without Brooke. He has to get Peyton out of here. He needs to get out of here. The second he sees Jimmy, he knows this is worse than he ever could have imagined. Jimmy's out of control. He's not thinking straight. And his uncle makes him leave. Save Peyton. Keith's always thinking about everyone else. When he gets outside and Brooke is there with his mom, he's never been happier to see two people. The two most important women in his life. Standing there. **Safe**. He loves them and he lets them both know it. He's surprised as they say they didn't know that Keith was inside. And then he's horrified when he hears the shots. One for Jimmy. One for Keith. He just knows it. Keith's gone.

It's been three days. His mom's a zombie and Brooke's trying to be superwoman for them. The funeral makes him sick. The wake makes him sick. He can't savor Brooke. He doesn't want to look at Peyton. He saved Peyton. And his uncle- **his dad**- is dead because of it. Everyone feels sorry for him. For Karen. Most of these people didn't really know Keith. His life has just been stolen from him because he tried to help. He's a tragic hero. And if Keith was here and knew how it would end, he's sure that he'd make the same choice. That's the crazy thing. Keith was always helping. Who helped him? Jimmy knew Keith. They used to spend every waking moment, in the summer, with Keith, at the shop. How could Jimmy do this? Maybe it's his fault. **He left**. He didn't care about the people that he left behind. Hell, without Brooke taking an interest in him, Mouth might have been left behind, too. He's made a lot of mistakes in his life. But he really wishes that he could just go back to the beginning of junior year and start over. It's like everyone else is paying for his mistakes. And he hates it. He hates himself.

Brooke is afraid for him. Or of him. He's not sure. So even though this is the last place he wants to be, he stays. To heal. For her. He wanders the halls and finds himself in the library. Peyton's already there. They're so connected. Even more so now. He lost his dad. She lost her moms. She gets it. He sits next to her and it's a peaceful silence. Then they talk about nothing at all. And he's calmed by her. He's happy that she's okay. He's happy that he saved her. He's happy that he didn't have to attend her funeral. He loves her. He does. And so, as a way to approach the subject, he cracks what he hopes sounds like a joke. He repeats her words. When she looks at him and tries to go with it, he knows he was right. She meant it. So he lets her down as easily as possible, he does love her but he's in love with her best friend. And she needs to know that. She says that that is exactly what she needed to hear. Nothing will get weird. He says he's sorry about her moms and she just smiles sadly at that. And as he walks away, he makes a choice. Brooke will never know about it. She can't. She would never be okay with it. It was nothing. **He can't lose her**, too.

**-b-**

Everyone's healing. Last weekend, they all went away. Lucas seemed so much lighter; he even smiled. So tonight when she watches him walk out of the gym without playing, she knows it's not good. He was supposed to play. Haley looks down at the floor and she does her best to cheer but when Haley and Nathan lock eyes, something passes between them and she knows something's very wrong. Right after the game, she corners Haley and Haley tells her that she has to talk to Lucas. This isn't something that she can tell her. And she gets this feeling in the pit of her stomach. This is worse than bad. She just knows it. So she goes to him. To the river court. She knew he'd be there. It's his world; he once told her that. It's peaceful and it's where he goes to think. He's sitting in the middle just staring straight ahead. He doesn't even move as she walks toward him. She says nothing but takes him into her arms. Then she hears him whisper that he's sick. He has HCM. And she breaks down. Not because he has the heart disease. They can fix that. He won't play basketball. He'll be fine. But he lied by omission for months. Since the wedding. **Last year**. He didn't tell her. He didn't think that she would want to know that. That she should know that. He didn't trust her with his secret. Obviously, Haley knew. Nathan and Whitey found out before her. All of a sudden, she wonders about Peyton. Did Peyton know too? They spent the whole summer together; did he tell everyone before he told her? They just stay there for a long time. Neither of them says anything and he finally just asks her to tell Peyton. He's going to go tell his mom. Oddly, she's relieved. Peyton didn't know before her. She's going to go to Peyton's and look up everything on it, that she can. She'll tell Peyton. And everything will be okay. They can get through this, too. They can. And they will.

Lucas went away with Karen. They went to look at colleges. And she should be happy. She's planning Naley's second wedding. She's busy. Lucas would just distract her. But he hasn't called her. Rachel pointed it out and it really pisses her off that even she can see it. How little he cares. She keeps saying that she barely even misses him. But, honestly, this is killing her. She notices mid-way through the week that she's even a week late for her monthly friend. Great. That's just great. That's what she needs right now. She has finally taught herself not to even think the word baby and now she's late. Oh well, she's not dealing with it this week. She can't. It's just too much. But then she tries to go to sleep and she hears a baby wailing. She's sure it's hers. She should have one right now. A baby. **Lucas's baby**. Thinking those words is all it takes. She starts crying and doesn't stop. The next morning when she wakes up and sees that she cried herself to sleep, she decides to throw herself full force into the wedding. No time for thinking. Lucas will call when he calls. And that's that.

**-l-**

After the talk with Whitey and Nathan, he just walks to the river court. He needs to think. He hears her walking up. He can see her. But he doesn't move. She takes him into her arms and rocks. He doesn't know whether or not Haley told her after he left but she doesn't say anything so he feels like he should say it out loud to her. So he does and he feels her tears immediately. He's trying to guess what she's thinking. But he can't tell her that it's going to be okay. He has lost the only dream that he ever had. The only means to get into college. He must have had a dream before he joined the team last year but he can't remember it. So they just sit center court for a long time. Holding each other. Crying with each other. He needs her and she comes. Always. She knows exactly what he needs and she complies. Always. He doesn't know what he did to deserve her. But he's so grateful for her. When they get up because he's got to go home and tell his mom, he asks her to tell Peyton. She seems relieved. He knows why immediately. She thought Peyton knew before her. That disappoints him. Did she really think that he would tell Peyton something that important and not tell her? He's going to have to talk to her about that eventually. Just not tonight. They've had enough. And he's got a hard enough conversation waiting for him at home.

The talk with his mom is long and hard. But she seems like she's coming back to life. So he tells her that he doesn't know what he's going to do now. What is he going to dream about now? And she suggests that they take some time off from Tree Hill and go look at colleges. The next day they're packed up and gone. It's a jam packed trip as they visit every college in the state and some in South Carolina, too. He thinks a lot about Brooke. Even more about Keith. He needs to know where his future is headed. But he can't let go of the past. He can't leave basketball and his dreams behind. His mom and him talk about it all a lot. They come to an understanding. He chooses what he wants and she can make it happen. No boundaries. So he wants to write and he wants Brooke. That's all. Keith set up a fund. He can go wherever. He wants to discuss it with his girlfriend. She's his future.

**-b-**

Naley's rehearsal goes off without a hitch. Minus the fact that everyone was sick. She got to see her Broody being happy which is always a plus. Lately- getting to see him is a plus. Period. She's missed him too much. She knows it the instant he walks up and she jumps into his arms. They need to talk. About the lines on the test. But it can wait until after the wedding. She's trying not to worry. If he was okay with it last year, he'd be better this year. He loves her this year, right? She's cleaning everything up when Peyton comes over to her. They sit on the bed, on stage, to talk. As the words spill out of Peyton's mouth, she tries to stop them. With her mind. She can't. It's out there. Peyton still loves Lucas. She still loves him. Her best friend is in love with her boyfriend. The father of the baby inside of her. Again. She stands up and mumbles that she doesn't want to even look at her right now and walks out. She sleeps in her car that night. Lucas would want an explanation if she went to his house in that condition and she couldn't put this burden on Haley the night before her wedding. She's alone. And scared out of her mind. She cries herself to sleep, wanting to wake up from the nightmare that is her life.

When she sees Lucas the next day, he request is simple. Don't talk to Peyton. She has to know if he can choose her over her best friend. The wedding hasn't even started and she already sees him talking to her. So much for that. He asks several times throughout the day about the fight and she says nothing or blames it on stress. But when they're dancing, she decides to test him. Maybe Peyton told him already and he's just waiting for the wedding to be over to break it to her. She'll be able to tell by the look in his eyes. She's good at deciphering his truth from his lies. At least, she thinks she is. But then he starts talking about a kiss and everything spins out of control. She can't even see straight as she looks for her purse. She's looking for the test; she thinks she's going to show him. And he's begging her to calm down. To hear him. But she can't. Until he compares it to Chris. Then she looks up at him. _Devastated_. He's seriously going to use that against her right now? He's sorry the instant he says it. She can tell. But it's too late; the damage is done. He accuses her of pushing him away and what's left of her self control flies out the window. She's hitting him and begging him to let her in. And he's begging her to know that his heart is with her. There they are. As broken as ever. And she just walks away. She's going to smile and give her speech. And when he asks her not to be mad as she's walking out the door, she tells him she isn't. Because it's the truth. She's not mad. She's crushed. Destroyed. And overwhelmed. She's made up her mind, though. Peyton is no friend of hers. She never wants to speak to her again. And Lucas? He's going to have to actually choose. Or she'll do it for him. And he's not going to know about the baby until he does. She will not strap him down.

**-l-**

Brooke and Peyton aren't talking. Or Brooke's not talking to Peyton. And he's under strict orders to not talk to her, too. He should probably listen. But he wants to know what's going on. It's definitely Brooke because Peyton tells him to do whatever she says. He's been trying all day to get it out of Brooke but she's not having it. So when they are dancing, he asks not expecting anything when he asks yet again. And she tells him that he should know. His mind immediately goes to the kiss. He never told Peyton not to say anything. She must have felt the need to tell Brooke. He'd yell at her later. But he couldn't be too mad. He didn't ask her to keep it a secret. He starts apologizing, trying to explain and he knows straight away that he guessed wrong. She walks away and he follows. The fight that ensues is going to go down in the history books. He knows it. They yell. He's an idiot and says things without thinking. Why did he bring up Chris? Because he was on the defense. She has hurt him, too. It wasn't romantic. Not for him anyway. If she and Peyton aren't fighting about him, what are they fighting about? They never fight like this unless it's about him. He feels the need to prove to her that he doesn't want Peyton. But he just keeps saying the wrong thing. And then she starts pounding on his chest and he's scared. Not because she's hurting him. But because Brooke is always controlled. This is very different for her. So he resorts to begging her to believe him. He loves her. This is not what he wanted today. He wanted to discuss colleges. To discuss their wedding. Not this. Then she gives up. Just like that. He asks her to please not be mad. And when she turns and tells him she's not, he already knows. She's not mad; she's broken. And that breaks him.

Brooke's speech is beautiful. He thinks she's probably directing some of it to him. He knows that his speech is directed at her. He wanted to tell her today that they were going to face whatever life threw at them, together. That, of course, there would be pain but they have enough love to get them through anything. He wants to marry her someday. He wants to know if that's what she wants. After all of the commotion, he goes to her and she asks him to dance. She wants to know if he missed her. That's easy. Everyday. He thought about her constantly. She's all he thinks about. She tells him that she has so much going on and he wants to know what. What's wrong with her? They can face it together. But she kisses him and he knows it's over. In his heart, he knows this is it. She's closed off from him. She's gone. He's lost her. So he does all that he can in this moment. He closes his eyes and holds her as close as possible. It might be the last chance that he ever gets. They stay like that for a long time and then she says she needs to go and he just lets her leave. He tells Peyton that he told her about this kiss. He's sorry he made it worse for her, whatever it was. But he's more sorry that he just lost the one thing left that truly matters. He's alone. Maybe he's wrong. But he can read Brooke pretty well. He doesn't think that he's wrong. _She's gone_.

--

Long, right? It's about 5 pages longer than the other chapters. Hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you think!  
-- Corey


	4. Season four

Hey everyone! This was an extremely hard chapter to write. Also- I feel like I need to explain my views on abortion. They're really mixed. And I might confuse you. Maybe you should just know that just because I write it- doesn't mean that I believe in it. But I truly believe that it's what happened in the show. I am going to write each and every one of you a personal thank you for the reviews and love when I finish this up. The response to this is so amazing. But my girls on MSN- Twin, Chey, Cami. Kelli, and Kristin especially. Also Natalie (an LPer who read through the first half of this to help me with 410.) deserve special thank yous. To the girls over at the BL S&S- I love you all. We need to keep the faith. That's what this is about. This is a really long chapter. But many many things needed to be explained. I'm sorry if it's a little long winded. I hope you all enjoy anyway.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters are Mark's babies. The title belongs to Sheryl Crow.

--

**-b-**

In this town happiness equals tragedy. Pain. Heartache. It's like the gods deem it necessary to level the playing field. Oh, the Scotts just had a beautiful fairy tale wedding? Well, let's create misery by having one of them and a family member in a near fatal car wreck. At least, that's how she feels. They sure don't ever let **her** stay happy for long. As she's driving full speed to the hospital, she tries to block out her own pain but she just can't. She had turned off her phone so she could think and when she turned it back on, there were over twenty missed calls. That is never a good thing. They were mostly Lucas. A few from Karen. Two from Haley. One from Bevin and one from Peyton. The six voicemails were almost all Lucas. There was one from Karen, though, and she had to listen to it twice to even make it out. She heard bits. Accident. Nathan. Lucas. Hospital. Please. That was all she could understand. The rest was jumbled up with Haley's cries for Nathan in the background. Lucas' messages were all the same. They're at the hospital. There was an accident. Cooper and Rachel. Nathan jumped in. Haley needs her. He's sorry. The last one is different, though. He sounds almost angry as he says to just forget about Haley. He needs her. So she's going. She's sure that Peyton is there but that doesn't matter because he _needs_ her. And she won't let him down. Ever.

The elevator opens up and that changes quickly. He doesn't look like he needs her at all. Since he's holding her backstabbing best friend in his arms. Tightly. His eyes are closed so she slips away before he sees her staring. Choosing to go to Haley instead. She tells her everything. Damn Rachel. Drama seems to follow that girl around. And then Haley asks her if they can talk and she knows that this means business. She spills out that she thinks that she may be pregnant and she's so scared. She was going to tell Nathan but then this happened. What if it's a sign? She tells her not to be crazy and asks if she's taken a test. Hales just shakes her head and she suggests the emergency room. Once there, Haley bows out; she's just not ready for confirmation yet. They get up to go back to the third floor, where Nathan is, when her chest tightens. Haley notices that something's off and calls for a doctor.

They take her to a room immediately. Not one of those stalls but a real room. The nurse starts asking a bunch of questions about her health and history. She answers until one comes up that she can't bring herself to answer in front of Haley. She plays it over in her head. Over and over. Is there any chance you could be pregnant? She looks around, silently, slowly; her chest tightens so much that she can barely breathe. Haley is watching her every move and she starts to nod. It's barely noticeable. And then she hears her own voice whisper that she had a positive test. They tell her to breathe in and out, nice and slow. She hears a nurse say something about anxiety and then ask Haley if there are any other stressors right now in her life. She tells them about the wedding and accident. The nurse gives her a pill and says that it's halved so it won't hurt the baby, if there is one. But it will help her breathe. After watching her swallow it, the nurse leaves them alone in the room. Silence. For a good five minutes. Then Haley asks how long. The whole story pours out of her. All of it. With the exception of the unknown library kiss. She can't bring herself to talk about that yet. But her ex-best friend's confession, when she thinks it happened. It all comes out. She begs her not to tell Lucas. He can't make his decision based on this. Haley nods. She gets it. She wouldn't have wanted Nathan to come back because of an obligation. Then a female doctor comes in and introduces herself as the emergency obstetrician. They want to check the baby's heart rate and due date. How would she like a picture of her baby? She doesn't say anything probably because she's terrified of it. She remembers last year. She has a picture of that baby, too. The doctor moves on. She puts the gel on her abdomen and then runs a wand over it. In seconds, the whole room is filled with heartbeats. That's a sound that she's never heard. The clinic didn't allow their patients to hear the heartbeat. It tended to make them go crazy. She pays close attention as the doctor points out its head, its legs, and its torso. The doctor shuts off the monitor after printing a copy of the ultrasound and says that she can answer any questions that she has about options. Without any hesitation, she says she's keeping this baby. There's no other option. She already loves it. It's Lucas' baby. It may be all she can ever really have of him. The doctor smiles and tells her that in that case she's due in late May, she should set up a visit with her regular gynecologist, and hands her a prescription for prenatal vitamins.

Once she is dressed back in her bridesmaid gown, Haley asks about telling Lucas. She ignores her completely and says that it was the night in the rain. The night they made love. That's when this baby was created. Complete love. Before everything got complicated. Before Lucas was lying to her every time he looked at her. She informs Haley that she's going to go check on Rachel and if Lucas asks she can tell him where she is. It's no surprise that Lucas doesn't even give her a full five minutes with Rachel. They go down to the river walk to talk. And out of nowhere, he brings up her purse from the wedding. And a pregnancy test. She tries to deflect saying that everyone had the same purses. He shakes his head and tells her that her favorite perfume was in this one. Damn you, Lucas Scott. She's speechless. This is her opening, if she wants to tell him, she should do it now. But she just can't do it. She needs to know how he feels first. She starts to say it isn't hers when she figures he'll ask whose it is then. So she makes a decision. He can lie to her. She can lie to him. She promises that she's not pregnant. He looks relieved and that breaks her heart. He doesn't know her. He can't tell she's lying or that something's wrong. She tells him that she has a lot to think about and to call her if Hales needs her.

She goes to her car and sits there looking at the ultrasound for a long time. Does he love her more than he loves Peyton? Will he choose her? What's he going to say when he finds out about the baby? Will he hate her? She's ignoring his calls altogether. Haley will call if it's important. She has a decision to make. Is it over or not? What to tell him, if anything. She's not happy with her answers but when is anyone ever truly happy in this town? She needs to see him. She made a choice.

**-l-**

Brooke is ignoring him and he hates to be alone so he calls Peyton. Maybe she'll tell him what this fight is about. He can't get through to Brooke if he doesn't know why she's upset. He should probably be avoiding Peyton like the plague but he just can't. There's no explaining it; even he doesn't understand it. Anyway, why should he lose a friend because his girlfriend is having a mood swing? But even as they sit there, going through music on his iTunes, he knows that this might kill him and Brooke. Because, like it or not, he's at the center of this fight. This fight that he knows nothing about. This fight that neither girl will talk to him about. To top off this whole mess, Brooke is lying to him. That pregnancy test is hers. And she's dodging it. Maybe it was negative but she should still tell him. He has the right to know. He doesn't even want to begin thinking about the rest of his family. He's laughing at Peyton when Brooke walks in and the look on her face instantly sobers them. Not. Good. Peyton and Brooke exchange words and he's pretty sure that he's going to pay for Peyton's sarcasm. And he's going to say something to her about it tomorrow. She cannot joke like that with Brooke. Not where they are concerned. He tries to tell her it's just a joke, that he's been calling her. But she cuts him off with a comment about Peyton being there. And, before he thinks, he goes back at her. She starts talking and he knows he's screwed. He has actually known it since their dance but he's just been praying that some miracle would change it. She says she'll always love him and then she says that she stopped missing him. And that she's with him for him but not for her. And she can't do it anymore.

He can feel her lips on his forehead but it's like an out of body experience. He's trying to think of something- **anything**- to say to change this. What he says doesn't make the cut and she just walks out the door. He's reminded of another time that she walked out that same door, different color, leaving him as brokenhearted as he is right now. Last summer. But this time, in his heart, he knows, she's not coming back. She's _gone._

When his mom comes in, he asks her how she got over Dan. He figures that she can give him some advice about losing your first love. But she confirms his worst fear. You never get over your first love. Dan's been an ass to his mom for as long as he has memories and she's still not over him. He's always going to love Brooke. When she leaves, he opens his laptop up again and starts writing. About himself. About his life. About his love and, more importantly, about his loss of that love.

**-b-**

She holds the tears in until she's halfway down the block. When they finally start streaming down her face, she's helpless to stop them. She pulls over and has a proper breakdown and then when she's all cried out, she continues the course. To the Naley apartment. Hales answers the door and Brooke sits on the couch. Without any hesitation, she tells her about last year. About the baby she didn't – _couldn't_- keep. About breaking up with Lucas. She leaves out the kiss again. She just can't bring herself to think it, let alone say it. She wants Haley to get confirmation. It's safer for her baby. She's going to tell Lucas just not right now. She's not giving the baby up. She's keeping it. She loves it. She wants it. She says it all in one breath. She says it all before thinking. Haley just nods and they make their way to an all night clinic. They sit for thirty minutes. In complete and utter silence. And then a doctor breaks it with a confirmation. Haley's pregnant, too. She feels nothing as they squeeze hands. Haley has a husband to go home to. She's going to a house that can never be home and a girl that she hated no more than two weeks ago. Haley will be okay. Nathan loves her. Will she be okay?

Everything is happening in slow motion. But it's all flying past. She's eighteen now. Rachel suspects her. She thinks she'd be a bad mom but what does she know? Haley's trying to coax her into talking to Lucas- who is spending more time with Peyton than she cares to acknowledge. But Haley can't push her too hard- she hasn't told Nathan yet. Tonight, they're all at a party, at Rachel's house. She's kisses Peyton's brother- yes, she has a freaking brother now, too. And Lucas is pushing every button she has. He walks over to her and reverses what she lovingly refers to as the beach speech. He's not the guy for her. And then he walks away. She looks around. For Nathan. For Haley. But they aren't there. She's all alone. No friends. No family. They're gone.

She runs up to her room- or Rachel's room- and cries hysterically for a good hour. Until her heart just can't take another tear. Then she goes into the bathroom to wash up and when she looks down, she realizes that life **can** get worse. It just did. Her worst nightmare is happening. There's blood. A lot of it. And it's not stopping. She sits there and remembers the empty feeling after the abortion. She's emptying out again. She just knows it. And, once again, she only has herself to blame. This is her bad karma. She has killed two of Lucas's babies now.

**-l-**

He just told Brooke that he's not the guy for her. Even he doesn't believe that. He's just so angry at her. Why can't she just want him back? That is all he's ever wanted. And she always makes it infinitely hard on him. He just wanted to see something on her face. **Anything**. And she stood there and stonewalled him. He knows that there's something she's not telling him. She wants him to let her in. But she won't even let him see her heart. Not even a little bit. He goes to find Haley. He doesn't want to be fighting with her, too. And he's sure that after that little display with Brooke- she won't be talking to him anytime soon. He and Haley make up pretty quickly since she apologizes before he can. She tells him that she's sorry about Brooke. And he says that he is, too. And he really is. Sorry that she doesn't want to be with him. But he's got to let go. She obviously has. So when Haley mentions that she's probably going through a lot, he shrugs it off and says that she'll be dealing with it alone. Because she will. He's done with this game. He can't play it anymore. She's lying to him. She has closed herself off. And he doesn't have the energy to fight her anymore. She wins. He loses.

Rumors are flying like crazy that she's pregnant and now Peyton believes it, too. She tells him that he should talk to her. He's pissed and he knows that whatever is going to come out isn't really what he wants to say. He should really wait until he's calmed down. How could she not tell him? Is this the reason? Did she really think he wouldn't be there? This is his damn decision, too. She has absolutely no right to be this way. He has a right to know his child. She thinks she can push him out of her life and his child's. Well, yeah, she might be able to push him out of her life but he sure as hell isn't letting her tell him he couldn't love his child. It's bad enough she wouldn't let him love her. She knows what he wants before he even says it. He can tell. They go at it in front of everyone and then he does it again. But she started it. Says the five year old in him. She threw it in his face. Why did he say Chris' name? WHY? She just walked away again. He just wants her to talk to him. On top of all of this, he's starting to think that something's going on with this guy Derek. He would never cut Peyton off. They're friends. He'd do anything for her. What's wrong with this guy?

Haley's at his door. It's late. She's been really tight with Brooke lately. He's betting that she knows. He wants to know why she just won't tell him. Of course it's not Chris' baby. It's his. He even wants it to be. Then she'll have to let him in her life. She just has to. Haley looks sad when he asks about Brooke just not telling him. When she recovers, she tells him that Brooke isn't pregnant. She is. Brooke was just being a friend and helping her out until she could tell Nathan. He knows, as her best friend, that she needs back up right now. And he's thankful. Brooke is backing her up. It didn't change the loss he was feeling, though. He meant everything he said. He was going to be an awesome uncle to this kid and Nathan and Haley would be fine. They deserved it. A child, a blessing. A reason to be happy. But he wanted that reason. He wanted it with Brooke. He **needed** it. So much for finding a way back into her heart.

**-b-**

She's numb now. The only time she allows herself to feel anything is at night. When she cries to herself, alone, until she finally drifts to a restless sleep. She's barely gotten a full four hours in a row in almost a month. Haley sat with her, holding her hand, as she went through the D&C. Emotionless. She doesn't want to feel it. The excruciating pain. The cramping didn't last long but the pain- the pain is going to last forever. She's positive about that. She knows that this is her punishment. She's being punished because she killed the first one. That one would have lived. She'd have a part of Lucas with her. She **hates** herself for it. She's not even good enough to carry his child. She's thankful that he didn't know. He'd hate her, too. He already hates her enough. But one day, when he's happily married to Peyton and they have their required 2.5 kids and the white picket fence, he'll thank her. She did what was best for him. Only Haley and Mouth know. The rest of the school thinks that she was trying to help Haley out. They know Haley's pregnant now and someone must have just gotten their facts misplaced. God forbid both of them be pregnant. Damn Scott sperm. She cried to Mouth and had to tell him. He thought she be a good mom. He deserved to know how horrid she was. And Haley? Haley has been heaven sent. She would not have made it through this in one piece without her. She loves her.

When Rachel pulls her out and sets her up with some older guy, she goes along with it. She needs to forget that this all ever happened. Rachel's right. She'd be a horrible mother. That's why she lost the baby. She didn't deserve it. Pretending to be someone else for a night- sounded like a really good plan at the moment. She likes him enough. He's interested. She needs to forget that this last year happened. She needs there to be no pain when she sees Lucas put his arm around her ex-best friend. It's only a matter of time before they start kissing in public. She needs to learn to stomach it. This older guy turns out to be her English teacher. Now that is fun. Yeah. Right. But she continues on with it. When he's kissing her, she doesn't feel anything. And that's just what she wants. She wants to feel nothing. She goes to his apartment one night needing to feel numb and finds him with another girl. Blonde, skinny. Peyton-like. She slaps him and goes home and cries to Rachel. Rachel thinks she's crying over Nick. But she's not. She saw Lucas in there. She slapped Lucas. Not Nick. She couldn't care less about Nick; she doesn't even really _like_ him. But every emotion that she's been running from hit her like a ton of bricks when she realized that the blonde, skinny bitches were always going to be better than her. She loved him. She loves him. And he's off with Peyton. _Saving_ Peyton. He doesn't even care about her at all. He's not the guy for her. She lost his baby. She killed his baby. Her world is crumbling down around her. And suddenly, all she wants is Lucas. No, she **needs** Lucas. She doesn't care what it does to Peyton. She needs to be with him.

**-l-**

He's pretty sure that he's going out of his mind. Nathan is risking everything with this dangerous game that he's playing. He's concerned about Peyton. Thank God she's got her real brother, too, because he's not sure he could help her if he was alone in it. And now Brooke has decided that she wants to be friends again. Maybe try again. He had closed himself off to that and, after a month, she decides that she's changed her mind. He wants her. He's pretty sure he always will. But what happened to change her mind? And why did she break up with him in the first place? Something was going on and he needs to know all of the details before he can just jump right back in. But he can't say no to her. So, of course, he says that he'll take her to the banquet when she asks. He instantly feels horrible when Peyton says that she wanted to go with him. But he would be going with Peyton as a friend. He wants to try and get his girlfriend, the girl he's in love with, back. He shouldn't have to feel bad about that. When he tells Haley and Karen, they seem to genuinely like the idea of him reconciling with Brooke. He's excited about it too.

It's been an interesting night. Brooke doesn't feel completely here and Peyton seems weirdly territorial. When Whitey starts speaking, he looks around the table. He's wondering if that kind of love exists. Nathan and Haley have had people come in between them. And him with Brooke and Peyton. Love is complicated as far as he can tell. But no one came between him and Brooke this time and it still went south. It's then that he realizes it. The breakup _was_ about Peyton. Brooke thinks that Peyton likes him as more than just a friend. That's why she just cut Peyton off without explanation. They are sort of talking tonight so maybe Brooke has let that thought go. Maybe she finally gets that he and Peyton are just friends. He's **in love** with her.

Walking to her door- Rachel's door- he knows that nothing's changed. She still can't see how much he loves her. He can tell before she even says it that this is not going to end the way that he had hoped. So he does the only thing that he can. He agrees with her. It was a mistake. They don't have what Whitey had. But, in reality, he's thinking that it probably could be better if they let it. If they learned from it. But Brooke isn't there. And she might never be. He needs her in his life. He can be her friend. He can. He has before. He needs to love her enough to let her figure it out. She said wait and see. Maybe there was hope.

He doesn't know why but he feels like he needs to tell Peyton that it's over. She's been trying to help him get her back and that's not going to happen now. It's really over. Brooke doesn't want him. Maybe he's right- maybe she thinks that Peyton loves him as more than a friend or that he loves her. But she's wrong. They're just friends. He loves her. But that ship has sailed now. It's over and he needs his friend Peyton to get him through this. She's the only other one who knows what it feels like to lose Brooke. That's why. So when she tells him that she's in love with him, he feels his world go black. Could Brooke know? He mumbles a few words to her and gets out of there. He and Peyton are friends and she's got a lot going on. She's confused. But deep down, he knows the truth. He just can't admit it to himself. Not yet.

**-b-**

She really thought that she didn't care about how her going after Lucas would affect Peyton. But it bothers her. She needs to know that he doesn't want Peyton. And her conversation with Peyton did not help matters. She _was_ over him. She thought that she proved it. Rachel doesn't even think that she wants Lucas. No one but Haley knows that she never stopped wanting him. She watches his face and then she goes from Nathan and Haley to Peyton as Whitey talks about his first love and the other love of his life. Someone who completely understands him and she knows what she has to do. It's not going to be easy but she needs to know if it's her or Peyton. The only way that's possible is if she doesn't pursue him. He needs to be happy with Peyton. If she can make him happier than she needs to allow that. She needs to stop being selfish. This isn't about her. It's about him. What's best for him. And Peyton. She loves them. It's about time she start acting like it.

He's gone. He agreed with her. He said that he missed her at first. He stopped missing her. She's never stopped missing him. Let's just add breaking up with him the way that she did and then not talking to him to her list of horrible adolescent mistakes. Hopefully, she does better as an adult. She decides to sit on the porch and go through an old photo album that she hasn't pulled out since her birthday. Since right after they broke up. She fingers her way through it. All **them**. It was their whole history. Their love story. She goes to an old box and pulls out two ultrasound pictures. She puts them where they go in the story. If they're going to wait and see, she's going to make her own version of their love. She'd let the scrapbook tell the story. The whole story.

It turns out to be one of the most tiring days of her life. The ride up with Peyton and Rachel and Haley at odds was enough. But then Haley starts cramping and spotting and she feels like she is reliving the miscarriage. Every part of her aches. She needs to just calm down. Thank God Naley's little boy is fine. Little Boy! Yeah, they were going to spoil him rotten. When she and Peyton discuss Lucas and Peyton tells her his response to her I love you, she can't believe it. Then Peyton tells her that he wants her standing next to him when his dreams come true. He needs to do this. He needs to be with Peyton. She's trying to think of a way. Then they win. It's an amazing comeback and she's so thrilled. She runs onto the court with everyone else as the confetti falls around her. And he comes up to her. She realizes that it's a dream come true. And he's looking at her like nothing has changed. Everything has changed. So she pushes him to the blonde who, she can see, is alone. She tells him that it's a dream come true. And then she pushes him to go to Peyton. He just needs a little push. He looks at her like he's questioning everything. And she tells him that she's fine. A little lying won't hurt. They're already broken. And he goes. Within minutes, Lucas is kissing Peyton. And she crumbles. She has to get out of there. She can't breathe. She has to learn to be okay with this. She can be happy if they are. She just has to keep telling herself to breathe.

**-l-**

This morning Skills was telling him that maybe there's a reason he's always saving Peyton. Now Brooke- yes, _Brooke_- is practically begging him to say that it's Peyton that he wants standing next to him when all of his dreams come true. It's pretty obvious to him that Peyton told her that he wants her next to him- and it's crystal clear to him that she doesn't believe it. Well he meant it the night that he said he was done. And he meant it last night when he walked away from her at Rachel's. If she wants him to go be with Peyton, if that is going to give her some kind of perverse pleasure, than fine. That's what he'll do. He's done playing Brooke's game. It is going to kill him. But Peyton wants him. She wants to be with him. And he really just meant to go hug her. But then he saw her on the river court last year. Maybe Brooke did know that Peyton was in love with him. Maybe this was all about that. But right now he doesn't even care. It is what it is. Brooke doesn't want him. Peyton does. And Brooke wants him with Peyton. Everyone wins. But him. And he tells her what she needs to hear and they kiss. She may not be who he wants. But she'll do.

**-b-**

Life is not supposed to be this way. She's sure that most teenagers do not spend this much time in a hospital. Tonight was a good night. It was a really good night for all of them. Not for her but that's not the point. The point is that the boys just won the championship. Haley is having a baby boy. Peyton finally has Lucas. Her little family- broken though it may be- was happy. And, then, everything collapsed. As always. Lucas and Haley are both in surgery right now. Haley is in worse condition. She was hit by a car and Dan, apparently, went into a fit of rage and killed the driver. And- Lucas- her Lucas had a heart attack. They wait all night. Nathan. Karen. Peyton. And her. Neither of them wake up. So they start to visit them, cope with each other. Nathan doesn't leave Haley's side. She floats between both rooms. Peyton is in and out of mostly Lucas' room. And Karen spends the majority of her time in a chapel. She's pretty sure Karen blames herself for letting him play. And that she just can't look at her son like that. In that hospital bed. He's been there one too many times in the last two years. She has a hard time looking at him there, too. She just wants to crawl into bed with him and make him wake up and hold her. She wants to save him. She even begs him to wake up for Peyton. After she and Peyton talk and she realizes that she just can't be there for Peyton anymore. She needs him to do it. The girl she loves. The guy she loves. They need to be together. For Peyton. For Lucas. It's for the best.

Of course she loves him. But right now Peyton needs him more. She meant what she said, they'll wait and see. And maybe- just maybe- they'll find their way back. But she needs him here taking care of her best friend. And then Haley wakes up. And she and Hales talk. Haley is so scared that her little boy didn't survive but she knows that he did. She feels it. Naley deserve their miracle. The obstetrician comes in and she leaves the room. When she sees Haley's smile, she knows that they got their miracle and goes back to relay the message to Luke. Maybe that will help him wake up. His nephew is fine. She passes the room and sees Peyton's head lying next to Lucas' hand on the bed and decides not to go in. That's Peyton's place now. She needs to learn to get used to it. It may feel hard for her. But she will. She goes and sits with Karen. In silence. They just hold hands and pray for the boy that they love. A nurse comes in and tells them that he's up. Karen stands and pulls her with her towards the room and when they are just shy of it she lets go of Karen. She turns around and tells her to come in and see him. She tells Karen that it's not her place; Peyton is already in there with him. Karen smiles and says that he'll always love her and it will always be her place. She should have faith in that. She gives her a curt smile back. She wishes she could. All that she can see is him kissing Peyton. And that's enough to crush her so she just leaves the hospital. There is nothing for her there.

**-l-**

He opens his eyes to Peyton. That dream was crazy. He's trying to focus but nothing is clear. Nothing. Jimmy didn't kill Keith? He loves Peyton. Brooke and Peyton can't be friends because of him. She's talking to him but his mind is running in five thousand different directions. And then, finally, he sees Karen who tells Peyton that Brooke just left. Why would she leave? She knew he was up and she didn't want to see him? What does any of this mean? He loves Peyton. Doesn't he love Brooke? He saved Peyton because if he didn't then Brooke would be that girl in the dream. He finally gets it. He loves Peyton because he loves Brooke. He can't be with Brooke right now and she said that he needs to be there for Peyton. So that's what he is going to do. Be with Peyton. For Brooke. Love Peyton. _For Brooke_. And figure out who killed Keith. Because Jimmy didn't.

Brooke has been being really strange. She's become a part of this group- the clean teens. She's not a clean teen. Not if he remembers correctly. And, oh, he does. He will never forget it. Her. Them. But there's a new guy and he's a part of the club. He doesn't know his name but Brooke likes him. He can tell. She looks at him with that gleam in her eye. He wants her to be happy. Really, he does. He's happy with Peyton. She should get to be happy. But he doesn't like looking at her look at him. He'd rather just not look at her at all. That is easier.

He and Peyton are about to take that step. The final leap. And then they hear what sounds like the beginning of something incriminating coming from the television downstairs and Peyton runs. He does, too. Even if he'd prefer not to watch his girlfriend and brother go at it on screen. What he sees twists him up inside. Brooke. Not Peyton. With Nathan. And everything happens so fast. Peyton ends up hitting Brooke. She's so mad. And he thinks that she's being hypocritical. Didn't they do the same thing to Brooke? Twice? It was in the past. It shouldn't matter. But it does. It does to Peyton and it does to him too. Brooke slept with Nathan. He can't help but think that made him more sick than if it would have been Peyton on it. At least, he knew that Nathan and Peyton slept together.

He goes to Brooke mostly because he needs her to be okay. He heard that that boy she'd been seeing didn't take it too well. When he sees her, he just wants to hug her and make it all better. He realizes that she doesn't need his crazy mixed up feelings on this. Neither does Nathan. Haley's taking it hard enough. And he has no right to judge. He loves them. His brother. Brooke. It was a long time ago. They've changed. So he lets it go. And he tries to talk Peyton into letting it go. Somehow inadvertently ends up saying that he likes Brooke's prom dress better and pisses her off even more than she already is. He ends up going to prom alone. Oh well.

**-b-**

This last week has been pure hell. It started with that sex tape that she literally forgot about until she saw it on the television screen at the party. Proceeded onto Peyton's psycho attacker almost killing both of them which led to sleeping in Lucas' bed with Peyton. And then they broke down on the side of the road when they were road tripping to bail Mouth out of jail. And Chris Keller came to the rescue. Plus, she told Haley tonight that she stole the test. And she's alone, at a prom where no one is voting her queen. The worst part of the week doesn't even compare to what she is seeing right now. It has brought out the worst feeling out in her. Lucas and Peyton in bed. After sex. She thinks that this must be how Lucas felt when he walked in on her and Chris in bed together. She feels dead inside. Empty. She remembers the miscarriage that she's trying to forget. She remembers that she is empty. And she just needs to get out of there. Far away. She ends up in Chris' tour bus. Telling him everything, like they're friends. He soothes her. It's really amazing. He's human. He tells her that Lucas is an idiot. She says he's not. She did this. She thought she was okay with it. Hell, she was sleeping right next to them all week. But she's not okay. Not even close. And now she has to live with Peyton. The next morning, when she and Peyton talk, neither of them bring it up. She's just going to have to learn to live with it. At least Haley still loves her. The rest will all be over soon. Graduation is the fix. She needs to get away from them. That'll make it better. She can forget the pain of it all.

**-l-**

They finally did it last night. Took that final leap. And the only thing he can think of is Brooke as he opens his eyes. Peyton is all wrapped up in the sheet. She looks beautiful. But he wishes she were still sprawled out next to him. He wishes she were Brooke. He wishes that it felt the same way it did earlier in the year. That night in the rain. With Brooke. He has resigned himself to the fact that she's not Brooke. That he's never going to feel that way again. But the pain in Brooke's eyes last night was almost too much to bear. And she doesn't even love him anymore. God, he'd hate to see his face if he walked in on her and what's-his-face clean teen. Thank goodness he's out of the picture. He was all wrong for her. And he proved it by running away at the first sign of Brooke's past. He'd never do that to her. If she'd be with him. Then Peyton realizes that he's up and turns to him and smiles. He tells her the truth. That she's beautiful. She says that she loves him. It's a big deal. And he knows. He knows that she loves him. And he does love her, too. Really. So he promises that he does. He just wishes that he loved her as much as Brooke. This would be a lot easier if he did.

**-b-**

Karen is in the hospital. Dan killed Keith. This year just keeps getting worse with each passing minute. Lucas is destroyed and, yet, she's staying away. Letting Peyton be the supportive girlfriend. She can't do that. And if she had to watch Peyton do it, she might get sick. But every moment that Lucas isn't in that room, she is. Most times, she and Deb just sit in opposite corners. Praying. This woman is the only woman who has ever been a mother to her. She _needs_ to be okay. Her baby needs to survive. It's all they have left of Keith. Lucas would die if they didn't survive. She would die if they didn't survive.

They all convince Lucas to come to graduation. It's a joint effort. And he finally leaves the hospital. In true Tree Hill fashion, Haley goes into labor mid-speech. And when they get to the hospital, Karen is being rushed in for an emergency caesarean. Drama.

James Lucas Scott is literally the most beautiful being she has ever seen. The three of them together is so breathtaking. Heartbreaking. She's happy for them. She leaves them to be alone with their baby and finds Lucas with his sister. She doesn't know where Peyton is. She doesn't ask. He puts the baby in her arms. And then rests his head on her shoulder and cries. Just like a baby. She holds onto Keith's baby girl making sure she feels safe and pulls Lucas into an empty waiting room. She tugs him over to the couch and puts her free arm around him. It's going to be okay. It has to. They stay that way for a long time. Both silently crying. She's holding him and his baby sister. It'll be okay. He tells her that he should go back. She should come. Karen would want her there. She says that she needs to get home. Nothing's packed yet. Peyton will be there. Hands him the gorgeous little girl and leaves without looking back.

She's happy for them all. Really she is. But all that she can think is that her baby would be being born soon. In a week. Her due date is a week away. She runs out of the hospital, bypasses her car, and keeps running until she reaches the river court. She can't go back into that apartment. She can't go anywhere. She's so broken. She needs to get out of this town. Or she's going to go completely crazy. She needs to forget that any of this has even happened. Forget Lucas. Forget her dead babies. Forget her fault in it. Forget Tree Hill. Get the hell out of here.

Tonight, Haley asked her to be Jamie's godmother. She can't help but think that it has something to do with Haley feeling guilty or pitying her. Haley's baby is alive and well. But she'll take it. She will love that little boy. She already does. Lucas is going to be the godfather and she wonders what Haley's trying to do. But Haley gives her that look like she better not even think it- let alone say it. Chase told her that she was going to change the world. Lucas said it first. That is what she thinks. Not about Chase but Lucas. That is not a good sign. But she sleeps with him. She could love him. She's definitely going to try to love him. She has to. He might be all that she ever gets. She doesn't know why but when he takes her home from the party, she sits down and writes a letter to Lucas. The first in a long time. It will go unsent. He'll never see it. But there are some things that he should know. When she's done she goes over to her photo albums and finds the one she's looking for. Their love story. And adds the letter.

**-l-**

He wants Dan dead. He ruins everything. He took his father- his **real** father- and now he's the reason his mother and sister may not make it. If they die, he'll kill him. He's sure of it. His friends come and go. But he just sits there. He's so thankful for Peyton right now. She's been his rock. He doesn't understand why Brooke doesn't come more. His mom loves her. She'd want her here. But Peyton has been a godsend. This is why he loves her. She's here whenever he needs it. She's always here. She even has everyone talk him into going to graduation, which he does. Deb says she'll call if anything happens. Haley goes into labor at graduation and he gets a call from Deb and everything just rushes by. He has a nephew. And a sister. And she's amazing but his mom isn't up. And he's scared.

He's in the hall, pacing with the baby, when he runs into Brooke. She looks at her like she wants to hold her so he puts her into Brooke's arms. The sight of them makes him so weak. He loses it. Starts crying right there in the hallway. Brooke understands. She gets it. She finds an empty room and holds him. She lets him know that everything will be alright and then just cries with him. It's exactly what he needs. This is why he loves her. It's why no one will ever compare. When they get up, he practically begs her to come into his mom's room with him and she practically runs out of there. He wishes she would just stay. He wishes she would let him need her. Because he does. He needs her.

He shows Brooke his book. His passage about her. He needs to. He needs her to know what she means to him. As if it could all be summed up in that paragraph. There's more. No one will ever see it all. He's long since changed what he was writing when they broke up. Brooke can't see that. Peyton definitely can't see that. He's done hurting them. He loves Peyton. He has to. There's no other choice. His words touch her soul and she looks like she's going to cry. But it's what she needs to know that she'll succeed. He already knows that she's going far in life. And she hugs him and stands there with him for a while. It's nice. She's not running away from him. Maybe, she'll even let him be her friend again. He misses her.

Haley just asked him if he'd be Jamie's godfather. Of course he would. Then she tells him Brooke's the godmother and he knows that she's innocently not being innocent. But he lets it go. Brooke's going to do great. She will love him just as much as he does. Plus, this means they get to see each other. Birthday parties. Holidays. Whenever. She'll never be out of his life. It's just the reassurance he needs. They're going to wait and see. And people who are meant to be together always find their way in the end.

--

It's long. I know. Please let me know what you think. And thanks for reading!!

-- Corey.


	5. The Missing Years

It's been awhile. I just wasn't inspired to write this. Premiere is in two days and I'm not sure if I'm looking forward to it or not. I'm looking more forward to the finale lol. I want to thank you all. Everyone who has reviewed or alerted. It means the world to me. Big thanks to Lou and all of the girls on MSN. You all keep me going! So no more rambling.. Here are the missing four years. Hope you all enjoy!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters are Mark's babies. The title belongs to Sheryl Crow.

--

**-b-**

Three months. That's how long it's been since she left Tree Hill. She still feels just as lost as when she left. When she walked away from Lucas and Peyton saying good bye in the airport and onto the plane. Alone. As always. And when her best friend joined her a couple of minutes later with red eyes and swollen lips, she just felt more alone. Three months of Peyton. When she is really trying to forget that Peyton has what she wants, Peyton is rubbing it in. She is sure that she's not doing it on purpose. She doesn't know about how she feels. About Lucas. And she's supposed to be falling in love with Chase. But it's really not happening for her. He's just not for her. He just not ... something is just not there. He's everything and, yet, not what she wants. He's just not Lucas. He can't calm her with a couple of words. He can't look at her and touch her soul. He can't make love to her. It is just not the same. She doesn't see her future with him. He isn't who she wants. So Peyton gushing about Lucas this and Lucas that. Gushing about her future nephew and little sister in law. Is just too much for Brooke to take. The fact that she's Jamie's godmother or that Karen sends her updates on Lils all of the time doesn't help her. Because that was Haley's choice and Karen's choice. But Lucas is choosing to make Peyton be in their lives. And Lucas' choice matters more. She wants him to want her. And he doesn't. It kills her.

And so three months is all that she can take. She decides that Chase isn't for her and neither is Los Angeles. They end things amicably and she decides that she'll go to New York and try to get her designs sold. Her parents tell her that they'll invest. She can start her own company. It's just what she needs. Work. She'll forget it all. Peyton understands. She has to be in New York for her dream. They tell each other that they'll keep in touch but she knows that she's not going to be calling her one time best friend every night. It's just too hard. She doesn't need to hear about them. She definitely doesn't want to see them together. Too much blonde hurts her eyes lately. And she's sure that he'll be out to visit her soon. They are packing up. Peyton has an apartment downtown and she's sending her things cross country to her own apartment in Manhattan. Peyton finds a box of sentimental things and they start going through them. And she realizes how much she's going to miss her. She's never had to really be without her in her life. And now she really will be all alone. On her own. God, she hopes Lucas is right. Since it's her against the world now. And as she thinks of him she can see what's about to happen in slow motion as Peyton picks up the scrapbook. She starts to say that she did it a long time ago and take it from her but Peyton has already seen the letter. That's the page it opened to. There's karma for you. And then Peyton proceeds to tell her that she's been selfish. She has? **Really? **So she says that it doesn't matter because unlike her so-called best friend, she knows how to bury feelings for real. And walks out. Maybe she won't miss her. They don't talk at all for the rest of her last weekend in California and a week into her new life in New York, she calls Peyton and apologizes. She assures her that she's over it. Over him. Over the babies. Their babies. Tells her that he'll never hear any of it from her. And Peyton forgives her. And tells her that she doesn't think that she should tell Lucas either. He'd hate her for it. When they hang up, Brooke's still alone. And cold. She's not over it. Not by a long shot.

**-l-**

It's been a long year. He has just achieved something amazing. It reminds him of Peyton. And Brooke. High school. And who he wants next to him when his dreams come true. Because one came true tonight. And his girlfriend was not there for him. She wasn't beside him. And Whitey comes over and starts talking to him about what's important. He knows what's important. He watches his brother and his best friend with their baby daily. He knows that that's what's important. He even knows that it's what he wants. He decides that now is as good a time as any. He and Peyton love each other. They should be together. This relationship sucks as of right now. Something needs to be done to fix it- _to save it_- or it'll be over before he can even blink his eyes. He knows what he has to do. He has to give up this fantasy that Brooke is going to come to him and say that she still loves him. She's in New York, doing amazingly. Haley updates him regularly. She probably doesn't even think about him like she said she would the night of that last party. The family he has in his head is with Brooke. But that's not going to happen. He needs to make a step toward building a family with Peyton. She's who loves him. She's what he has left.

She's not here. She hasn't been all day. She's with this joke of a job. She's better than this. He wants to tell her that she's better than this. Because she is. She's Peyton Sawyer. And more talented than any music mogul out here. He loves her. She finds the ring before he can even ask. And he's utterly surprised when she tells him that she doesn't want to marry him anytime soon. That she doesn't want what Nathan and Haley has. Who doesn't want what they have? They love each other. They have a beautiful family. What is not to want? He wakes up and knows that he can't be with her. If she doesn't want to move forward then that's it. It's over. He leaves without even saying goodbye. And it actually scares him how easy it is. He walked in on Brooke and Chris and yet turning away from her over and over in the days that followed were gut wrenching. Maybe it'd hit him later. But at the moment, he thinks that the only feeling in him that he can recognize is anger. She doesn't want him either. And he doesn't know what he ever did to deserve this. He loves them both. He put everything into them. And neither of them wants him. He just wants a family. Why is that so hard?

When the airline employee points out the obvious, he has just had yet another dream come true, he realizes that he needs to share it with someone. He sees Peyton on the screen of his phone first. But decides against her. Maybe she's not the girl who is meant to be standing next to him. He's going to New York. Maybe it's Brooke. Maybe his first instinct was the right one. Maybe he still had time to convince her. He calls and leaves a message and then prays that she wants to see him. When the crowd parts and he sees her, he's stunned. He thought she'd call. Seeing her after all this time, with no preparation, amazes him. She's breathtaking as always. She looks older and, yet, he can't help but know that he still loves her. The feelings are still there. After all this time. He knows that they aren't ever going away.

She shows him her mother's takeover the world plans and he knows that's not her. He tells her about Peyton and she seems genuinely sad for him. And he wonders, for the hundredth time, how she just got over them. He wishes he could. When he kneels in front of her, she doesn't even flinch. Just tells him he did it right. He wants her to know that he didn't. She wasn't the girl in front of him. He shouldn't have proposed to Peyton. Because he isn't ever going to want her. Her mom is more upset than she is. When the she puts on the ring later in the night, he takes the time to admire it on her hand. Happy that he never slipped it on her gold haired best friend. She's who he wants it on. No scratch that. He has a better ring for her. One that he'd never give to Peyton. Or anyone else. Except Lils. And since Brooke would never take a ring from him for real, Lils will probably get it. His mom gave it to him a long time ago. And told him that it was for Brooke or any girl that made him happy. But Brooke knew and loved Keith like he did and she was the only one who deserved it. That's why he bought a ring for Peyton. It was Brooke or no one where the other one was concerned. He wishes that it was his mom's engagement ring in that box right now. He wants to see it on her finger. He is betting that it'd shine brighter on her. She brings out the beauty in anything.

The carriage driver is talking about how key to life is being loved and loving in return. And Brooke is comforting him because she thinks that he's thinking of Peyton. He's thinking of her, though. If love is the key to life then he's screwed because the girl that he loves is never going to love him back again. He hates himself for doing this to them. He made her leave. He'll never have her back. He's an idiot. So he drinks it away. But he can't seem to get drunk really. Sure his body is acting like it. But his mind isn't clouded. In fact, he is seeing everything much more clearly right now. And now she's standing in front of him, taking care of him, and he can't help himself. He wants her in any way possible. So he kisses her. He just wants a part of her. And the second that she pulls away, he knows he just made it worse. She tells him that she loves Peyton and so does he. And he tells her he's lost with out her. And by her he means Brooke. Not Peyton. But she doesn't get that. She thinks that she was right in pulling away. He can tell just by the recognition in her eyes. He just gave her a justification to hate him. Or to not love him, at least. She tells him that he should throw himself into his career and if she comes back it's meant to be. And then she says that he won't see her for a while and walks out. He can't help but wonder why watching her go, knowing that he won't have her in his life anymore hurts much more than Peyton saying no ever could. But he already knows the answer. He loves Peyton. But he's in love with Brooke. That's never changed. And being the best he can be at his work is not going to get her back. But he's going to try. Anything for her.

**-b-**

He's kneeling in front of her. Saying words that were meant for her supposed best friend. And breaking her. How could he think that this would be okay? Doesn't he know that she dreams of him doing this for real? She's distracted, thank God, by her frantic mother. Thinking that this boy is going to ruin everything that they've been working towards. Everything that her mother has been working towards. If her mother knew that this boy has the ability to love her. That she thinks about his babies and what could have been their future. Every second of every day. And that he's the only one that she wants and the only one that she thinks that she'll ever want- she's pretty sure that she'd probably strangle him with her bare hands. So she pulls Luke out and they decide to go have a late dinner and some drinks. Adding alcohol. First mistake. And things go downhill from there.

Somehow, she ends up wearing a ring that was meant for Peyton, in a carriage, in Central Park, listening to some random man telling them about the keys to life. Because he thinks that they're planning their future. They said all of the things that they used to say when they talked about it in high school. Their future. Together. The difference is she was still picturing it as Lucas and her. And he was picturing his life with her best friend. Yet, she was helpless to stop it. She wanted him happy; she was trying to convince him that not all was lost. After all, Lucas and Peyton were meant to be together. If not, she's been suffering for a long time over nothing.

By the time that they are walking through his hotel room door, he's falling down drunk. She's never seen him this way before. He's completely and utterly miserable and she wants to make it better for him. Anything he wants. Until he kisses her. And then every feeling that she has been keeping so flawlessly covered comes rushing at her. It's almost too much to bear. She pulls away and it's literally one of the hardest things that she has ever had to do. He says that he feels lost and she knows instantly that pulling away was the right thing. He's lost without her. Without _Peyton_. And she can't do that to herself anymore. She can't be his replacement until Peyton comes back. It hurts too much and they won't survive it again. They won't. She won't live through it. She wouldn't be able to take it. It would kill her. Hell, last time she nearly died. Drowning in her life. She will not and can not do it again. So she tells him to do what she does. Bury himself in some work and become the best that he can be. Peyton will come back if it's meant to be. And she means it. If it were her, she'd have never let him go. They'd still be in their hotel room celebrating their engagement twenty-four hours later. But it isn't her. And he doesn't want her. Then she takes the ring off and tells him that he won't see her for a while. Because he won't. She can't see him. She has to get over him. Again. Or, at least, remember how to pretend. And then she repeats his beautiful, calming words about her to him. He's going to change the world some day. She is sure of it. After all, he's already changed hers. And she'll love him forever for it.

She cries the entire way back to her midtown apartment. The cab driver stays silent other than asking if she's okay once. When they get there, she cleans herself in the lobby. If her mother saw her this way, she'd have a fit. Sure enough, she barely gets through the door and her mother is on her. She tells her that it was a joke. Lucas wasn't proposing. That's laughable. He doesn't want her. Their whole relationship was a joke. Her mother is saying that they have so much to lose and the only thing that she can think of is that none of it matters without that feeling. The feeling that she gets when his lips touch hers. And she's pretty sure that she even says out loud that she would give it all up for him. Love's the key. And she'll never have the key again. She'll be forever locked. Life is going to stay closed and guarded. Because she doesn't think it's possible to feel that way about someone other than him. And upon realizing this, she knows what she has to do. So she chooses to throw herself into Victoria's plans. Her company is her life. It's her only key. She needs it.

Later that night when it's just her in bed, after she's gone through the album and cried for her babies, she does something that she thought she'd never do again. She pours her heart out to Lucas. About the kiss. About how it made her feel. About her real dreams. And about Peyton and the reason she couldn't be in LA. But mostly, about her undying love for him. And how much she misses him and how seeing his face meant everything. And then she tucks it into her scrapbook. Their love story. Her **broken** fairytale.

**-l-**

Nine months, three weeks, a day and 10 hours. That's how long it has been since the last time he's seen Brooke. She won't take his calls. And he can tell by the change in the New York billboards that she took her mother up on the expansion project. She's busy. Because of him. Throwing herself into work because he's an idiot. Because he's always been an idiot. He's still being an idiot. Lindsey, his editor, doesn't want so much of the triangle in the book. She's decided that Peyton is where the true love story is. And they are going with that. So Brooke, for the most part, is getting edited out. And that kills him. She thinks he's meticulous about the way that he's wording anything to do with Peyton. And he is. He loves Peyton. He does. And he wants that to come across. When she goes to take out the passage that he let Brooke read at that party, she sees his temper rise. He threatens to just stop. Brooke will _not_ be erased. Not completely. He took so much of her out before he'd even started showing people it. His mom never even saw the first copy. And now Lindsey was removing what little he allowed himself to have of her in the book. He refuses. He tells her that Brooke shaped his life more than any of the rest of it and if she can't be in it, if her influence can't be in it, then he's not going to do it. Period. And she lets him win. One small battle. But it means everything to him. Brooke needs to know that he did love her. That he does love her. That no one will ever compare. He's hoping that those words convey that to her. Just like he'd hoped that they would two years ago in that empty room. He believes he helped her, then. So maybe, if she's ever having a hard time again, they'll help her. And then he could be in her life in some way. In **any** way.

When Lindsey said that they'd be like a married couple by the end of the year, she wasn't lying. He probably knew as much about her as he knew about the people he grew up with. They spent night and day together. Perfecting his book. His words. _His love_. His life. He has never met someone so interested in him. She has a little crush on him. And she's not so bad. But this is for Peyton. For Brooke. He loves those two girls too much already. He's already confused and he doesn't need a third girl in this death trap. Haley takes to her pretty shortly after they meet. Everyone likes her. She's likeable. And he can feel himself starting to fall for her. He's hoping that he doesn't. Because he's done with the games. One of the girls that he already loves is who he's ending up with so there is no sense in hurting this perfectly nice girl. They'll go on the tour together and then they'll go back to living five states away from each other. Editor and writer. And that's it. Life is complicated enough.

**-b-**

Lucas had a book signing last week at the book store around the corner from Davis Enterprises. She tried but she just couldn't face him. But he must have been thinking of her because he sent her an email telling her not to buy it. He'd have a signed copy sent to her. And he did. He wrote the most beautiful words on the inside of the cover. _To the only girl I know that's changing the world, you have the biggest heart of all of us. Don't squander it, Brooke. Love. As hard as you can. The alternative_ **is**_ scarier. Miss you love you and thinking of you always, Lucas. _She smiles. So glad that he has decided to stay friends with her. She needs him in her life. She misses him, too. She writes him an email thanking him and telling him that she's going to read it as soon as she can.

She starts it that night. And finishes it ten hours later. It never left her hands. It took so long because she sometimes had to read over things twice. And the page with the passage on it is already earmarked. Anytime she needs Lucas' words- she knows where she going to go. His calming words. The only thing that can bring her peace. The glow that only his approval can give her. But the rest. The rest of it _killed_ her. **Broke** her, piece by piece. At some points, she even sobbed. Remembering how she felt like she couldn't even breathe during his moment of clarity brought back that same old feeling. She relived every inch of that triangle that night. Just because he didn't mention that she was there didn't mean anything. Actually, she's wondering why she wasn't mentioned more. To make him and Peyton extra epic? Because he didn't do it to spare her any pain. It caused more pain than it spared. It took ten hours to read it. And another two weeks to stop crying in every spare moment because of it.

Sometime during those two weeks, she writes another letter to him. It's hateful_. She's hateful_. How could he do that? Pretend like they weren't in love. They were. Or was he not? He never loved her? Broken isn't even the word anymore. There is no description for her state. She almost burns every inch of their story. But she can't. It's the only place that she can go to and see her family. What could have been her family. They weren't in Lucas' book. He didn't know about them. He doesn't know that every May when she's buying Jamie and Lils birthday presents, she buys their child something, too. Nothing big. She boxes them up. But she needs to. She needs to love his child. Since she can't love him. Even though she knows that she'll never stop. And so the hateful letter joins the other two. And she writes him an email telling him that if his beautiful words can't bring Peyton back, she's a fool. She gets one back from him the next day. And they continue to banter back and forth with each other. His friendship is enough. It'll have to be. She needs it.

**-l-**

He's going to LA. Brooke never showed up to the signing in New York so he chose to send her a personalized copy. Figuring out what to write to her was so hard and he's praying that she doesn't take it the wrong way. But it's the truth. He misses her like crazy. He loves her like no other. And there's not a second that goes by that he doesn't think about her. She needs to love. Even if it can't be him. He needs her to be happy. Peyton's his only choice. Once again. He's surprised at how excited that he is that she accepts his invite to the signing. He wants her back. He needs her love in his life. Her friendship. They get each other. He misses that. This is the last stop and then he's going home to be with his family. He misses them. He starts over thirty minutes late. He was waiting for her. And she doesn't show. The signing is a success and he chooses not to send a book to Peyton. He knows her. She'll have to read it. She'll want to see how it turned out. It's who she is.

He and Lindsey go out that night. She's officially no longer his boss for a while, so it's not fraternizing. He's upset about Peyton. She can see it. But neither of them mentions it. He has developed feelings for this woman over the past year. She's the first _**woman**_ that he's ever had feelings for. And he begins to think that maybe he needs someone who's not from Tree Hill. Not from high school. And he decides to throw himself into her. Learning everything about her. Becoming the best boyfriend. He needs to be. He can't lose another person he cares about. Another person that loves him. He can learn to forget the other girls. At least he has Brooke's friendship via email. And he's not sure he can handle Peyton and Lindsey. So maybe it's a good thing that she never came. He'll never know. But it's over. He can love Lindsey. He can forget everything else. He can.

**-b-**

Peyton called tonight. And made her rethink everything in her world. Life has gotten increasingly hard. She's sick of the reporters everywhere she goes. She is so sick of pretending to be happy. She's sick of abandoning people that she loves because her mommy dearest said so. Haley needs her. Peyton needs her. And she needs them. She needs home. She needs Tree Hill. Mostly- she needs family. Lucas, Hales, Jamie, Nathan, Peyton. She wants her family back. She's not sure how much longer that she can live without them. They may all hurt sometimes and they may hurt each other sometimes. And maybe no one will ever understand it. But they love each other. And she needs that in her life. So she makes a decision. She's going home. Home to Tree Hill. Home to Hales and her boys. Home to Peyton. _**Home to Lucas.**_

She writes a final letter. She won't be able to do it once she gets there. Not with Peyton around. Not with Peyton knowing about her scrap book. She's sure that Peyton figures that she really is over it all. She tells him of her choice to come home knowing that she is probably going to have to watch them break another girl down. For their epic love. She tells him of her need for family. For real family. Her ache for children. For their children. The way she looks for him whenever she hears a basketball bouncing. How she longs to watch him play on the river court. How she cries for Haley's hardships nightly. How she feels like a failure where it comes to James. And then she tells him that she's going to fix it all. She's going to be better. That's what home does. There's a sign in his mom's café. This is the place where everything's better and everything's safe. And she needs better. She needs safe. She needs Lucas. She hopes he can be there for her. And make everything better. He promised her that. So many years ago.

She tucks the letter away. In her scrap book and then pack it at the bottom of a box with old clothes in it. No one will ever find it there. Their love story. Buried. Hidden away. And she's positive that it'll always stay that way.

**-l-**

Where are Brooke and Peyton? Where is Brooke? The Brooke he knew would have been here the second that Nathan got hurt. Haley needs them. Haley needs her best friend. He thanks God for Lindsey. At least Haley has someone. To help with Jamie. To help her cope. He needs Brooke. No one else has ever gotten him through tragedy like Brooke does. And he's realized over these past few months that no one will ever be able to. He's been praying for her. She needs to come save him. _Again_.

When he gets her email that states she's making a trip to North Carolina, he's so excited. He keeps it secret like she asked. But he's happy for the first time in a long time. She's coming home. She can fix everything. She will. And he can prove to himself that he loves Lindsey enough to spend the rest of his life with her. And he can love both Lindsey and Brooke. And be with one and friends with the other. He needs this. And he's missed her so much. He can't wait to see her. To hug her. She's all he has wanted for months- and two seconds seems too long to wait. But he will. And when she gets there, he'll practice self control. No time like the present when it comes to learning.

--

Season five is going to be in two parts and the first part shouldn't take too long. Please let me know what you think. And thanks for reading!!

-- Corey.


	6. Season five pt 1

Hey all. This is part one of two for season five. Thanks to the girls on MSN. I hope everyone enjoyed the premiere. I know I did. That couple is so doomed.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. The characters are Mark's babies. The title belongs to Sheryl Crow.

--

**-b-**

Tree Hill is a small place. And she's been just about everywhere but nowhere compares. It's home. It holds most any memory that truly means anything. It holds her Haley. Her Peyton. Nate and Jamie. And Lucas. She wishes it still held Karen and Lils but she gets that the tragedies that it holds are too much sometimes. But, for her, the love trounces those memories. She's sure that the love that this town holds conquers all, really. Just like the love that she has for her family of friends. They've been through their fair share of tragic moments. Together. Alone. But only the love remains now. It's all that matters. And her mother is so wrong. Beautiful things don't come here to die. They flourish. No matter how much pain and sorrow, the soil is fertile with love. And that's why she's home. She needs to find that love again. She needs them. _Her family_. And most of all, she needs Lucas. In person. No more of this email crap. She needs to look him in the eyes and tell him that she needs a family because of him. Because he showed her what a family is when he shared his and he gave her the ability to see them as a family. And because of all of that love, she needs him to be a part of that. Because he's the only one she'll ever love. And if he won't love her that way back, she's going to take him however she can get him. But she needs his love most of all. So he's the first person in this town that she goes to visit. Plus- she's a little curious about this illusive editor turned girlfriend.

It's early but she wants to surprise him. He didn't know that she got in last night. She opens the door. Of course, it's unlocked. No one here knows what a lock is. He's all covered up and she remembers him. In high school. He loved to throw the blankets over his head. She can't help herself as she jumps on top of him. And is thoroughly surprised when a female pops up. It's awkward and hilarious. She just jumped on Lucas' girlfriend, who seems nice enough. When he walks in on them, she can't even think. Everything disappears but him. As always with him. And when he says he missed her and reaches out to her, she goes straight to him. Just being in his arms gives her the feeling that she's been waiting for since she stepped off the plane last night. **She's finally home. **

Lucas suggests that they go for a walk to talk. They end up at some little diner having a big breakfast and catching up on everything. He tells her that Hales is in over her head. That their godson is amazing. That he loves Lindsey. She's been there for Haley. She's been there for him. He misses Karen and his sister every day but he knows that they're better where they are. No constant Keith reminders. Well- other than the fact that Lilly has his eyes. She tells him that she talks to Karen once a week and Lilly is the most beautiful little thing that she's ever seen. That she talks to Haley often and wishes that she was in Jamie's life more than just a birthday card and Christmas present and pictures. She knows that Haley's drowning. It's one of the reasons she's here. Lindsey seems nice and Peyton is a mess. He tells her that Whitey got him the coaching job and Skills is going to help him. He wishes Nathan would, too. It might make him snap out of it. She says that her mom is a bitch. But that she's paying attention and she just can't let go of that yet. It's something she always wanted. Her mother's attention. And he knows that. He tells her that. And then he says that he thinks she should come somewhere with him.

They're at Keith's grave. He tells her that parents suck sometimes. He should know. And she breaks down. And they hug again. But this time, it's different. They just sit there for a long time. Tears steadily flowing. Missing Keith. It's something that they share. The loss of the man who took the place of their crappy parents. She's in his arms and she tells him, after a long silence, that she's so grateful that he brought Keith into her life. He showed her family. And he tells her that he could never thank her enough for everything that she did for him. _Oh, Lucas._ She loves him. She hates it but she does. It takes everything in her to not tell him. But she just smiles and cuddles deeper into his chest. Happy to be home. In his arms.

**-l-**

He's running. His head is racing with thoughts. _Of her._ Brooke will be home soon. Maybe she can help Haley. He and Linds have been trying but she doesn't want to accept the help. Brooke has a way about her. Haley won't even look at it like help. And, if he's being honest, he needs Brooke. He needs her here. No one can see what he needs in a moment of crisis and give it to him the way that she can. He knows that she'll never love him again but he needs her. And she has never let him down. She's an amazing friend. He's lucky that she still even talks to him. And he's going to take her in any way that he can have her.

When he opens the door and sees his Brooke on top of Lindsey, he can't help the smile that spreads across his face. He missed her terribly and he can't get her off of his mind and then, poof, here she is. Looking just as beautiful as ever. If only that beauty could be in his bed every morning after his run. He wants to spend time alone with her so he asks her to come out with him. He's not sure how but they wind up at the cemetery. Visiting Keith. God, he misses him so much. Even now. Years have passed and the ache in his heart for him never goes away. Brooke gets it. She shares it with him. The pain. She was there through it all. Those first few nights when he didn't think he'd make it she rocked him through it. _His rock._ Crying with her is therapy for him. He needs her. It goes so far beyond love. Yes, he loves her. He'll probably never feel about anyone like he does about her. But he needs her more. So he makes a decision- to never do anything that will hurt her ever again. Including, give away his feelings for her. And when they part later, she asks him to help Peyton. He'll think about it.

So, when a few days later, he has the opportunity to help Peyton with Brooke's help and Lindsey's blessing, he does. He gives her the spare office at Tric. He's more than confused by everything that is happening here. And now Peyton is saying that she still wanted him when he started dating Lindsey. What is he supposed to do with that? Really? That's nice. But it doesn't change anything, does it? And then she hits him in his weak spot. She brings up the past. A time when they got each other. And he feels transported back to junior year. **Your art matters**. He said that to her once. And now she's telling him that his writing has saved her. How is he supposed to respond to that? He's happy that it helped her. But he doesn't even know the boy who wrote and edited that book. The book that was insanely edited. And before he can stop himself, he wonders what she would think of it unedited. Would it still matter? Probably not. Too much of his love for her best friend. He leaves because he doesn't want to have this conversation. He can't be sucked back in. But he goes home that night and he can write. He's not sure what did it. But he outlined an entire book. Is it Peyton? Brooke? A combination? He's not sure. But he's grateful.

**-b-**

Her godson is the most amazing creature ever. Seriously. He is a lot like his mother that way. Loving. They hit it off right away, thank God. She doesn't know what she'd do if he didn't love her. Lucas was right, though, he is pretty great. And smart. He reminds her of what Lucas would be like. She thinks about what her child would be like at this age. Hopefully, something like this. Haley and Nathan did awesome. She's so happy to know them. To know him. She just wishes she could know her and Lucas' child. _If only._

She decides that she can't leave. She buys a house for her and Peyton and looks for a place for a Tree Hill boutique. Lucas tells her that Karen's is up and he'd be disappointed if anyone else had it. She looks around, even though she doesn't really need to. She wants Karen's. If for no other reason but to make Lucas happy that he'll still be able to come here whenever he wants. She just hopes he still talks to her after the renovation is done. All day long, she's been looking for a way to keep the café alive in her store. When the worker walks past her, she's distracted and almost misses it. But when it catches her eye, she knows immediately that the sign is it. _This is the place where everything's better and everything's safe_. Her place. Lucas' place. And always always Karen's place, first and foremost. Later, when Lucas drops by. She shows him and he hugs her and thanks her. For loving his mom and cherishing this place. There's nothing to thank. If anything, she should thank him. For sharing with her. His mom. God knows she needed one. Cherish it? How could she not? He does. And that's all that matters.

**-l-**

Brooke's opening is amazing. Like her. He's so happy that it's her who bought the café. And not some random person. He doesn't know if he could take it if someone just erased his mom's world. He grew up there. There and the river court. The two places that he doesn't think he could ever handle being taken away from him. Lindsey suggested he go with Peyton. Which is weird. But he does it. And regrets it. Brooke's face is so disapproving when they walk in together. As is Haley's. At least Nathan's here. He's making an effort. That's good. Brooke's mom is here, too. And just as bitchy as he remembers her. She says Brooke's judgment is better now. Like she has to rub in that he'll never have her? He knows that. It **kills** him. Yet, so does Peyton flirting with the bartender. And he doesn't know where to go with it. So he decides to leave. He can't take this anymore. These two girls that are incredible and, yet, he's promised himself that he won't get sucked into the death trap that they were all in in high school. If for nothing other than the fact that he won't do that to Brooke ever again. He tells Peyton he's going and he can't help himself. This guy is creepy. She can do better. And he tells her. She flips out and tells him that he doesn't have the right. And she's right. He doesn't. God, why couldn't Lindsey just be here? He misses her.

He's had a weird day. Thinking about the past too much. He's getting sucked back into it. It's crazy because he can be happy with Lindsey. He knows he can. But somehow, with Brooke and Peyton around, he can't even imagine it. Brooke because she's it. And Peyton because she knows how to get to him. And he loves her. That'll never change. He goes to see Brooke because he needs to wonder if she ever thinks about it. Hopefully, Peyton isn't there. She isn't. So he asks her outright. Does she ever wonder? And she says that she does but things are better this way. He agrees. But his heart and mind and soul are all screaming at him that she's wrong and so is he. It's not better this way. They aren't together. And as he's walking out, Brooke asks him if he still loves Peyton and he can't even answer. Because he doesn't know what she wants to hear.

Lindsey has been really insecure lately. He's never seen this side of her before. Maybe he brings it out in her. And that is not a good thing. But she's been asking if she should be worried. And acting completely out of character. And changing the way she looks. And he doesn't like it at all. The scene at Nathan and Haley's house the other night was not fun. It was awkward. He doesn't understand why Peyton can't just be nice to her. He'd do it if the situations were reversed. He has tried talking to Peyton about it but she just doesn't see it the way that he does. And it's getting increasingly worse.

He goes to see her. To clear the air about whatever is bothering her. And the fight that they get into is ridiculous. Peyton is seriously throwing books at him over this. Seriously? Because, obviously she had nothing to do with the breakup. No fault at all. And so he just leaves because he can't take her. How could he ever? He's not sure. A couple of nights later, they're all at Tric. And this Peyton and Lindsey rivalry is getting out of hand. He is with Lindsey. He loves Lindsey. Why don't people get that? He goes to Brooke, hoping that she can help. But she's no help. Peyton's her best friend. Yeah, he wants to say, but she did this to you. Please call her off of my poor girlfriend. She doesn't get it. Or she does and doesn't care. But either way, she just pats him on the back and looks away. He gets it. She doesn't care. Because the way she sees it, Lindsey isn't going to last. He'll run to Peyton eventually. But that's not going to happen. It isn't. Not this time. When Lindsey leaves him there because of Peyton's petty game, he follows Peyton into her office. And proceeds to yell all of the things he's always thinking and never says. _Every time_. Every time that he's happy she destroys it. She destroyed him and Brooke and now she's doing it to Linds. That's not fair. She walked away. He tried to make it work. And she says that she wishes she didn't and she loves him still. And then she kisses him. He's so caught up in it that he kisses her back. He's back to being a sixteen year old who doesn't know what he wants. He says he has to leave and backs away. She asks if he still loves her and he can't answer it. Because he's not even sure if he knows the answer.

Lindsey is going to leave if he doesn't do something. Anything. And so he goes for it. Proposes. He's been thinking about it for a while now. He wants a family. He's happy with Lindsey. She makes him happy. And she can't go. He loves her. So he uses the ring that she found, gets down on one knee, and asks her to marry him. And she says yes. It's like a blur. But he does know that Peyton came to the door at one point. And she wasn't happy. But he can't do that to himself. He will not be sucked back in. He won't. This is what he wants. A family. And Lindsey is the best option that he has.

**-b-**

When Peyton calls her, she can tell immediately that something's wrong. She wanted to sit here, flirt with the cute bartender, and forget that she just sent Peyton to hurt Lindsey the way that she was hurt in high school. But Peyton doesn't sound like she got Lucas. She's on the couch in tears, holding Lucas' book. His declaration of Love. To Peyton. She starts to read it to her. The part that she can't breathe at and she stops her. She knows it. She doesn't need to hear it. When Peyton tells her that he proposed to Lindsey, she can't believe it. It's like something is crushing her chest. He's going to marry someone else knowing that Peyton is an option. How could he? They are meant to be together. If they aren't together, then where does that leave her? She decides to focus on only Peyton. Because she can't even comprehend her own thoughts. They burn the book and she holds her while she cries. And they eat a lot of Ben and Jerry's and, finally, they fall asleep.

When she wakes up and her best friend is gone, she allows herself to feel it. And cries for the better part of her morning while getting ready for work. She cries in her closet. She cries in the shower. She doesn't understand. He is supposed to love Peyton above all else. She knows that he knows that Peyton wants him back. What is he still doing with Lindsey? Would he have stayed with her in high school? Was she wrong about how he would have reacted? Could they be a family now if she had just talked to him about everything? Would her baby be about to turn five? She's driving herself insane. Maybe he loves Lindsey more than he ever loved either of them. And that's something that she's not sure she can handle. Nonetheless, Lindsey comes into the shop later that day, shows her and Haley the ring, which she immediately recognizes as Peyton's, and asks her to make her a gown. And she says yes. For Lucas. If this is what he wants, who is she to judge or make it harder than it has to be.

**-l-**

His day has been hell. Haley doesn't think he loves Lindsey enough. Skills and Nathan are making jokes about the triangle of death. And Peyton won't just leave him alone. Brooke called and told him that she heard the news twice. Once from Peyton and then she had the pleasure of seeing the ring on Lindsey's hand. He tells her that Lindsey found the ring. But that he really did plan on proposing. He did. He hopes she believes him. And then she does something that shows him, once again, why he loves her so much. She congratulates him. And tells him that she'll be making Lindsey's dress. She asks if he has any requests. And he tells her that if it's coming from her he knows it'll be nothing short of gorgeous. He hopes he sees her at the game. And they hang up. He's sitting there contemplating just how he got lucky enough to have her back in his life. He told Haley this morning that she'd always be number one but, if he's being honest, Brooke is above Lindsey and Peyton, too. He wishes he could make everyone see that. But it's not going to happen. And he just has to accept that.

He's locking up when Peyton walks in. He can tell that this is going to be bad. And he should just walk away. She's acting like a seventeen year old. Like the girl that he once thought he loved more than anything. But he doesn't know where that girl is. Or if she ever even existed. She has tears in her eyes as she tells him that she's going to let him go for his happiness. Like she could fight for him and win if she wanted. This isn't a game. She's not in the picture and she can try all that she wants but she'll never be in the picture again. But then- then she says the words that she knows will hit home. She compares it to Keith and his mom. She says that they're like them and, if that's the case, he figures out that she thinks that they'll eventually end up together. And that he'll be happy then, too. And she'll be selfless because she sacrificed while he figured out what he wanted. That will never happen. He wants to scream it at her. He already knows what he wants. And it's not her. He's not sure if she'll ever understand that. And, now, he's worried that no one will.

**-b-**

This is not a good night. It should have been. They were supposed to be at the guys' first game. But they aren't. They're stuck in the library. Her. Lindsey. Haley. Peyton. And Mia. Not a good combination. _Not at all._ Not when Lindsey is wearing a ring from Lucas that Peyton wants. And Haley has forgotten that she was friends with Peyton first. And Mia likes to instigate. And there's no cell reception. The claws came out immediately. But the night has gotten increasingly worse and it's mostly Peyton. But Lindsey should just let her go. Lindsey won. **She has him**. At one point, Peyton is wallowing in a corner and she goes to talk to her and hears about the infamous kiss. Like she didn't already know enough about it. She smiles and does her best but really, does Peyton forget who his girlfriend was then? Or does she just think that it doesn't hurt her at all because she's over him? Like she's over him. Whatever it is, it sucks. She also tells Peyton that it was her ring first. _Big mistake_. Peyton uses it against Lindsey and she breaks down. She should have known better. At the end of the night, when Dim lets them out, everything seems fine. But it's not. They're broken. All of them. Why can't Lucas just make up his mind? There's a big part of her that is hoping that he sticks with it. Just to prove that he can make up his mind. But then, the selfish part, wants him to go to Peyton. Because then she was right. He would have left her if she didn't leave him. And she doesn't know which side she wants to win.

Last week, she took Owen to New York to share her life with him. She's trying her best to move on. He seems like a good guy to move on with. He really handled the situation with Rachel well. And now she's got a drug addict living in her house. Because she needs to help Rachel. She's always been there for her. Owen basically blamed her. Lucas tells her it's not her fault. But she can't help but believe that she had something to do with it. She could have been there for her before it got too out of hand and she wasn't. They are all going to the engagement party tonight and leaving Rachel at home. She's really worried. Her mind is barely on Owen all night. But she's trying. It's just that between Nathan and Haley and what this is doing to Jamie, Rachel, and Lucas being in love with someone that's not Peyton, she's got a lot to think about. Add to that the fact that Owen and Chase know each other and he's here with Peyton and you've got a very confused girl. It's not that she wants Chase. They were over a long time ago. But it's just… weird. When she gets home and sees that Rachel left, taking the money with her, she's crushed. She goes to the shop. She's going to call Lucas because she just needs someone to cry to but Victoria is there. And she's not sure how it happens but, all of a sudden, she's firing her mother. She's no good. And she's done with her. It's too much now. When her mother leaves, she calls Lucas and it goes to voicemail so she goes home. And breaks down in Peyton's arms. Lucas is in someone else's. And, now, _they only have each other_.

**-l-**

They're getting closer to the wedding. While they're registering, they bump into Brooke and her new boyfriend or whatever he is. He wishes that he could just tell Brooke that she's better than him. But he doesn't. He lost that right. And he knows it. There is still a part of him that truly hates to watch her with someone else. But she's got to be happy. He wants that for her. He can be happy and she can be happy. Together they could have been… he's not even going to go there. Because it's not possible. He messed up and that's what he has to live with.

This thing with Nathan and Haley is killing him. They are supposed to be the hope. That something real and true can make it. Brooke feels the same way. He's talked to her about it. How can they be over? It's not possible. He's so happy when Lindsey comes up with the plan to make them see each other. It's like she was reading his and Brooke's minds. They'd make a good team. Linds and Brooke. He realizes then that that's probably a part of why he loves her so much. Her heart could rival Brooke's, on a good day. Their plan might backfire. But he has to try. His brother's a mess. His best friend's a mess. Jamie's a mess. And Brooke's a mess. He has to fix this for them, all of them, somehow.

The party seems to be okay. Nate and Hales aren't killing each other. That's a start. When he and Lindsey lay down on the moon bounce, he's thinking about so many things. Mostly Keith. Being there. At his wedding. Would he love Lindsey like he loved Brooke? Dan's hearing probably brought this out more. Did he really think he was going to be forgiven? He'll **never** forgive him. **Ever**. Everything is a mess. And Lindsey seems to get it. And for the first time, in a long time, he doesn't care about anything else but her. Because she loves him. They can be happy together. He'll make it happen. He has to. For everyone. But mostly, for her and for Brooke. And Peyton. _It's time to end this cycle._

Brooke has been a mess lately and he's barely had the chance to see her. He's finishing his book and she's finishing the gown. She fired her mom and if at all possible this has thrown her over the edge. She's sad. Too much is going on and she takes it all onto herself. She holds herself responsible for everything. He thinks that it's amusing really. She and Peyton are best friends. Yet, Peyton hardly ever takes responsibility, even when it's her fault and Brooke always does, whether it is or isn't. How he could love both of them, he's not sure. But he does. He did. He's not sure anymore. Tonight they went to the cemetery. Brooke needed to see Keith and so did he. He wants Keith there. Too much is going on. And with Dan possibly being released and his wedding quickly approaching, he thinks he should have a talk with his real dad. They just sat there. As usual. Each trying to convey to Keith, through their thoughts, what they want to say to him. Some tears are shed but not much. And then she invites him to come back to the store.

When they get there, she runs into the back and gets him a cup of coffee. They sit and he knows that whatever she's about to say, it's important. She's doing that thing with her hands. And she won't look him in the eye. She says that she came back for a reason. To Tree Hill. He smiles and goes to say something. And she stops him. She says that he needs to just let her say this. She wants a family. Like his. Like Keith and Karen and him. She tells him. A child. Being with Jamie just proves that to her. And with all that is happening, she's not sure she believes in conventional love anymore. She's sick of waiting for some man to come in and give her what she wants. If she has a child, will he be there for it when it needs a male figure? Because he's who she wants the child's male role model to be. She can't think of anyone better for the job. He's stunned. She wants what he wants. And she even wants him to be a part of it. He wants to argue with her. To tell her that love does exist. And that she's amazing and someone is out there for her. But he can't say the words. It would be like saying that he wasn't that guy. And that would kill him. She's going to have a family without him but he gets to be a part of it. He wonders if it makes it any better. Being a part of it. He decides that it doesn't. It's not the way that he wants it. He wants to be her husband. He wants to be the father. Not role model. What does that mean anyway? But she says it's what her heart wants. And he can't deny her heart. He never could.

It's the night before his mom and Lils get in and he's in his room. Dealing with the fact that Haley doesn't think he loves Lindsey. Who is it then? He wants to ask. But he doesn't. He knows what she thinks. And she's wrong. The woman that he loves the most is going to start a family without him. He can't take it. He gets up and goes for a run. And by the end of it, he's at the river court. _Sobbing_. She's still the biggest part of his world. And he doesn't know how to change that.

--

What'd you think? A lot of Lucas, I know. But I think we needed his thoughts more. So close to my season six. I'm excited. Leave a review and let me know how you feel about it!

--Corey.


	7. Season five pt 2

_I didn't think I'd ever finish this. I know it's been a long time. But I was very upset at episode two. I loved three and four but I was having a hard time doing this last part of the season. I felt such a lack of inspiration. The good news is that I just have to type up a few things and season six is completely done. So it shouldn't be too long now. Kristin thank you for always loving this story. And for not giving up on me. Lou- you are an inspiration and I love you. The rest of the girls on MSN.. I love you all. Thanks for your undying support. I hope you all enjoy this. _

* * *

**-b-**

She told Lindsey that she'd make her a wedding gown. And she did. An amazing wedding gown. Yet, as she's putting the finishing touches on the last of the alterations, she **hates** it. It's the worst dress that she has ever designed. She may never design another wedding gown again. She hates that Lucas is going to be watching someone other than her walk towards him. And it's not even Peyton. She prepared herself for Peyton a long time ago. Why? Why is he doing this? She closes her eyes and sees herself in this gown. That's cut exactly the way Lucas likes. The beading is how she used to tell him she wanted her wedding gown to be. And he'd ohh and ahh and tell her how amazing she'd look. This is her dream gown. And she's giving it to Lindsey. Who is having her dream wedding. With her dream husband. Milly knocks her out of it but she can't shake it. Today, it'll all be over. And Peyton won't have him. And neither will she.

She is overjoyed and scared to death when she realizes that it's Karen at the door of the boutique. Her opinion matters. More than anyone else's. And when she says that she's proud of her and loves it, relief courses throughout her body. A part of her is actually disappointed when Karen says she wanted to see Peyton and the café. What about her? But she lets it go. It's understandable that Karen would be worried about Peyton. They all thought that this would be her day. And she says that when Karen asks how she is. Because it's true. It was supposed to be Peyton's day. She's thinking about everything that's on her mind. Things she wants to desperately talk about to the only woman who has ever taken the time with her that is still alive. And she decides to do it. They're waiting for Peyton anyway. She might as well ask Karen for advice while she can. She wants to know how she has made life be okay. How she lost someone that she loves so much and continues on. Seemingly untouched. Karen tells her that she's already amazing. And she's going to be okay. She smiles. That's what she needed to hear. Karen's reassurance. She's the closest thing to a mother that she's ever really had. It's great to know that Karen cares and thinks highly of her. It matters. And then Peyton comes in and the entire focus shifts to her best friend. As always. But Karen makes sure to include her in her little speech about finding other things to matter. One door closes, look for the window. And Brooke knows. That's what she's doing. She is going to find her family. With or without Lucas. But she wishes more than anything that she was finding it with him and their children.

The church is beautiful. Lindsey did an amazing job planning this in such a short period of time. The floral arrangements are gorgeous. Everything is perfect. And, yet, she looks around and picks out the things that she'd change. Haley's dress would be gold. Peyton's would be green. Those are the colors that look the best on them. Lucas would be in a real tux. Fully uncomfortable. She'd have had fun talking him into that. Imagining that makes her smile. Nathan's vest would match Hales. And Skills would have a green one on. Maybe Milly and Mouth would be in the wedding party too. Lils would have a tea length white dress with green and gold ribbon laced into the middle. And as a head band. She'd be dispersing every color rose that there is onto the floor. And Jamie would look just like his daddy. The pillow he's carrying would hold their rings by ribbon. Gold for hers. Green for Lucas'. The church would be full of roses and lilies. One for love. The other for new beginnings and luck. The only thing that she wouldn't change is that dress. The gown that she's seen in her dreams and made for another girl. So she could marry the guy in those dreams. Smart. If only things had been different. _If only he loved **her**._

She's not sure she's seeing it. She remembers hearing him say I do. But everything after that is a blur. Lindsey didn't say it back. She ran out of the church. Lucas isn't married. Why? What happened? She's so lost. Why can't this all just be over? She and Peyton sit there for a long time after everyone else has left. She's sure that Peyton is in shock, too. She decides to tell her what she told Lucas last night. She wants a baby. And Peyton laughs but is supportive. This is all too much. When is life ever just simple? And why can't they all go to a place where it is?

**-l-**

He hears Lindsey basically accuse him of the book being about Peyton- just like he has heard Brooke and Haley and Peyton, herself, along with the rest of Tree Hill, telling him that he isn't over her. But all that he wants to hear is what his head and heart have been telling him for years. He has never been in love with Peyton; so what is there to get over? Sure, he misses his friend. She gets him more than anyone else, really she does. And he knows that the same goes for her. But that's it. That's where it ends, right? What does the comet mean? Her hears her say that she can't do this. Feels the ring that she presses into his palm. Watches her run out of the church. Feels himself fall to the floor- **devastated**. But it's automatic. Robotic. It's like he's watching it. Not living it. He's watching a life of making it up to Brooke run out the door. A life with a family. A life with an amazing woman. And seeing it from this angle. Brooke's face. Peyton's. Lindsey's. Haley's and his mom's. All that he can think is maybe he doesn't even deserve that life. The life in which he doesn't have everything he's ever wanted0 no Brooke- but he gets close. Maybe it's just too late for redemption for him.

When Nathan tells him to follow his heart, even if that's to Lindsey, he thinks of Brooke. Of a conversation he and his brother had a couple of years back that was so similar to this. And he went to Brooke. He does love Lindsey. Really and truly. And, so, he goes to her. But she starts reading words that he wrote in a frenzy. When both of the girls that he has always loved showed up in town a couple of months ago. She doesn't let him talk. Doesn't let him explain himself or the book. Does he even understand the book? Is it really a love story, like she thinks? Or an epic tale? He didn't even think about what it was supposed to mean while writing it. He just let it flow. She sits the ring that was meant for another girl on top of his manuscript and he calls out to her. She turns, locks eyes with him; silently, they make apologies and he begs her not to give up and then she turns and walks right out the door. He's left feeling more destroyed than he's felt in a long time. He knows that the only other person who has ever made him feel this way is Brooke. Maybe it's still Brooke. Because as Lindsey is walking out that door- he isn't twenty-two. He's seventeen and Brooke is walking away from him. And he's helpless to stop it. Just like that, the heart that he carefully reconstructed and hid for so long after Brooke walked out that door is shattered. Piecing it back together this time is going to be near _impossible_.

The rest of the night goes by in a blur. He gets a hysterical call from Brooke. Jamie's missing. Everyone congregates at Nathan and Haley's house, trying to find ways to figure out where he is and how to get him home. Nathan is a mess but trying to look strong. Haley is a wreck and not hiding it at all. Breaking down ever other minute. Brooke is sick from it all. Skills is blaming himself. And he's got nothing. **He's lost**. What a crew they all are. He wonders what the cops think of them. And then, as if from thin air, Jamie walks in. He can feel the collective sigh of relief as Haley picks him up and Nathan inspects him. But then they all gasp as he says that his grandpa saved him. Because that only means one thing, unless Mr. James is somehow in town. When he sees him, he snaps. It's been a long day and this is the last thing he needs. Something inside of him breaks. He chases him down and just starts swinging. Jamie almost sees it all before Nathan breaks it up. Jamie wants to thank Dan. That's when he knows. He needs to get out of this town. Out of this pain-filled town. There's nothing left here now. Only memories that he doesn't want.

**-b-**

Lucas has too much going on in his life. So she has decided to adopt without imposing on him for a reference right now. He's been through so much and now, now he's out to sea with his family. Relaxing. And she doesn't want to bother him. She thought that the process would take a lot longer anyway. When they call her three weeks into it to let her know that she's going to have a home study counselor at her house in a week, she's astonished. Surely it takes longer than this. She flits around nervously all week long, making sure that everything is perfect. Peyton's even chipping in. Thank goodness. She's starting to deal with Lucas not being around. It's easier for Peyton than it's ever been for her. That's what the little nagging voice says in her head. But she refuses to hear it. Maybe Peyton just isn't talking to her about how she feels or maybe she just knows that Lucas will eventually come back to her. That's something that she never had. Confidence that Lucas wanted her. Because that was reserved for Peyton. That's who he always wants. _Always_. And there she goes again. Everything always leads back to him. But not this time. This is about what she wants. Nothing else.

The minute that the woman from the agency walks in, she knows that she's screwed. She's always had a sixth sense about these things. In school, she knew instantly knew which teachers were going to pass her no matter what and which ones would find any reason to fail her. This lady was looking for a reason to fail her. The tour of the house, that she had spent every waking hour perfecting, didn't take long at all. They sat down to talk and she became more nervous than she had ever been before. This lady was here to decide if she'd be a good mother. That's huge. She asks her a lot of personal questions but she's done her homework. She knows that she's not that young. She knows that she can offer a chilled a lot more than most people. Not just materialistically. But she has a lot of love to give. She's rambling and nervous. And the lady isn't impressed. But she thinks that for the most part she's holding her own. And then she mentions Lucas. Like that has anything to do with anything. They were together in high school. So long ago. Their relationship, him saying I do to someone else. It has nothing to do with this. Right? Her mind is racing and she's looking at a picture of herself with Jamie. Seeing Lucas. Seeing their child. Why can't she just have their child? Their children? Their family? The social worker reaches the door before she puts it together. The agency talked to Victoria. Her very own mommy dearest is the only one who knows how deep her feelings for Lucas run. The woman confirms it and says that her chances for a child are slim to none. So she does the only thing that she can- she tries to convince this person who doesn't know her in the slightest and herself of her worth. Of the love and security that she could give to a child. She would be a good mother. She would! Then she calls Haley and asks if she can take Jamie. Haley hesitates but relents. She's the only one that understands. Because she knows. Everything. She goes and picks Jamie up from school and holds him tight. She might share him with Naley. But she also shares him with Lucas. And they may be the closest she ever gets to the heaven of having a family. She hates that. Lucas is her family. But where are their children? That night she cries. She writes him again. Because it _is_ about him. **It's always about him.**

**-l-**

Andy's boat is big and comfortable. And far away from Tree Hill drama. And houses two of his favorite people on this earth. His mother and sister. But he's running; he knows that. And Andy's daily wisdom keeps him well aware of that fact. He's only brought up Brooke once, thank God. His mom gave him a sharp look and he never tried to go there again. This is a Peyton or Lindsey decision. And Brooke isn't a part of it. By her own choosing. He wants Lindsey. He chose. It looks like she's making the same choice that Brooke made all of those years ago. And it's killing him. The night before he's set to leave the yacht to visit Linds and then face home, his mom comes into the room that he's been sleeping in. She asks him a simple question. One that reminds him of Brooke. Of the first night that they ever made love. Why Lindsey? Why not Peyton this time? He can't answer her the same way that he answered Brooke that night. Because it's not as simple as loving one and not the other. When he doesn't answer, she asks him another question. Where's her engagement ring from Keith? Why didn't Lindsey have it on her finger? He calmly tells her that that ring was for Brooke. And she gently reminds him that, yes, she did say that he could give it to Brooke but she also said that it could be any girl who makes him happy. But he's stubborn and insists that it's for Brooke. Only Brooke. His mother sadly shakes her head, as if to say that he isn't hearing her and then says, more to herself than him, that maybe Brooke is the only one that has ever made him happy. Yeah Ma, he thinks, maybe that's the problem. As he's leaving the next day, she gives him a pointed look and says that she loves him and to be sure before messing with everyone's hearts again. Before he starts walking around proclaiming love to anyone. It isn't something you can make happen, no matter how much you want it and how hard you try. Then she embraces him for a long time and, as she lets go, whispers that maybe he's the only one that has ever made her happy too. He's sent off with love to everyone back home and caution. And a final warning. Just think about it.

Lindsey's secretary doesn't see him slip in. He wants to surprise her. Her smile drops the minute that she spots him at her desk; that's what he chooses to notice. She's firm and he realizes that she's probably never going to relent. But he's going to fight. He'll prove to everyone that he can live outside of that hellish triangle. So he pictures a time when Brooke was this stubborn and his words just flow. One day you'll see. One day you're going to want me. And I'll be here. _So familiar_. Yet, he's trying to block one girl and replace another. He's so screwed up. Maybe going back home isn't such a bad idea. He can think about it. Brooke couldn't love him. She hasn't for a long time. His mom has crazy ideas sometimes. She just loves Brooke. It doesn't mean anything. It's Lindsey. And everyone will see. He won't waver.

**-b-**

She's getting a baby. Sure it's not permanent. But it's a step in the right direction. And she can prove to everyone and herself that she would do well at this. Maybe even be amazing. She's going to show everyone. But then Haley and Peyton get there and she realizes that she didn't even get her food. She got enough toys to last her a lifetime. But no food. No crib. What's wrong with her? Haley saves her by saying that they'll get her some things from when Jamie was a baby. Thank goodness for Haley. When no one is around Haley asks her if she's sure about this. She's going to get attached. She knows that. But doesn't want to think about it. Thankfully the boys walk in at that moment and she gets to tell Jamie about the temporary addition to the brood. She doesn't look at Lucas. She doesn't want to know what he's thinking.

She's thinking too much. But between Owen being a jackass and Chase offering himself to her, she's got a lot to think about. And of course, she calls Lucas. Why not? Ugh, she's not thinking enough. He told her he'd be right over. And she thinks he must have wings because he gets there in record time. Sits down and eases her mind immediately. He tells her that he remembers things about her. He remembers her monkey. He thinks she's amazing. And selfless. And, the one that made her soar, like his mom. He thinks she's as strong as Karen. As loving. As caring. She loves that he can do that. He knows just what to say to bring her back to the planet and make everything okay. She asks a stupid question to stop herself from thinking about just how much she loves him. Will she like the monkey? He's not ready to stop the intensity, apparently. Because his answer is more than intense. She wonders if Peyton feels the way that she does when he looks at her. Do his eyes do that? Does she get chills when he says love? Even if the word isn't directed at her like she'd like it to be? She hopes that this little girl loves her. There's nothing she needs or wants more. _Almost nothing_.

Peyton offers to come get the baby with her. But she wants to do it herself. She needs to. When they hand her Angie, it's like someone is handing her the most precious gift she's ever been given. She just stands there and looks into her eyes for a long time. She loves her already. And then she takes her to see Lucas. This is something that she needs to share with him.

**-l-**

Peyton feels responsible and is sorry. He can tell. As long as she just lets him get Lindsey back and backs off, she has nothing to be sorry for. She didn't tell her to run from him. She didn't make him write a book that is supposedly about her. She just has to leave them alone now. She has to let him prove that he loves Lindsey. And no one else. No one else. Brooke calls him later that day all panicky. And he goes over to calm her down. She's so beautiful when she lets it show that she's terrified. He doesn't know if he actually helped but he'd like to go punch that bartender in the face. That'd make him feel better at least. Who is he kidding? He loves Brooke. Lindsey will never be the only one.

Jamie's birthday is something that he's been looking forward to for over week. Angie and Brooke are making it go by faster. But he needs to see Lindsey. To convince her to come home. To **him**. When the day finally comes, he's jumping out of his skin in excitement. He can do this. Brooke is more stubborn than Lindsey could ever be. And she talks to him. She's his friend. There's an accomplishment in that. Once at the party, he realizes that this is going to be insanely hard. She has no interest in making this work. Not even Jamie's angel face can soften her. Later, he sees Brooke having trouble with the car seat and goes to help her. She's amazing with this child. It astonishes him. She's going to be a great mom. That makes him just as sad as it makes him happy. She'll never be his wife. She'll never mother his children. She's going to do great without him. She asks about Lindsey and he sidesteps. He reassures her because she's so down on herself and she tells him that he's doing good too and gives him one of the hugs that he longs for every time that he's in her presence.

Lindsey comes to the house to get the rest of her things and it hurts. He hurts. She tells him that it takes _more than love_ to make a marriage work. What does that mean? He's there. He fights for it. He wants it. That should be enough. She leaves and he spends hours sitting on his bed. Looking at the key that she left behind. This isn't her house anymore. She can't come in whenever she wants. She won't ever be here to surprise him when he gets home. It's **over**. He's not going to convince her. He won't be able to. She doesn't want to hear him. There's a knock and the last thing he wants is company. But it's Brooke and he completely forgets anything that he was thinking. She looks tired. And miserable. And she asks for more reassurance. He knows how she feels. He's not doing so hot. He asks her to come in and occupies Angie while Brooke does her work. It's nice. They're almost a family. It feels like it anyway. And when she asks him if he'd do things differently he wonders if she's not asking if he'd be here with her as a family if he could. If he could change the way he acted. Make it possible for her to still love him. **Hell yes**, he'd change things. But he doesn't want to tell her that. Just in case she can't hear it. Just in case it'd hurt her too much. So he tells her the truth. He wouldn't take the things for granted that he did. Her. Keith. Her. Basketball. Her. His mom being around. _Her_. He'd find a way to make her love him always. To never forget it. She says she's going to leave and he just can't bear the thought of her going home. Him being home alone. The house being empty. He says stay before he even realizes that it came from his mouth. And she does. She falls asleep shortly after. She looks like a angel. A cold one, though, because she's doing that thing with her arms.. covering them to warm herself up. So he goes and gets her a blanket, covers her, and then sits at her feet. She must feel him because she shifts herself to be closer to him. And her head falls into the nook. That's what she always called it. She always fit perfectly in his arms. He doesn't even open his eyes. Just wraps his arm around her. And suddenly this house feels more like home to him than it has in over four years. Because Brooke's here- in his arms. And she's a part of this family. This family that he wants. It's right here. Everything and anything that he could ever want. He hopes and prays to God that he never has to leave this position. He wants Brooke and Angie here, like this, **_forever_**.

**-b-**

She wakes up in Lucas' arms. Angie is cooing and Lucas is laughing at her. She's wondering why he hasn't moved, if he's awake. She figured last night he was just too tired and so he slept with her like that. She never expected him to. And when she tries to move out of his grasp to get more comfortable, he tightens his grip on her. He whispers to her. Almost pleading to just stay that way just a little bit longer. She smiles and asks him if that's what he needs. And he seriously tells her that it's all he needs. So she does. She shifts her weight towards him and looks at Angie's big smile, aimed at Lucas. She just loves him. He's just a lovable guy. Brooke could stay like this forever. But her stomach growls and he looks at her and smiles. He says that if she takes the baby, he'll make her favorite for breakfast. She tries to tell him no. That she should get home. What's Peyton going to think about her not coming home? And he says that she's a big girl. She's not sure who he's talking about. But she can already imagine the pancakes with chocolate chips in them. So she stays and they have breakfast together. And she **aches**. This is what life would be like if they were a family. All of a sudden she sees a little girl, dark hair, blue eyes and her dimples running through the hall. She's probably around five. And she can smell her. She smells like lavender. And her hair is in pig tails and down to the middle of her back. She jumps onto Lucas's lap and they are laughing at some inside joke. She looks down at his plate and giggles daddy made mama's favorite today. She looks down and can see that she has a very large belly. And Lucas tells her in this incredibly funny voice that mama and the baby need breakfast so daddy will do whatever it takes to make mama eat. Because he loves mama. The little girl askes what about the baby? He says that his babies are what he loves most of all. All **three of them**. She laughs and says that he needs to learn to count. And Lucas kisses her nose and says **one**. Then goes to her and kisses her large belly, **two**. And then up to her face and kisses her nose, **three**. She smiles. And pulls her baby to her. And she looks up and says that she loves her _mama_. And then she hears Angie's cry. Instantly, she's knocked out of the day dream. Lucas asks if she's okay. She smiles and says that she missed these pancakes. But she's going to cry. She needs to get out of here. She rushes out as soon as breakfast is over. Instead of home, she goes to the boutique, closes her eyes, and pictures the café. And herself and Lucas kissing.. Seventeen and _in love_. And happy. And then she breaks down. She cries for hours. Her babies and Lucas and she could be a family. She was so selfish. She'll never have that now. This is so unfair.

She looks at Angie, who has been sleeping peacefully since they got to the first stop sign when leaving Lucas' house, and knows that there are things to be thankful for. Like the fact that she's alive. That she has her company. That Lucas is her friend and here for her no matter what. That she has the Scott's for anything. That everything is okay in their world. She's thankful. She lives a full life. The next couple of days fly by. The doctor scared her at the appointment and although Lucas was there and was trying, there was really no calming her down. He held her after the appointment. Telling her that everything would be fine. They'd all be okay. She'd see. But she can't even remember that when Peyton comes into her room at six in the morning and tells her to get Angie ready because they're doing the surgery today. All that she can think is that she needs Lucas now. She asks Peyton to call him and says good-bye to the baby that she's grown to love. And tells herself that everything will be okay. She's not sure if she can handle another dead baby.

**-l-**

When Peyton calls and tell him that they're at the hospital, he can barely think to get ready. He just knows he needs to get there. Brooke's probably a mess. That doctor scared her. She's shaking when he gets there. And thankfully, Peyton leaves them alone. He needs her to. Because he wants this to be them. He wants it to be about their family. That's what he's been referring to it as in his mind. _Their family_. That sounds nice. For once, he's happy that there's no Lindsey. This would be cheating on her, for sure. At least, in his mind. Because he's pretending that he's with Brooke. That Angie's theirs. It's the happiest that he's been in a long time. He tells her anything that he can to calm her. She rests her head on his shoulder and he tells her silly stories. And she laughs. When they get serious, she asks about Lindsey. She is so sure that Lindsey loves him. That she won't stay away for long. He wants to ask how she knows. Is it because she didn't love him? Is that how she could stay away? Or worse, be around him and not be pretending the way he is? He walks away. He has to. He goes and gets a cup of coffee. He's going to have to leave to go to the game soon and he doesn't want to. He wants to stay with his family. Brooke understands. At the very least, he wants to be here until the surgery is over. He checks his voicemail and calls Haley back. He lets her know that everything is fine. And asks her to come by later, during the game to see Brooke. He doesn't want her here alone. She smiles. He can hear it. And tells him that she's glad that he and Brooke are getting close again. He laughs and says that he is too. And then gets off of the phone so he can get back to Brooke.

The doctor is talking to Brooke and she's crying. His heart drops. He's really scared. She sees him and tells him that she's fine and he rushes to her. She falls into his arms and he holds her. Thanking the doctor and every god there's ever been. She's good. Brooke's happy. And he's here. That's _all that matters_.

The game is the last place he wants to be. But they're winning and his guys are on so he's happy. During half time, that changes. Lindsey calls to tell him something about the book and she ends up telling him that she's dating. Dating! It hasn't been that long. He must have meant nothing to her. He goes crazy. He's not even sure why. But he does. It's a blur and he gets thrown off of the court. Nathan tries to talk some sense into him. _He needs Brooke_. He needs his family. So he goes to the hospital. Brooke tells him that he's not allowed to be in the room. It's okay. He just wanted to make sure that they're okay. He tries to tell her about Lindsey but she's just so happy that Linds called. He doesn't want to upset her. Angie's fine. Brooke's fine. And they are fine without him. Brooke asks him who won the game and he's thinking about something Keith once said to him. That Brooke not wanting him would be a loss. And that's what he tells her. Win or lose the game, it doesn't really matter. Because, tonight, **he lost**.

He finds himself at Tric, drinking shot after shot. And Peyton picks him up. He doesn't even try to fight her. Just lets her take him home. At some point, she undresses him and puts his pajamas on. And she kisses him on the forehead and apologizes. Which makes him mad. **Furious**. Because it is her fault. Brooke left him because of her. And now Lindsey is with someone else. She ruins his life. And so he tells her. He hates her. He doesn't want to look at her. Because he hurt her and he knows it. But he doesn't care. She disgusts him. She thinks the world revolves around her. And it does. At least, as far as any girl that he's ever loved is concerned. _She's the center_. And he just wishes that she would go away.

**-b-**

Angie is cleared to go home a week early. And she's aching. She was supposed to go to the beach with her today. Lucas has been here every day since they got home. She knows that something's going on but he doesn't talk about it. Haley said that Lindsey upset him and he went off on someone at the game. And that he was an excessive jackass to Peyton. She's worried because Peyton doesn't want to see him. So she's been staying away from the house. And he always calls to make sure she's not there. She knows that's the reason. Even if he doesn't tell her. But today was supposed to be a girl's day. Just her and Angie. And it's ruined now. Now she has to bring her to the airport. And say good-bye to her forever. She tries to remember what Ethan said. That Angie will always know that she saved her life. But that doesn't stop the pain. Not even a little bit. She calls Lucas but asks him not to come. She should do this alone. She just wants him to know.

Handing her over is the hardest thing that she's ever done. And she's not sure that she will get out of this airport without breaking down. Thank goodness that there will be no paparazzi around to catch this. And then she sees him. It's like he's _heaven_ sent. The crowd parts and he's there. He walks to her and she just breaks down. And he's stoic. But she knows he is probably hurting too. But he rocks her and tells her that it's going to be okay. He tells her that she's amazing. An amazing mother. Any child is going to be lucky to have her. And they're going to give her one now. They won't be able to deny her now. She just showed them. How amazing she is. And she just continues to sob into his chest. For her aching heart. For his words. For them. But for her lost babies mostly. She loses everyone that she's ever loved. **What's the point?** But he picks her up and walks her out to her car. And she lays her head on his shoulder. He tells her that he'll stop by later. She nods. She knows what that means. He needs to think. He needs to be alone to be upset about his. He's going to the river court. _It's who he is._

Later on, he tells her that she's beautiful and that she saves people. And she wonders if he thought about her while he was at the river court. She feels like she just needs to tell him a little bit of how she feels. About him. So she tells him that he gets her through the rough times. He always has. She wouldn't be who she is without him. And then she remembers the last time that they were sitting like this. He said that the little girl would love the girl who gave her the purple monkey. So she hands it to him. She hopes that he remembers. And she tells him that she loves him. And she means it. No matter how it comes out. He smiles. Thinks about it. And says it back. Intensely. And for just a brief second, she pretends he means that the same way that she does. And then he's gone.

And she's alone. **Always alone**. Maybe that's just the way that it's supposed to be.

**-l-**

These past couple of weeks have been a blur. There have only been two constants. Brooke and Angie during the day. Tric at night. He's stayed away from Peyton and everyone else too. One day Brooke had Jamie so he hung out with him but he's trying to avoid Hales because she's all of a sudden Peyton's best friend and it pisses him off. He doesn't want to apologize to her. She doesn't deserve it. Of course, he doesn't hate her. But that's not the point. The point is that he meant it when he said it. And he's not sorry he did. She's not getting a sorry from him. He's on the roof of Brooke's shop with Haley since she ambushed him at his house. And she tells him to make a choice. She adds Brooke into the mix. Can she see it? Does she know that he really loves Brooke? She's his best friend ,after all. Maybe she does. Or maybe she's just grasping. He loves her but she just doesn't get it. She doesn't get any of it.

Lindsey is in his house. In his room. What used to be their room. Handing him a finished copy of The Comet. It's done. She wanted say good-bye in person. And as she walks out, he knows for sure that it's over. She doesn't even say whether or not she misses him. It's done. He needs to let go. He sees that he missed a call and that it was Brooke. And his heart breaks just at the sound of her voice. He's leaving for the airport before he even hangs up. She'll still be there. He shatters at the sight of her. She's breaking down and no one is here for her. She asked him not to be either. But he had to be here. And when she sees him, she walks to him and lets him pull her into him. And he just does anything to make it better. Nothing matters but making her feel better. When they part at their cars, he hopes she does feel better. But he needs some time alone, in his world, to contemplate this all. To figure out if he can choose Brooke. If that would be okay with her. If she could handle it.

The river court has Peyton all over it. His world. Ruined. She really does know how to ruin something. At least she goes all out with it. He gathers that, at some point, she must have read his book. Either Haley or Lindsey gave it to her. She just thinks that she's it. She doesn't even ask. Just assumes. He calls Haley immediately. Because he doesn't know what he thinks. And she comes and spouts off the truth. What love is. It's good. There shouldn't be so much pain in it. And she calls them the trifecta. _Brooke. Lindsey. And Peyton_. He looks around as she walks away. He needs to have faith. But he has none. And he's probably going to run again. Because he really just can't deal with this. Before he leaves, he texts Lindsey his dedication. **To all those lost souls who forgot to believe in the immensity of love.** Because they were all lost. All of them. **Him and his trifecta.** And Haley is the only woman in his life who isn't. She's the only one who believes. The book is dedicated to all of them.

He goes to Brooke's. He needs to talk. He asks where Peyton is. Why is she leaving her at home alone at a time like this? And Brooke tells him that Peyton doesn't know about Angie. She doesn't like them to see her vulnerability. He finds that funny. The thing he loves most about her. That's what she hates to show him. He realizes that he's probably hurt her more than anyone else in this world. He won't do that to her again. He's going to do whatever it takes to keep her safe. And he gets up to leave. To apologize to Peyton. Her best friend. And she hands him the monkey. He's transported back to a day almost two months ago. When he told Brooke that Angie would love the girl who gave her this monkey. He can hear her tell him that she loves him. He just doesn't know if it's real. He can tell it's a friendly love by the look on her face. So he give her a little piece of what he's really feeling. He loves her too. He just wishes that she'd hear it the way it should be heard. Instead, she'll think he means it the way she did. And_ he means it as much much more._

He tries to let Peyton know that he doesn't hate her without giving her hope for them. Because, while yes, it's hard to be without her sometimes, he has moved on. And he doesn't want to go back there. He can't. _He won't_. He wants more. He wants to feel crazy in love. Peyton can't do that for him. He used to think she could. Before he knew her. Before they ever talked. Before she became one of his best friends. She means the world to him and he'll always love her. But he'll never be in love with her. When she tells him of her dreams, he's **sad for her**. Because all that he can think is that she saved him and herself from living a lie. Of course, they'd have a happy life together. But it'd never be extraordinary. They'd never be oblivious to everything else because that's how in love they were. They weren't passionate about each other. It's just not in the cards for them.

Lindsey left a message after receiving the dedication. She lied. She misses him. And he doesn't even know where to begin with that message. She's afraid of the immensity of his love. And he's not sure that he ever loved her immensely.

He goes home and he packs his bags. He needs to leave. Where he's going.. he doesn't know. But he needs to get out. He sits in the chair at the airport for a long time. Reliving being there with Brooke earlier in the day over and over. He zones out at some point. When he comes to, he dials a number that he knows too well. He knows what he has to do. It's what's best for everyone. **Everyone but him.**

That's just how it should be. He should be paying for his mistakes. Even if it means _forever_.

* * *

So I'm sorry for any grammatical errors that I didn't catch. I'm tired and I didn't do a thorough sweep like I usually do. Please read and review. They make my day!

-Corey


	8. Season six pt 1

So Season six is completed. By hand at least. I've decided to break this down into three sections instead of two. Because the beginning of this is a lot longer than I thought it would be. But lets face it- Mark's an asshat and he made Lucas one. And I had to fix that. So I'm sorry for the ultra long first Lucas section. But it's important. I had to fix robot!Lucas. The next section starts at 605 but with the exception of a few things that I knew from spoilers it'll be my own. Thanks to my girlies on MSN. Because you are all love. And I love you all! Without further adieu, Season six.. :)

* * *

**-b-**

Her phone is ringing and she's hoping that it's either Lucas or the agency. She could really use the good news that Angie's home safe and sound with her mama right about now. The surprise on the other end, though, is not a pleasant one. It's Victoria. She must have taken some how to be an ice cold, evil bitch class at some point. She's ranting that it's her company, too. Blah, blah, blah. She doesn't have time for this. So she hangs up and hears a knock at the door. It's mommy dearest. Apparently, she's hatched a plan to stage a coup and throw her daughter overboard. She'll believe it when she sees it. She'll never get her sketches. And without them, her plan is as good as dead.

The next day, she informs Millicent of it. And tells her to keep Victoria away from the new line's sketches. As she's yammering on and on about it, she notices a little girl lifting one of her personal favorite shirts. She doesn't skip a beat. Walks right up to her and calls her on it. She gets the shirt from her but before she can take her into the back and call the police, the girl pushes her down and runs. This is really not her day.

She decides that Haley just may know who her little thief is. She does teach at the high school, after all. And this girl did look about that age. She goes to Peyton's studio to see her. She's there to see Haley and to see Peyton. Who didn't come home last night. Haley's there. Peyton's nowhere in sight. They watch the video and then talk about life. Victoria. Jamie. Angie. And she mentions that their other friend didn't come home or call last night. And then, as if they could read their minds, they both get the same text at the same time. Hers' from Peyton. Haley's from Lucas. They're together. And she can see Haley's smile so she returns it. And after a few minutes, she says that she has to go. But Haley stops her. She asks if she's alright with that. Lucas and she have gotten close over the past couple of months. Was something happening? She tells her not to be ridiculous. She'd never do that to Peyton. And Lucas would always love Peyton. _Always_. He couldn't even see her. And Haley pulls her in for a hug and tells her that that is simply not true. Her best friend is a bonehead. But he sees her. He _knows_ her. A lot has just happened. Haley trails off and she smiles at her. She assures her that there's nothing to worry about. She's fine. Just fine. And then she leaves. She stops the tears before they start. This was bound to happen. It was always going to happen. It will always be Lucas and Peyton. **Always**. There has never been a doubt in her mind. She's prepared for this. She's ready for it. She can do it.

Mouth comes over and says good-bye to her later in the day. It's one of the hardest things she's had to do this year. Saying bye to Mouth. And that's saying something. Because she's had a rough year. When he tells her that Milly wants to stay for her, she's happy that she has such a loyal friend but she knows what she has to do. So she goes to the store and sends her home to her man. Because she's right. Love doesn't come around everyday. And you need to take it where you can get it. She knows that from first hand experience. Mouth is a great guy and he loves her. There isn't anything that she wouldn't give to have Lucas love her. To really love her. Like he loves Peyton. Like Nathan loves Haley. Like Mouth loves Milly. Milly just has to be with him. And with a little persuasion, she goes to him, leaving her to close her own store. Not that she minds. She has to get used to it now, anyway.

She finishes her sketches and locks everything up. She's been by herself thinking for far too long. And as she walks to the door and turns out the lights, she looks around with a firm resolve. This is her store. Her life. Her dream. **Her wish**. She wishes that were true. She's going to make it true. It's her consolation prize. No one is going to take it from her. And she turns to walk out the door and screams at what she sees. A masked man comes in and starts pounding his fists into her face. She aches all over and suddenly, everything goes black.

**-l-**

He's not asleep. But he feels like he is. It's almost like he's in a trance. There's a guy in front of him and he knows that he's in the city. The guy is shuffling playing cards and telling him to find his queen. And he hears her. _Brooke_. They're married. They're acting like a married couple. Except they live in New York. And apparently, they don't visit Tree Hill often. Brooke's busy and he's busy. They have everything that they ever dreamed of. This is the life he wants. He just wants it in Tree Hill. **Is that possible?** He tells her he does love her. He wants to get the point across. She smiles at him and says it back and his heart does back flips. That's how happy he is. But then they walk through the doors and he's in Tree Hill. He's at home. And Peyton's his wife. _Weird_. They're joking and laughing. And he doesn't miss his friend anymore. He's got her. She's here. And she tells him that this is more than she ever could have dreamed. She's happy. Then he sits down from the craziness of it all and hears Lindsey. Now he's on the beach. It looks like they're somewhere in New England. And they're married. It's so easy being around her. She's so loving. And she makes it easy for him. It's just simple. _Too simple_. The most effortless thing he's ever had to do. And then all of a sudden, he's in the city again. The guy is still shuffling the cards. And then he sees them. One by one. Haley. Jamie. Nathan. Lindsey. Peyton. _Brooke_. All pleading for him to just choose a queen. Find his heart. And he sees Brooke and he just knows. He picks the last card_**. The final one.**_ And turns it over. And there she is. There's his queen. There's his heart. He's always known. And then he snaps out of it. This isn't a dream. It's real life. And what did that just mean? What has he always known? _Brooke_?

The guy from the strange hallucination is in front of him, questioning his odd behavior. He's going over the dream in his head. Turning it over and over. Trying to make sense of it. And then he gets it. He knows what he has to do. He's thought it through. He dials a number that he knows too well. This is what's best for everyone. Everyone but him. And that's just how it should be. He should be paying for his mistakes. _**Even if it means forever.**_

The guy starts talking gibberish to him. Reminding him of Brooke at every turn. Like he knows that he just called a girl that he shouldn't have and asked her to marry him. Like he can sense that he's about to go and change his life forever. To be haunted forever. And then just like that he says that he made a good choice and then there's Peyton. Tears in her eyes, as expected. That's what happens when all of your dreams come true. He can't quite bring himself to tell her that he loves her. Not yet. So he kisses her. And that does the trick. As they're walking to board their flight, he looks back for dream guy. And he's nowhere in sight. But there's a playing card in the chair that he'd been sitting in. If he had to guess, he'd say it was the queen of hearts. Because his queen, his heart, was staying here in Tree Hill. Just like that card. _He's leaving it behind._

The ride in the airplane is comfortable. There isn't much talking. It's all very surreal. He knows that Peyton feels that way too. Just happy. She's getting was she wants and he's making her dreams come true. And that's all he could or should ask for. He's just thinking that he wants to do this quick. Like ripping off a band aide. No one has to come. Brooke doesn't have to watch or make a dress. He doesn't have to see her face. He never knows what's going to hurt her and he's doing his best to figure it out. So it doesn't happen anymore.

The room is the only vacant room in Las Vegas for the rest of the week. Apparently, there's a convention in town and no decent room is left. So they are stuck in a room with mirrors on the ceiling. Peyton is really great about it, though. She's trying her best to please him. Anything. And he knows that he needs to start working on making her happy, too. He doesn't know who suggested that they have sex for the first time in years. It's awkward to say the least. But whoever said that it's like riding a bicycle wasn't lying. It's like they go right back to four years ago. Right back to high school.

By the time that they've informed Brooke and Hales via text that they're fine and Peyton is changed into a pretty white dress, he's starting to feel more than a little guilty about doing it this way. He knows that he didn't consider her feelings when he stood on an alter a couple of months ago. And he'd never subject Brooke to this. He'd give her any wedding that she wanted. **No matter who it hurt**. So if this is about making Peyton happy, he needs to start acting like it. She's being too understanding. He's finally realizing just how horrible he has been to her over the past six months. She's scared to death of this not working. Of him changing his mind. So when they get to the chapel and it's too sub par, he puts a stop to it. He can't do this to her. She doesn't deserve it. No one does. He's doing this to make her dream come true. They aren't doing it here.

They're in Los Angeles. Peyton said she had an idea and he blindly followed her. He's laughing. He missed this. Spending time with someone who knows him better than he knows himself. He said that he wanted to make a dream come true. She literally took him to a place where he could. So he does it. He makes her **sad** dream come true. He bites the bullet and tells her he loves her, for the first time, out loud, in a long time. Since the last time they were in this room together. And he does love her. _Really_, he does. But he's happy she doesn't make him finish the question. He's not sure he could do it. Ask her to be his wife. Out loud. To her face. He's rather just close his eyes and forget himself in kissing her. So he does. And, he can tell, she doesn't mind.

The next morning after telling each other stories of their childhoods- at one point even acting it out by jumping on the bed- they board a flight home. Peyton is visibly worried. Brooke wasn't as happy as she had thought she'd be for them. He decides to take the time to inform her that Angie is gone, now. At first, she's mad. She never would've left, in the first place, had she known. She's yelling. He gives her a look, raises an eyebrow, and questions, **really**? So she backs down and admits that she'd have at least called more and made sure that Haley was there. He smiles at that. And tells her that Haley knows. He told her. She sighs, relieved. And thanks him for thinking of Brooke. _**As if he thinks of anyone or anything else.**_

Peyton is spending one last night at her best friend's house and she has banned him from stopping by. Which he hates. He wants to make sure Brooke is really okay. Peyton says that she took a nasty fall and is down about Angie and so they're having a girls' night. He can't help but think that there's got to be more to it than that. Haley's always invited to their nights and Peyton said that Brooke just wanted the two of them. Maybe she just wants a night alone with her best friend. But it seems weird to him. He goes to see Haley instead. He figures that he's going to have to tell her eventually. She'll be happy. There are only two people whose happiness he's worried about when it comes to this news. Brooke and Lindsey. Brooke because of everything that's going on in her life. She might feel like he won't be there for her. And that would never be true. Ever. And Lindsey because this proves her right. And he never wanted to do that. But it's honestly the best solution for all of them. **His trifecta.**

At first, Haley doesn't seem thrilled. But then he reminds her that she said to pick a team. So he did. She smiles softly. He can tell that she's biting her tongue. And she asks if he's happy. That's a question that he doesn't know how to answer. Not for himself. It's such a mixed feeling. He's not sure what he feels. He's happy. He has his friend back. The drama can end. But is he as happy as he can be? Happy in the way that she is? Or Nathan? Or even Peyton? That'd be a big negative. Because Peyton will never be Brooke. And that's that. But he smiles as he says that both of them are. Deflecting attention onto his bride to be. Because at least half of that statement is true. He continues to lie. The truth would be that the happiest he's been in a while would be any time that he spent with Brooke and Angie. His family. For a while. And now they're broken. _As is always the case with families_. But that's something that Haley's not ready to hear and he's definitely not ready to say out loud. That'd make it far too real. He's not ready to feel that loss yet.

Jamie talks him into a guys' night and spends the night with him. The next day, he goes to Brooke's to pack up Peyton's room. Jamie wants to see his Aunt Brooke. So does he. He wonders when she became "aunt." Jamie's face falls when he can't find her anywhere in the house but she has his favorite popsicles in the freezer. He's easily persuaded to stop pouting. The go to work in Peyton's room. And Jamie's mind goes into overdrive. He starts asking questions. Questions that, if asked by anyone else, he'd think were being asked purposely to make him uncomfortable. He asks about his relationship with Lindsey. Then Haley. And then, he knew it was just a matter of time, Aunt Brooke. Has he ever been in love with her? He laughs it off but it physically pains him. If only he knew just how much in love he was with Brooke. How in love he IS with her. But he'll never know. And _that sucks_.

They're in bed later on that night. Peyton is already sleeping. But he's awake in the dark. Thinking about it. Why isn't Brooke answering his calls or calling him back? Something is going on here. Something huge. And he doesn't like it. At. All. He resolves to go over there tomorrow. He'll make her talk to him. She just has to. He needs her in this life. His phone rings, breaking through his thoughts. The voice on the other end sounds so far away. It's Principle Turner. Quentin Fields was shot and killed tonight. He thought that he should know. The players are going to need their coach. When he hangs up, he looks over and repeats the words to a concerned looking Peyton. And she pulls him in and says that she's sorry. It's right then that he realizes it. As she's comforting him. **She doesn't know him best.** Because he's only felt something comparable to this once. A tragic death. Wrong place. Wrong time. Too soon. And it was a brunette comforting him instead of a blonde. And she made him feel warmth when he never thought he would again. Now, even in his fiancé's arms, he's cold. She doesn't know what he needs. She can't help him. Only one person can. And she's not an option. She made sure of that. She doesn't want him. **Need him**. And he needs her. So bad. _He's never felt more alone._

**-b-**

This is the place. Where everything's **better**. Where everything's _**safe**_. No one had to ever tell her that. She's known it since she was sixteen and dating Lucas the first time around. She always loved the café. She even worked there for a very brief period during her junior year. But mostly it was just her safe haven. Because it usually held Haley or Karen. And those were the two people in this world that she leaned on most. Well, if you took Lucas and Peyton out of the equation.

Who's here now? Not Karen. Not that she blames her. Not Haley. There are more important people that she needs to help. And she gets that. She has a family. A son. Not Lucas. He's probably still in bed with Peyton at the moment. She gets that they're soul mates. It doesn't change the fact that it hurts like hell. Not even Milly. She's got Mouth and love. In Idaho.

Deb knows. She's the only one that she's told. She had to call her when she realized that she couldn't tell Peyton. She doesn't want to seem like she's raining on her best friend's parade. Lucas had always been a point of contention in their friendship and no matter how she feels about him- he's Peyton's now. And she's not going to tell anyone anything that would take the attention off of the girl she loves. The girl who just got everything that **they** ever wished for. The girl who just **won** in the triangle of hell. So she called Deb. Deb who is the only mother who is half way decent and still in town. Who would feed her lunch when she was in grade school before she knew Mrs. Sawyer and her nanny of the month forgot that little girls were supposed to eat. Deb. Who has been married to **evil**. So she knows what it looks like. Deb. Who knows what **trust** means. So she won't break it. And Deb because she's the only person who she knows that owns a gun. And she needs to feel _safe_. She needs to learn to protect herself. And Deb can help. So she knows. And no one else needs to. _They can't help her_ anyway.

She's _alone_. Alone in a place that houses most of her fondest high school memories. A place where she made her high school dream come true about six months ago. A Tree Hill boutique. And, yet, a couple of nights ago, all of those memories were replaced with an image. A gloved fist. And black. The most horrible memory has ruined anything good about this place. She's so scared and helpless and she just feels like leaping out of her skin. She hates feeling this way. She needs control. So she chooses to spin completely out of control. She picks up handfuls of clothes and throws them into the street. Peyton stops her tirade halfway through. And she goes off on her. She asks for her house key. She screams. She feels an _irrational_ newfound hatred towards her best friend. She doesn't even know why. But she does. And it's strong. She just wants her out. As she's leaving, she tells her that one of Lucas' players was killed and she thought she'd want to know that he's a mess. And she knows her best friend well. That's code for I can't handle it alone. But she knows that she can't help him**. She can't even help herself.**

They're all at the Naley house. Pondering life and death. She just got back from the range. She bought her own gun after Deb took her a couple of nights ago and she's starting to actually hit the target. Right where she wants to. It's exhilarating. She's zoning out because she's so sick of the self pity in the room. Pot.Kettle.Black.much? But it pisses her off for some reason. And her best friend is leading the troops. _Of course_. Don't they even get it? And before she can stop herself, she's rattling off statistics. Life sucks and then you die. She just wants them to understand. Yes, it sucks. Life is unfair. But it is what it is. And they should just accept it. They're all adults. But then she sees Jamie's devastated little face and she feels bad for doing that to him. He shouldn't have to accept it. Not yet. And suddenly, she can't breathe in this room. So she mumbles an apology and gets out of there.

She makes it to the pool before Haley stops her. She's concerned. They all are. And she's starting to worry that this weak lie won't work. It's not going to hold water once Haley or Lucas decides to care. She knows. They're too smart for that. Haley can tell she doesn't want to talk. And she thanks God that she and Haley became so close all of those years ago. Because instead of confronting her, she backs off. She knows that it doesn't mean the end of it. But at least it's the end of it for now. Haley does offer the name of a therapist, which she graciously accepts. Maybe she should talk to someone about this pent up hate. Towards her mother. Towards Peyton. And she does feel like _she's losing her mind_.

She resolves to start acting better around her friends. She doesn't want this out there. She goes to Peyton at Lucas and Karen's house- that's whose house it'll always be to her- and apologizes. She gives back the key. It pains her to hand it over. She's so tense. But she has to do this. She doesn't want any suspicion surrounding her and her story about the bruises. The irrational, intense hatred that's been growing towards her best friend completely disappears when she shows her the clothes that she saved. And tries her best to help. Even if it doesn't. But as soon as she looks around, noticing Lucas' room morphing into Peyton's. Remembering a time when it was hers. And the loathing is back. **Full Force**. She can't help it. There isn't an ounce of her that's happy. Everyone has been waiting on these two idiots since high school? But somewhere along the way, she fell in love with one of those idiots. And now that her "dream" is falling apart, that's even more apparent to her right now. She can't deny it anymore. Not to herself anyway. She doesn't want Peyton in that bed. Or any bed for that matter if Lucas is in it too. She doesn't want to help plan their wedding. She doesn't want Lucas as a friend. She wants a family. And **she wants it with Lucas**. And this hatred. This loathing is toward the person who stands in the way of that. Who always has. With _no apologies_. She's going to have to remember how to bury this all over again. But not today. Today, she's going to the gun range. Her new **safe** haven. And she embraces the disgust with it all. She has a damn good aim.

The funeral is in a couple of hours. She picks out a black dress. She has to go. It's not about Peyton or Lucas. Skills or Nathan. But it's about her tutor-mom and her godson. They are devastated. And she has to be there for them. There's a knock at her door as she finishes getting ready. It's Nathan. No doubt Haley sent him. She doesn't believe this story about the bruises. She could tell. She's trying a different approach. Nathan has known her the longest; they're the most alike. She can read Haley's mind. And he delivers it so well. Almost well enough to break her down. She almost tells him the truth. **Almost**. It's nice to know they care. But as he's talking about the people that they were in high school compared to who they've become, she's thinking back on it. When did they start becoming these people? What happened to the two kids who didn't care about anyone or anything- unless it included them? She knows the answer. _**Lucas and Haley**_. They happened to them. Lucas is the love of her life. Haley is Nathan's. He's Nathan's brother. She and Haley were close enough to be sisters at one time. They even lived together. The two of them believed in two kids who were self centered and completely insecure. They believed that they could be more. So they were. The moment that Lucas and Haley came into their lives in a big way. _That was the moment that changed everything._ Made them better. Made them strong. Made them happy and loved. Made them believe in the good. In others. In themselves. But there's one big difference. Nathan still has Haley and Lucas. Who does she have? He hugs her and she just can't bring herself to hug back. She can't feel. She's forgotten what it's like to feel anything but anger, hatred, and sorrow. And _it's eating her alive._

Later, she breaks down with Jamie at the grave. The grave of someone who she didn't even know. She's not crying for him. Or for herself. But for Jamie. For the love inside of him. She's crying because it's so incredibly apparent that this little boy knows how to feel. She didn't at his age. She was so numb by then. And then at eight, that changed. Anna Sawyer died. And she learned that Peyton was family. They were kindred. They each had no one in this world. But now they had each other. And then she lost it again. When she saw Peyton and Lucas on that computer screen in junior year. She lost her feeling for anything. Enter Felix. But that didn't last. Because she had already been opened up to a world with Lucas. And that numbness didn't last long. Because Lucas and Karen and Peyton were all there. And then Haley. And then Lucas taught her about being in love. _Being so in love_. And even though it all crashed down around her, she kept what they taught her. She had Haley. She had Karen. That never changed. And then eventually she had Peyton and Lucas again. It just wasn't the same. And somehow, now, she's forgotten it all. Somehow, now, she sees how truly alone she is. And Jamie's love for this boy that she didn't know astounds her. It's _staggering_. And she loses it. She cries like a baby. And he takes her hand. And she **feels**. She squeezes it. He's her lifeline. She will fix this. She needs to feel. For Jamie. For herself. _**She wants to believe in the good.**_

**-l-**

The funeral was a couple of hours ago. He's still thinking about it. Thinking about Q's mom. About Jamie. About Brooke. Mostly about Brooke. He doesn't get what's going on with her. But he knows that it wasn't a fall. That's for damn sure. He knew that the second he saw her face. It wasn't about the bruises. Technically, he guesses a fall that was bad enough could have done that. It's more about her eyes. They are more dull than he's ever seen them. They usually shine. They don't anymore. It's like she's defeated. _**Like she's given up**_. Brooke Davis does not give up. Not ever. And he's seen them do this before. But it's always gone right away. Her eyes haven't shined since he saw her before Vegas. And if they were shining then, this wasn't brought on by Angie leaving. He knows Victoria was lurking around. But she doesn't usually have this effect on Brooke. Not for this long. The only person who has ever had this effect on her… is him. And he doesn't want to believe that this has to do with him and Peyton. And if it does, where'd she get the bruises from? He was going to figure it all out. But then he got the phone call. And everything spiraled out of control. And surprisingly, this all makes him think of Brooke more. Because he feels like he's seventeen and Keith just died. He's reliving it. In the looks on the faces of his players. Through Skills and Nate and Jamie. The devastation that happens when a life is taken carelessly by a cold blooded killer. Because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. And Brooke was there through it all. She's the only one that gets it. She's the only one that ever did.

He just wants to talk to her. But he can't. She scared him at Haley and Nathan's house earlier when she started spouting rape statistics. If someone raped her, _he's going to be the cold blooded killer_. No, that's not it. It just can't be. He couldn't handle that. If that happened and **he couldn't save her**. He'd never be able to live with himself again. She came back and said bye and that she had a lot on her mind. But Haley agrees with him that something isn't right. They had a mini conference about it. Him and Peyton. Haley and Nathan. And Nathan said he'd go talk to her. Maybe he had something interesting to say. Apparently, both Haley and Nathan think that she might not be talking to him and Peyton because she might feel like she's in senior year all over again. But that's crazy. Brooke didn't love him then. And she doesn't love him now. _Right_?

He looked back as they were all leaving the cemetery. Brooke and their godson were still at the coffin. A cape draped over it. And they were holding hands. And she was crying. No. Crying doesn't quite describe it. She was sobbing. And Jamie was the only one comforting her. He is such an ass. He should be there. No matter what it's about. But they stopped him from going to her. They don't think it's a good idea. All that he knows is that she is the only one that can make him feel better. And maybe she feels the same way. They could help each other. With whatever it is that they're dealing with. He could help her. Why can't he just go help her? Let her know that he's here. Why is it this complicated? **He chose**. It's supposed to be over now. And then he remembers the guy from the airport. You can't choose. Love finds you. Damn it. **Destiny**. That's Brooke. Maybe destiny wouldn't allow the drama to go away until everything is in its right place.

The days to come are long. And difficult. The first game is unbearable. And Brooke isn't there. The loss of Keith is so overwhelming tonight. He wishes that he could just focus on the loss of Quentin. It would be easier. But he can't. He walks down that hallway. He orders the patches. He thinks about the words Whitey said to him after. So that he can find a way to inspire his players. He is going to retire Q's jersey. He stays up one night just looking at his. At Keith's name. At the twenty-two. Keith's was never officially retired. It wasn't hung on a wall. It was given to him. No one would ever have it. No one but him. He liked it better that way. It doesn't need to be on display for the world to see. When Skills kept his number three, he was so happy to have Keith's twenty-two. So honored that it was offered to him. Brooke's eyes that night- they shone. With tears. He knew that she knew what it meant to him. To have that jersey. He remembers thinking that she was sorry that she couldn't be there for him. Since that was the only reason that she was holding on. To hold him together. He remembers trying to hide it. He remembers her coming over to him after the first game with it and hugging him. He remembers being at the river court after a run. Crying. In the jersey. And she was there. Like an angel. And **she held him**. She _made it all better_. God, he wishes she could make it better right now. He needs her to. Because this game is so unbearable. It's like that game. And he wants her arms around him. No one else's could ever make him feel that way. Like there was still _**something good in the world**_.

The guys lost the game. But they lost in the most victorious way possible. They stood their ground. Held their own. And he is proud. Tragedy brings teams together. It makes them strong. And he's taken back to senior year again. Thinking of that. It reminds him of his team. They rallied around him. They even forfeited because they didn't want to play until they could go back out there as a team. He wonders if Keith is watching. Is he proud too? Does he know what happened to Brooke? Does he know that his nephew continues to make a mess of his love life? He wishes Keith were here. To help him. Keith always knew best. _Always_. When they walk out to the whole crowd standing there and clapping. For the team that just lost. He wants to cry. That is something. This town knows tragedy. It holds its own. They are like a team. The citizens of the Tree Hill. They stick together. Always. There's only one Tree Hill. _**It's home**_. He goes and talks to Q's mom. He lets her know that that's the way that they've decided to play for the rest of the season. One man down. And she holds in her tears as best as she can. She thanks him and he wonders if losing a father and losing a son feels the same. He wonders what it's like to be a father. He wonders if he'd even know how to be one. If he would make Keith proud. If he could measure up to Keith. It's then that he realizes that he's never even thought about fathering Peyton's children. He can't imagine not having a little carbon copy of Brooke running around. How is he supposed to do this?

He can't. But he will. _**He has no other **__**choice**__**.**_

* * *

And that's all she wrote. – Not really. I have the others handwritten out. I just want to make clear that if something resembles Mark's crap, I have had everything planned and written out since before last Monday. So it's only coincidence. Lol. I'd say that within the next week, this fic will be over. Please review. They make my day.

-Corey


	9. Even If It's A Lie 6pt2

Okay so I'm officially done with this story. The next chapter will be up around Saturday. And there will be an epilogue also. I'm also going to do personal thank you's. Dana and Lou have both read over this. So thanks girls. And the MSN girls have been amazing. I heart them. Hope you guys enjoy this..

* * *

**-b-**

She's at the therapist again. Last week's session led her to New York. To Victoria. And she gave up everything that she had. If her mother, using the term loosely, wanted it that bad, she could have it. It's not worth it to her anymore. She's not sure if it ever was. She and the therapist talk about Victoria. About the things she had said. About the fact that neither of her parents wanted her. She figures that it's why there was never any love in her house. The therapist asks her how that makes her feel. And she doesn't know what to say to that. How does it make her feel? She feels like her mother is ridiculous. Karen had less money than Victoria and managed to start up and run a successful business and be an amazing mother. She feels like her father is a stubborn jackass. A boy? So what. Maybe everyone should be able to pick the sex of their child, play God, so that they always get exactly what they want and never have to be disappointed. Mostly, she feels the same as she always has. _Unloved to the point of numbness_. Not good enough for anyone. That's how she feels. But she doesn't say that. What's the point?

She's in a coffee shop pondering what she could possibly dream of doing now. Since she's a failure. Which is something that she hasn't been used to for a very long time. She's used to being the successful one. That's her thing. And she's also trying to figure out if she is really afraid of love so much that she actually chooses to be alone. She must, on some unconscious level, be afraid of it. Love, that is. Because she's only ever seen it hurt people. With the exception of Naley- her one hope. And even they have had their share of rough times. They get through it because they know how to fight through it. She wonders if the reason that she and Lucas never got through it is because she doesn't know how to fight for it. Or he doesn't. Or maybe they both don't. Or, maybe, he just didn't care enough to try. It doesn't matter now. Now, he's with Peyton. She's making her wedding gown. If she thought that making Lindsey's was hard, she couldn't even begin to fathom how hard it'd be to make Peyton's. At first, she thought it'd be easier. But it's not. She can't even bring herself to look at the design that they came up with. It's so Peyton. The opposite of Lindsey's. The opposite of what she would have wanted. The cut isn't anything like the dresses that Lucas had always admired. There's nothing about pleasing Lucas in that dress. It's all about Peyton. All of the time. **Just like always.**

The little thief girl paid for her coffee when she fell asleep, lost in her thoughts. There's something about her. She can't quite put a finger on it. She just seems… as miserable as she feels. She doesn't stay long, but leaves her feeling intrigued. She is going to ask Haley to talk to this girl. Something isn't right there. Maybe she can help her. She goes to Haley first thing in the morning and asks her to find out for her. Then she takes Jamie for the day. He's full of questions about love. Seems Lucas' switching up is taking a toll on him. He doesn't understand. He asks if she has ever been in love. And she tells him that she thought she was once. A long time ago. He asks who it was. And she tells him that it's a long story. He just sighs and says that everyone says that. She laughs and says she figures that she should figure out if she was in love before blabbing the story to everyone. He tells her that he not just anyone. He's James Lucas Scott. And she's his Aunt Brooke. You can tell family anything. She smiles at that. And tells him a story. _That doesn't have a happy ending._

**-l-**

Peyton has set a wedding date. And Lindsey knows. The wedding is more soon than he thought it'd be. And Lindsey found out in the worst possible way. There's nothing about this that is happy. This wedding. Well, with the exception of his bride. And he figures that she's the only one that really needs to be happy. But he wishes that he could share in that. He just can't. Not when Linds is so unhappy about it. She looked so crushed. He knows that look well. It's the one that Brooke always had when it came to him and Peyt. It makes him hate himself just a little bit more. The last thing that she says to him is that she was rooting for the couple in the book. Yeah, she was. But there were two couples in the book. He wishes that everyone would remember that. He doesn't bother saying it. Just like everyone else, Lindsey doesn't even remember that he was in love with Brooke. And they'll probably forget that he loved Lindsey, too. But it doesn't change it. Because _he knows_.

He's getting ready to go on tour. For his book. They cut it pretty short but he's still going to be gone for two weeks. Peyton is a mess over this guy who is maybe her dad. And he doesn't want to leave her alone right now. It doesn't seem right. Brooke's a wreck. She still isn't talking to anyone about it. But since the bruises have healed, she's talking at least. He knows that she has Jamie today. Haley told him. She also told him that she's looking into this girl for Brooke. One of the students; her name's Samantha. He laughs as she tells him what she knows about her. Of course Brooke would want to know her. She sounds lost. She sounds like someone he vaguely remembers. And then Haley tells him about her paper. About how talented she is with words. And she points her out to him. He tells her that he would like to go to talk to her, if that's okay. She agrees. He's sure she knows that he wants a reason to talk to Brooke. She just gave him one.

Speaking of messes, this girl sure is one. He'd say that she's got issues. But he somehow gets her to talk to him. He gets more out of her than anyone has. She tells him about her parents. One is gone. One in jail. About her string of foster parents. Who've abused her in any way possible. He can tell that she thinks that she's **unlovable**. He knows a girl who felt that way once. He'd like to think that he helped her. Him and Haley. Karen and Keith. They all helped her. Brooke. And maybe Brooke could take Keith's place. And they could help this girl. _**The four of them.**_

He finds Brooke at the river court. With Jamie. They talk in whispers. Neither of them wanting their godson to hear. He really knows too much about how cruel this world is already. He's seems unscathed by what happened with his nanny last week. But that doesn't mean he isn't. They are both so good at hiding. And he's pretty sure that little J.Luke could hide something like that, too. After all, they do share blood. Brooke seems genuinely upset by what he has learned. She asks him to come over later so that they can talk. She wants to help this girl. There has to be a solution. He knew she would. She's his pretty girl, after all. And she wants to do so much for everyone. He wishes that she would have stayed with him for the umpteenth time since she walked out his door. There's no one more amazing than the girl sitting in front of him. **No one**.

**-b-**

She drops Jamie off at the school. Haley asks if she and Lucas got a chance to talk about Sam. And she says that they are going to talk about it tonight. Maybe Haley can come over? She says that she'll be there. She has something to do and then she'll be there. Lucas shows up first. He's always on time. Too bad that he thinks she's sketchy for keeping her doors locked now. It's so unlike her. It's five o'clock at night. What's going on? She stares him down but says nothing. He repeats himself and she mumbles that it's not like he cares anyway. That sets him off. She's never seen him so angry. Well, almost never. She smiles thinking of a time when they were in love. He's yelling at her about loving her. Caring about her. And then he slowly and quietly asks if she was raped. His eyes meet hers and she knows that he's **terrified** of the answer. No. She wasn't raped that night. Thank goodness for small miracles. She thought he was going to. She thinks that he thought of it, too. But he didn't. And she just breaks down. The tears come and they just don't stop. And he chokes out an 'oh God' followed by her name. And he pulls her into his arms and tells her that he'll find him and kill him. She's shaking and her face is wet because his shirt has soaked up as many tears as the fabric will allow. She realizes that he thinks that she was raped so she shakes her head. She says that the store was broken into. And she was there alone. And he beat her. But he didn't rape her. And he looks at her. And then he asks if that changes things. Someone hurt her. **They're going to pay.** She ignores that. Deciding to tell him about Victoria. His eyes have turned to ice. And she finishes off, saying that she's broke and doesn't know what to do now. The only things that she kept when she gave up the company were the old café and her house. But she'll figure it out. No one should worry about her.

Haley clears her throat. To make her presence known since they usually block the world out when they're like this. She tells her that they worry about her whether she likes it or not. They'll figure this out. _They're family_. They will do this together. She loves her. Nathan loves her. Jamie loves her. She is good enough. She needs to know that. Lucas is nodding next to her, agreeing with everything that their mutual best friend is saying. And she feels love. She is starting to remember what it feels like. No surprise that it's the two people that got her there the first time. And she breaks down again. Crying happy tears because she has these people. And Lucas brings her back into him. She forgot how safe his arms feel. And she feels Hales come over and put her arms around both of them. _**This is what family feels like.**_

And Samantha deserves that, too. Lucas tells them that he put in a call to his mom. She's coming home for a while. To help out. With everything. Haley is going to talk to the guidance counselor about it all. To see about placing Sam with one of them. And, for her part, she's going to be the one to take her in. To show her the love that Karen showed her at that age. She just has to get her to agree with it.

**-l-**

Brooke finally told him the truth about the bruises tonight. He doesn't know if he should be relieved that she wasn't raped or mad that she doesn't think that they care enough about her to want to know about her hardships. He wanted to tell her just how much he cares and thank goodness that Haley walked in when she did or he probably would have. She needed it. She needs to know how much they care about her. She has given him the task of telling Peyton. She doesn't want to see her face when she finds out. She feels guilty for lying. But he thinks that she probably feels guiltier about something bad happening to her because it bursts his wife-to-be's bubble of happiness. And she doesn't want to be the one to do it. Neither does he. But he owes this to Brooke. _Brooke is who matters._

He's happy that he called his mom now, more than ever. Because it's not just Sam that needs her. But Brooke does. And he thinks that in the back of his mind, he was calling her for Brooke. Not Sam. Because he knew that there was so much more going on and he knows that she'll talk to his mom. After all, his mom might as well be hers. She's been there for her more than Victoria ever was. When his mind drifts to Victoria, he realizes just how much he despises her. She's going to get what's coming to her. Somehow. Someway. Someday. He's going to see to it.

He makes a call to Lindsey. He's canceling the book tour. After the first stop. He's only going to Omaha to talk to Mouth. He might as well sign some books while he's there. And then he's done. He needs to be here. _**Brooke needs him**_. She's not happy. Especially because he can't give her a real answer as to why. She probably thinks it has something to do with Peyton. But that's the furthest from the truth. Then he goes to Peyton. He tells her that he's only doing Omaha and then he's coming home. Because he can't be away right now. She smiles and tells him that it's nice to think of her but her and the girls have the wedding under control and Brooke has enough parental problems to completely be there for her through this whole Mick thing. He should do the tour. She'll be here when he gets home. He shakes his head. Of course she would think that it's about her. _Isn't everything?_ He tells her that that's not it. He tells her about Sam. About Karen coming home. And finally about Brooke. She looks so confused. She's in denial about it. She then states that **one**, he doesn't even know this girl so he shouldn't ruin his career to help her. **Two**, Karen will still be there when he gets back. And **three**, Haley and she can take care of Brooke if Brooke needs taking care of. He doesn't need to. But he does. And she needs to learn to accept that. He looks at her and says that he made a promise a long time ago. To Brooke. **To save her**. And he's going to do that. He's going to keep his promise. He's going to fix this for her. And he's going to fix this little girl who is so much like Brooke. He has saved her enough in her lifetime to deal with it. And without so much as a glance back, he walks out the door.

He finds himself at the river court. Tonight, his brother and Skills are there. So thinking is out of the question. They start a game of pickup. And the conversation flows_. Right to Brooke._ He looks at them; Haley must have told Nathan. They must have been talking about it when he showed up. They ask what he's going to do. What is he going to do? He hadn't even thought of that. Nathan puts the ball down and looks over at him. He is dead serious when the next words come out of his mouth. He says that he has asked him two times in the last six years to follow his heart. The first time he went to Brooke. The second to Lindsey. Where does Peyton fit into this? Don't talk about denial. That's a cop out and he knows it. **Who is in his heart?** Maybe if he'd stop being a scared jackass he could figure out how to help their friend. Because it seems to him as if the only person whose help she wants comes from the jackass brother in front of him. And with that he walks away. Skills just says 'word.' And walks away, too. Now he can think. But he doesn't like what his thoughts consist of.

_**Brooke.**_

How can he help her? Could she love him? Is that even possible? Maybe even be in love with him? Is that too much to hope for? Even if she does, is it too late? Does this mean that he's stuck with Peyton and Brooke will be miserable forever, too? Why can't he just get over his fear of it and tell her exactly where she stands in his heart? That she'll always be first. _Always._

Because he can't bear to do that to her. That's why.

When Karen comes home later in the week, they have a long talk about Brooke. She brings up the ring. Peyton still doesn't have one on her finger. He could use it. He refuses. He'll buy Peyton a ring. But it won't be Brooke's. That ring is Brooke's. She tells him that she's going to stay at Andy's house. She doesn't want to impose on him and Peyton. And then she says that they should go meet Brooke at the store. She has an idea. Of how to help. Andy will back it. Brooke can start her own line. And have a boutique run out of Tree Hill. His mom's a genius. Brooke's going to love it.

In the back of his mind, he sees his dream of Brooke. The complications in the dream. _Are all fading away._

**-b-**

Sam coming to live with her wasn't all that hard. She's already certified to foster. And Sam actually seems to like her. Most of the time. They have their arguments but it's nice. They lean on each other. One night, they're playing a getting to know you game. And Sam tells her that she has something to tell her. That might change this arrangement. She's pregnant. She just found out. She wasn't hiding it or anything. She's talking so fast that she has to stop her and tell her to start again. And when she does, it soaks in. She does something that she never thought she'd do. She pulls out her scrap book. It doesn't change anything. She makes sure that Samantha knows that she'll always have a home here. With her. They talk about her options and she's not sure. So she tells her about her experiences. And leaves Sam with the book. Maybe she can make a difference. Maybe someone will learn from her mistakes. And then she can feel as if she truly did help this poor lost girl.

Karen and Lucas have this crazy idea. They want her to start her own business in Tree Hill. They want her to have her own store. And Andy will back her. She thinks they're insane. But she gets that they're trying to help so she tells them that they'll think about it. The look in Lucas' eyes is enough to make her cry. He just seems so happy to help her. And she's sorry that she didn't tell him sooner. She never wants to feel that alone again. Then she sits down with Karen and they talk about Lils and the yacht. She offers her a vacation whenever she wants. As always. She tells her that she made the cutest dress for Lilly. It's green with a gold belt. Karen loves it. She says that Lilly will love it, too. And she should give it to her herself later. They're all having dinner together.

She is apprehensive about this dinner. Her relationship with Peyton has been strained because Lucas took over and said that they'd buy a gown somewhere. He insisted that she had too much on her plate and that this was something that she shouldn't have to worry about. And she didn't fight him on it. Because she didn't want to do it. She already made one wedding gown for a wedding to a man that she loves. She shouldn't have to do it again. She wishes Peyton would just understand. Sam must feel her apprehension. Because she tells her not to worry. She'll be there the whole time. And somehow, that does make her feel better.

Mouth and Milly came back from Omaha. She thinks that Lucas talked to them about it. And had some strings pulled because he got Mouth a job in a town nearby that he could commute to. And now Milly can help out in the new store that they want her to start. She can't say she's upset. Lucas knows her. And those are two people that she needs. And he brought them home for her.

Everyone at dinner thinks that the idea is a great one. Even Peyton. Who seems like she's trying. Lilly undresses right there and puts on her new dress. That's how much she likes it. She's really starting to like the idea. She could build from scratch. It would be hers. Only hers. And Karen would stick around longer to help out. She always wants Karen around. She tells them that she thinks that she will do it. And then she looks at Sam. Who has news of her own to share.

Sam says slowly and carefully that she's happy to have found people who care about her. But she needs them to know that she's pregnant. She's definitely carrying to term but she's not sure about what will happen after that. She smiles at her to have her continue on. She thanks them for helping her in all of the ways that they do. For trying to give her a sense of family. _She loves them_. All of them.

She's proud of their reactions. They hug her and tell her if there's anything that she needs. Lucas meets her eyes. She knows that he's thinking of the what ifs. And she thanks a higher being once more for small miracles. She needs him more than ever now. So she's happy that he has no idea that she killed two of his children. One because of selfishness. The other because of karma. So both because of _selfishness_. Sam doesn't see it that way. She says bad things happen to good people sometimes. But she's good people. And she didn't kill that second child. She loved it. And that's **all that matters**.

_**Somehow she doesn't think that Lucas would agree.**_

**-l-**

Brooke has agreed to the store. She also now has a pregnant fifteen year old living with her. He's doing everything in his power to be there for her. The wedding's coming up and Peyton is getting clingy. He feels like he can't please both of them. And he doesn't want to choose. Because he's not sure that anyone could handle it if he did. They suggested an opening at the shop. For all of her friends. _Their family_. And she agrees to it. Mostly because he's pretty sure that she just likes being surrounded by them all lately. But he doesn't care. He has another excuse to see her without Peyton feeling like he's slighting her somehow.

He had an offer to make his first book into a movie. It was a nice offer and Peyton knew the director. But he turned it down. Brooke's face when he even mentioned it told him what that book does to her. She doesn't need to see it on the big screen, too. It's not even the truth. It's not what he wrote. And he wishes she could know that. He wishes that she could hear what he's trying to say with his eyes. She used to be able to. When did she lose that power?

Jamie is extra curious now that Sam's pregnant. He wants to know how she got that way. Who is she in love with anyway? That's how you get babies. You love someone. He smiles at the little boy's naivety and tells him that sometimes accidents happen and you get a miracle from them. Brooke likes that answer. She smiles brightly at it. And then, it promptly drops. That's when he knows that she's thinking about junior year. About what could have been. He does it, too. _That's how he knows._

Nathan and Owen- yes Brooke's ex jackass- are playing a new game. Slamball. It's dangerous and he's worried about Nate. But everyone seems to think he's perfectly fine. All the same, he's watching Brooke extra close now. She doesn't need people like him in her life. And when it seems like he's going to make a move, he threatens him. He tells him that Brooke is far from selfish and he needs to back it up. Because they gave him a chance and now that's over. They don't want him in her life. And if he has to, he'll get the rest of the gang to back him up on this. He's pretty sure that he got to him because a few weeks later Owen leaves. He says he has business out of town. It's _**for the best**_. He did that for Brooke, _right_? It wasn't the jealousy that coursed through his veins every time that that guy looked at her, _right_?

Sam is being awesome. She's a smart girl and even though he saw a lot of Brooke in her at first, he sees himself now, too. She loves to read and write. She's definitely a music fan. And she broods. Which Brooke **hates**. And he **loves**. They talk a lot about everything. He's been searching for a grandmother that she remembers and she's considering adoption. She wonders out loud one day if Brooke would adopt her baby. If she asked. He thinks that's an amazing idea. And tells her that when she's ready, _if she's ever ready_, he'll help her ask her.

Brooke's little get together is tonight. And he can't wait. But Peyton is dragging her feet and he just doesn't get it. This is her _**best friend**_. And he helped her out plenty when he was with Brooke. When he was with Lindsey. _Why can't she be that generous_? He wonders what he loved about her? He gets that Lindsey and Brooke share a lot in common. And that's probably where his love from Lindsey comes from. But where does his love for Peyton come from? He knows. He always has. His love for her comes from Brooke's love for her. It's that simple. And that _complicated._

And he wishes that he could simply love Brooke. **Why can't life be that easy?**

**-b-**

She's been really distracted by everything lately. She and Sam start to get along and then they have a fight that throws everything off. She's trying to be happy for Peyton but she doesn't know how to. She's lost anything that matters to her and Peyton has everything that she ever wanted. When it seemed like the situation was reversed when they first came back, she was there for her best friend. Where's Peyton? Sure, she was there to help her get through the attack at first. Now, she's all focused on Lucas. And the fact that he's not all about her for once. And she's bitter. At least she has Haley and Sam. Lucas and Karen. But they aren't Peyton. Where's her best friend? _Her sister?_

To top all of that off, Lucas is really trying to help her keep her dreams by helping her with the idea of her own store. Separate from Clothes over Bros. It's a weird concept to her, still. **A new dream**. And Karen is being the mother that she needed and never had. Thank God for her. When they suggest an opening party for the store, before its even ready, to help her get through it all, she doesn't see a problem with it. She sees it as a way to see everyone, all together. She misses them.

When she gets there early and sees the scrap book on the table, she realizes that she and Sam must have forgotten it the other night and hides it under the counter. At exactly seven, Haley, Nathan and Jamie arrive. Followed by Karen, Andy, Lilly, Lucas, and Peyton. Skills, Deb, Mouth and Milly aren't far behind. She and Sam had been here setting up. It's like a reunion. They're all walking around and talking to Brooke about how it should be decorated. Talking amongst themselves. It's been too long since they were all in the same room together. She and Haley are deep in conversation when she hears Jamie call out to her. When she hears the words and sees who is standing next to him, she's helpless to stop it. It's going to happen. And _she's about to pay for __**every mistake**__ that she has ever made._

**-l-**

Jamie is next to him with a book of what he's pretty sure are Brooke's designs in his hands asking her what it is. He turns toward him as he hears him saying something about them kissing. Did he just ask why she and him are kissing? He takes the book because he's curious. She has pictures of them from high school? Why would they be here? He has pictures, too. But they're either covered with other pictures or in his closet, in a box that's full of Brooke. She would have been looking at them recently if they're here. He opens it- maybe it's just a book of high school. Of all of them. _But it isn't_. And he wants to scream at the page that he's on. That's an ultra sound. He'd know it anywhere. His mom got a few when she was pregnant with Lils. On the other side of the book is a letter. _Addressed to him_. Dated about two weeks after their graduation. And the first words are:

_**Today our baby would be a week old. At least, if it arrived on time.**_

He can feel the tears welling as Brooke tries to take it from him. She knows it's too late. He can tell. He can't control himself. He pulls it back and says that if it's addressed to him so he should be able to read it. And she's pleading with him to just forget about it. It was a long time ago and he was never supposed to see it. He wants to read it. He deserves that much. Is that the only lie she ever told? Or are there more?

He, for some God forsaken reason, wants her permission to continue, so he looks at her. Into her eyes. And she says that she's sorry. And he does deserve that much. But he should know that she's sorry first. Because she is. He ignores it. And goes back to reading. He's not oblivious to the fact that Haley has Deb take Jamie out of the room. Or that Andy left with Lilly. _Like a bomb is about to explode so they're all trying to take cover._ He pushes himself through the first letter. His head is spinning but he flips the page. The second one is worse. And he's starting to blame himself. For **everything**. He needs to do this alone. But, first, he's going to let her know how he feels. Two pregnancies. And she lied about both of them! Did she ever think that it was meant to be? _She's been messing with fate._ He hates her right now. _**Hates her**_. There's no other word and he's not even sure that hate is strong enough. **Despise**. Yes, he despises her. He doesn't even want to look at her.

When his eyes find hers, she's scared. _Frightened_. She thinks that _**she's lost him**_. And she's right. Before he can even say anything, Haley tells him that he should think about what he says next really carefully. He'll never be able to take it back. Sam is rubbing Brooke's back. Trying to comfort her. And he realizes. They knew. He looks around the room. Then he asks Haley if she knew. She nods. She's known since the night they broke up, she tells him. He looks to Peyton, who he is already pissed at. She is _the reason_. The reason that Brooke thought he couldn't love her. Did she know? She just looks lost. And Brooke says that no one else knew. She and Haley bonded over the pregnancies. And then Haley was there when she miscarried. He could hear his mom gasp at that. There's a part of him that wants to hug Brooke and never let go. Just because of the way she says miscarriage. Her voice cracking in the middle. But there's a bigger part of him that remembers the word abortion. The fact that she lied over and over. She never let him in. _They never had a chance_. And he just goes off. Yelling all of these things at her. She gave up on them. And for five years, he's been **blaming himself**. She has effectively hurt him, Peyton, and Lindsey in the process because he's **never** been able to love anyone the way that _**he loved her**_. He didn't think he deserved it. That kind of love. He wanted her and she didn't want him. And it was his entire fault. That's what she led him to believe. She's retching, that's how hard she's crying, and he doesn't care. This is about him right now. _It has to be_. It's been about her for too long. He tells her that. Her insecurities. Her lies. He stood by her. He gave her friendship. He thought he wasn't worthy of anything else. **She lied**! About _everything_. More than five years of lies. **How could she**!? She was lying all through senior year. He should have known about that first pregnancy long ago. She should have told him. Every time she said she loved him, it was a lie. **A betrayal**. He can never trust her again. He never wants to look at her again. And Haley tells him that it's enough already. So he turns to her and he says that she's supposed to be his best friend. Not Brooke's. He gets it. This is why they're Jamie's godparents. Because they should've been parents and Haley was trying to right something in the universe. She couldn't. _No amount of trying could right this._ As far as he's concerned, this friendship is over. He never wants to see her again either. **He hates both of them. **

And then he says that he's taking the book. _It's his._ She doesn't even deserve to think of them that way. In love. Because _she wasn't in love_. She was hiding behind her lies. And it disgusts him. He's been in love with someone who never loved him for far too long. **That's over now**. As he walks out the door, he can hear her. She's choking out that she does love him. She's _pleading_. And he can see her collapse. There's a part of him that wants to catch her. But he won't. Let someone else do it.

_**He's done**_.

* * *

I hope you guys enjoyed. The next part will be up soon. Please remember to review or let me know what you thought of it elsewhere!

--Corey


	10. Say It Will Be Alright 6pt3

Hey everyone. So I said Saturday and here it is almost Monday and I still haven't posted. So I suck.. although the death threats via PM are a nice reminder haha. This is my last chapter. I had two variations of it and you guys got one and the other one I'm keeping to myself. There's an epilogue. It'll be posted sometime soon with a list of personal thank you's to all of the wonderful reviewers. Thanks for being so patient. Now onto the last chapter…

* * *

**-b-**

He yells. And yells. And doesn't stop. She expects that. She has always expected that he would do this if he knew. It's why she kept it from him at all costs. She just never quite prepared herself for the look in his eyes. He has never, in six years, looked at her that way. With disgust. Pure hatred. **Ice**. He can't even stand to look at her. And he says as much. She can feel herself shaking and she knows that she's crying. She's trying to get him to hear out how sorry she really is. But he wants no part of it. He wants no part of her. She's aware of the fact that Haley stops him at some point. Aware that he's walking away. Aware that he doesn't care that she's there. _Crying her heart out_. Telling him how much she loves him. She picks now to let that out. To let him know that there's _**never**_ been anyone else. She figures why not. He's reading the letters anyway. He might as well hear the words from her mouth. As the door slams shut, rattling the sign above it- the sign that Lucas just re-hung this morning- she feels so weak that she just collapses. A hot mess. Sobbing hysterically. Continually saying I love you. To the door. Because he's not there anymore. _He's gone_. And she doesn't know if she'll ever see him again.

She has forgotten that anyone but Haley and Sam, who have been endlessly comforting her, are even in the store. But then Karen breaks through the silence and sobs with a question_. What the hell just happened here?_ Peyton starts to try to explain what that book was. To Brooke. To Lucas. And months of pent up anger at her best friend boils to a breaking point. And she snaps. She turns on her. Now she has a voice. Where was she when her fiancé was going crazy? Where was she when he was spewing hatred at everyone but her, because of a lie? Peyton goes right back at her. Saying that she's the one that spoke for her. She's the one who told him that no one else knew, including her. And she shoots back that she isn't the one that is supposed to be showing loyalty to Lucas. She's not the one marrying him. But why should she even bother to be upset about this. It's par for the course. When it came to Peyton, Lucas was always more important than their friendship. And Peyton passively growls out that it's always been that way. And she's not the only one who put him first always. She laughs out of frustration. She really thought that! She screams. And then, as calmly as she can, tells Peyton that if that were true, if that were the case, she and Lucas would be married with a couple of kids and happy right now. **Happy**. Does she know what that is? Or does she just choose to pull down everyone with her?

They'll keep going like this all night and Karen must know that because she hollers at them both to just stop. Nathan, finally letting everything sink in, bewildered, asks if she miscarried? If that was Lucas' reaction to a miscarriage. He says he wants to go kick his ass. Peyton interjects at that moment. Telling Nathan that that was probably his reaction to the abortion. Not the miscarriage. And at that word- she can feel Nate and Karen eyeing her. For confirmation. She can't even look at them. Then he speaks. He's with his brother. He doesn't ever want to look at her again. She took his kid from him. That's the lowest of low. He turns to his own wife and starts in on her. He can't believe that she could keep this from him. Or Lucas. How could she? And with that, he turns and walks out the door. Karen sadly shakes her head in the girls' direction and then follows him. And Peyton scurries out after them.

Her sobs don't stop. She just lost them. All of them. Her family. She finally felt as if she had a grip and, now, they hate her. Sure, Hales is here now but if she's forced to choose- who's it going to be? Her husband and brother-in-law/best friend? Or a girl that she knew once a long time ago? And what about Sam? She's close to Lucas, too. She looks up at Mouth, Skills, and Milly wondering what they're still doing here. Mouth knew but she didn't expect him to speak up. He doesn't need to lose Luke, too. Skills smiles and gives her a big bear hug. He assures her that it'll get better. He tells her that he doesn't understand it but he's sure that she has a reason. Who's he to judge? Mouth is next. He tells her that he's going to talk to him. She shakes her head at him. Don't do that to your friendship. She'll be fine. He says that he'll do what he has to. For one of his best friends. And then he thinks for a minute and corrects himself. For two of his best friends. He loves them both. And this charade has gone on long enough. Milly steps in and tells the boys to go home. They have it from here.

Sam, Haley, and Millicent take her home and tuck her into her bed. She hasn't spoken since she said good-bye to Mouth and Skills. She's in a trance. And the tears haven't stopped yet. Although they've slowed. And the three best friends that she has ever had lay in the bed with her and comfort her. Sooth her. Until she stops shaking and settles into the most restless sleep that anyone has seen.

**-l-**

He goes straight home. To his bedroom. And barricades himself on the inside. He doesn't want to be bothered. He just wants to get through this whole book. Through all of these letters. Through the pictures. Maybe he can be on the inside of Brooke's mind if he does. Maybe he can understand. He hates this. He can't even stay mad at her. He wants to know what could make her do this. Keep this from him. He loves her. He loved her. Why would she do this to him? Why won't she ever just let him? Why is he thinking about her this way? _Why can't he just hate her?_

He tries to shut off the questions and read through the scrapbook. There are five letters in all. One from after graduation. He already read that one. It details why Brooke broke up with him. And he hates Peyton a little more after reading it again. _**How dare she!**_ It explains the two ultrasound pictures. In it, she blames herself. Her karma. But he can see clearly that the night she miscarried, he had upset her. So who's to say that it wasn't his fault?

The second one is after she moved to New York. He's reading that it was just too hard to watch Peyton be without him. Because she wouldn't be able to be that far away from him and happy. If they were together. No scratch that. She's not that happy to be so far away from him and they aren't together. She misses him. And he aches for her just a little bit more. He remembers his first nights with Nathan and Haley at college. Thinking that he should be with Brooke. They could be in an apartment down the hall. They could have a family. too. And they could be happy. All of those months that he missed her while he was supposed to be missing Peyton. She was missing him too? How is this possible? She has lyrics to a song that he's not sure he knows on the page opposite. He looks it up and finds that it's called 'Home'. Which is appropriate. Since when she wrote it she wanted to be home. And so did he. So they could be together. Too bad they didn't know that the other one felt that way. The picture that she has over the lyrics is one of them, Naley and Jamie. Peyton took it. It was the day that they left for Los Angeles and Haley had asked his girlfriend to take a picture of Jamie and his godparents. And his real parents. Hales must have sent it to Brooke.

The third makes him feel disgraceful. He shouldn't have ever put her in that situation. It's his fault that she went into business with Victoria in the first place. He just _needed_ to kiss her. There she was, taking care of him, loving him. And he just wanted to feel her. He needed to. And he didn't even stop to consider her feelings in the matter. Because he didn't know that her feelings on that matter ran so deep. But he wishes that he could have just told her, then, that that night had nothing to do with Peyton. And everything to do with wanting what could have been. With her. Wanting the life they planned in that carriage. With her. _**Only with her.**_ On the opposite page of that letter is a brochure for real estate in the South of France. Some sketches of baby clothes. A slip from one of his book signings. A Betty Crocker recipe for chocolate chip cookies. And a magazine clip out. It's from B. Davis. The article's title is Love is the Key. There's a sketch of an engagement ring. A wedding gown. A tux. Bridesmaid dresses. The whole nine yards. It's all done in green and gold. And the dress that she gave Lils a couple of weeks ago looks exactly like the flower girl dress that she had planned. Except it was emerald green instead of white. The words 'finding someone you love who loves you back' are written in scroll at the top of the page. It all brings him back to it. _If only_ he had a redo.

The fourth was written the night that she planned to move home. For Peyton. That's what she told everyone. But the truth was that she was coming home for all of them. She needed her family. She needed a family. And he hurts for her. Because she still missed him then. And he had taught himself to not miss her by that point. He had Lindsey. She had to watch that fall apart because of Peyton. And she knew it would happen. He hates that she called it. He hates that she lost out on all of that time with Haley and Jamie because of him. Because she didn't think she could handle being around him. He hates that this wasn't the place that everything was better and everything was safe for her. _Why didn't he make sure?_ The opposite page has the words from the sign written in beautiful bubbly handwriting that is definitely Brooke's. A hand drawn picture of a Tree Hill boutique. And a picture of all of them. Taken during Senior year. Out at Rachel's cabin. He loves that picture. He was so caught up in her. He wasn't even looking at the camera. Under it the word **'Family'** was written boldly. He wants to give her that family. Will she forgive his outburst?

The fifth was written this year. It's the hardest for him to read. It contains pent up emotions that he never had to deal with before. _Everything_. This is the other four letters all in one. She hates herself. She hates him. She hates Peyton. She hates Lindsey. All for different reasons. Why can't she get a baby? Why can't she find a way to get out of this cycle? This cycle of **loving him**. Of hating the girls that he _**chooses**_ to love back. _**Why couldn't he just love her back?**_ He's crying now. He held it in for a long time. But this does it. He doesn't even look at the other page. But if he did he'd see a swatch of Lindsey's wedding gown. The invite to the wedding. The business card of the lady who told her that she wouldn't be a good match to adopt. And a hand drawn sun. Over it. a picture of her, Lucas, and Angie. She must have added that later. A quote that says that family is everything is underneath it. He's so mad.

Mad at himself. Mad at Peyton. At Brooke. They have been putting each other through this hell for too long. He thought he fixed this and him _choosing_ Peyton probably just made it worse. He sees that now. You _**can't choose who you love.**_ It's not possible. And, at that thought, he throws the scrap book across the room. It hits the wall that the river court mural used to be on. And the second sonogram falls out. The one of the baby who could have lived. He looks down to that picture. Of the baby that he prayed for during the last half of senior year. The baby that could've given him Brooke back. And starts uncontrollably crying. He's picturing a little girl. With Brooke's hair and dimples. And eyes. He's picturing a little Brooke. He wants that little girl. He wants that family. _Too little, too late._ **The story of his life**.

He opens up his door. He is going to get something to drink and then he's going to run. That will make this better. But he stops short of the kitchen. His mom and Peyton are in there, whispering. He listens. And figures out that Peyton knew. She's known for a long time. She found out when they were together. She found the scrap book when they were packing up Brooke's things for her move to New York from LA. And all of a sudden, he's mad again. She lied. She stood there and let Brooke protect her. She let him believe that she didn't know. And she knew. She never told him. She's just as bad. No. She's worse. Because _she's the reason for it all. And she knows it._

He steps out of his hiding place and Peyton's face goes white. Karen turns and tries to stop him. But it's too late. He's flying off the handle. Screaming at her. She ruined everything. He hands her the ultrasound picture. And makes it clear. That Brooke may have killed one baby. But so did she. She killed that one. The one that he wanted more than anything else. **She killed it.** The second that she confessed, to Brooke, _**to his girlfriend that he was in love with**_, feelings that should have stayed buried. The second that she played on all of her best friend's insecurities. And didn't even tell him what he had to do to make it better. What he had to do to get the girl that he loved more than anything back. She's been lying for a long time. He's not even sure that he ever loved her now. How could he love a person that he doesn't know? And then he composes himself so that she gets that what he's saying to her isn't out of anger. Because the next words **need** to hit home. She **needs** to understand them. He tells her that this is _unforgivable_. And he doesn't want to be with her. He'd be okay with never having to talk to her again. That'd be okay. He's leaving now. And when he comes back. He wants her out of his house. And then he turns his back on her. And goes for that run.

**-b-**

She wakes up to a saturated pillow. She must have been crying while she was sleeping, too. Karen's sitting at her bedside. She starts talking immediately. She didn't want the abortion. She asks her to remember when they first met. She told her that she was crazy about her son. That was the truth. She only wanted what was best for him. She didn't want to ruin his life. Tie him down to a girl that he didn't love. He was going to stay with her out of obligation. That's not something that she wanted. Not for him. Or their child. She did what she thought was best. Karen nods. She understands. She understood the moment she figured out when it was. She's sorry that she couldn't have been there for her. But she has to understand where Lucas is coming from. She didn't give him a say. She didn't even tell him. That's not fair to him. And now everyone is broken. She agrees. She says it's all her fault. Karen shakes her head. All three of them played a part. Her son is an idiot. Now he's blaming Peyton and only Peyton. But all three of them played a role. She's upset. She doesn't want him blaming Peyton. Karen tells her not to worry about it. But they're over. For good. She's sure of it. She doesn't even know how she feels about that. Maybe relieved. Definitely at fault.

Sam comes in when Karen leaves. She is so sorry for leaving the book there. When they fought a couple of weeks ago, she took it. She wanted to figure it out. And she did. She wants to give up her baby for adoption. And she wants this amazing person in front of her to have her. She can't accept. Everything she touches is broken. She just can't do it. She's sorry. Sam tells her to think about it. She doesn't need to decide right now. Haley comes in then to tell her that she has to go home. She has to make sure that Jamie's okay. He was taken out of there in such a rush. And she needs to answer all of his questions about the pictures. She nods. She understands. She needs to go take care of her family. Haley looks at her one last time. She tells her not to worry. Nate will get over it. Luke will get over it.

She's not sure that she's right. She's not sure anyone is going to get over this. Her little cocoon family is in pieces all around her. And _she can only blame herself._

**-l-**

The run lands him at Keith's grave. Usually, he goes to the river court. But he needs Keith now. He needs him to tell him what to do. _How to fix this_. He wants to be mad at Brooke. But he can't. He feels too horrible to hate her. This is on him. Not Brooke. Not Peyton. Him. But how does he fix it? He sits there for hours. Crying to him. Asking him if he knew about the baby. Why couldn't he keep the baby safe? Why couldn't they have their family? He hears Keith. The same words that he said to him in the dream that he had of him during senior year.

_**It's an easy thing saying I love you to people that matter. You never know when you might lose them or when they might lose you. **_

He should probably just tell Brooke that he loves her. And go from there.

His mom is there when he gets back. Peyton isn't. She starts in on him immediately. It isn't fair to blame Peyton. Or Brooke. He sighs and tells her that he gets that it's his fault. He gets his part in this. He knows that if he had just appreciated what he had when he had it none of this would be happening. His mom hugs him and tells him that it's not all on him. There's such a lack of communication in all of the relationships between the three of them. Brooke and Peyton. Him and Peyton. Him and Brooke. She asks him to just stop thinking for a second and just feel. And tell her who he loves. He doesn't even skip a beat. He doesn't say a name either. Just that it's always been her. **Always**. And she smiles. And tells him that that was her point all along. He looks down ashamed and says that he told her that he never wanted to see her again. His mom looks confident. So he knows that she's talked to her about it. She tells him that when he's ready, she just knows that Brooke will understand.

Nathan comes over later. Apologizing for Haley. He's not mad at Haley. She was protecting a friend. And he'd have done the same. He's probably told her some lies for his brother over the years. Nate asks him what's going to happen. What's he going to do? He sighs, defeated, and says he's not sure. He doesn't know. His brother looks at him and laments that a couple of weeks ago he said something about following his heart. He asked where his heart leads him. Because he's asked him it before. And it never leads to Peyton. He's pretty sure that it only goes in one direction. And that direction leads to a brunette girl who's too lovable to stay mad at. He nods. He tells him that it's over with Peyton. He doesn't know if he'll ever be able to look at her again. And his heart has never been conflicted about who it was that he loved. **Just lied to.**

The next day, he's in his office and Samantha walks in. She sits down. She's pissed and he deserves it. He says that he's sorry. And she tells him that she understands. But she understands Brooke, too. She knows what it's like to be scared and alone. She tells him what Brooke told her. About the reason that she won't adopt the baby. She thinks that she hurts everyone who she loves and that she won't risk that on a child. He knows that that couldn't be further from the truth. Doesn't he? He smiles at her. He does. She is going to be the best mom that there ever was. He tells her that he'll talk to her. He'll make her understand. He has to. _He'll make it up to her._

**-b-**

She's been at the shop all day. She's not opening a store anymore. She's decided. Too much has happened. Lucas walks in. He tells her that she's still doing the store. No matter what she says or how she feels. She's made choices for him and it's his turn to make a choice for her. He won't let her give up that dream. She turns and looks at him. She thinks she must be hallucinating. _Why is he talking to her still?_ He smiles and asks why she has talked to him for the last five years. It's impossible to be mad at someone that you love for too long. That's why. He should have walked away. Gathered his thoughts. Not gone off on her. He's sorry. He didn't mean most of it. She looks at him. Bewildered. She doesn't blame him. He was upset. He had every right. She wouldn't blame him if he never talked to her again. He wants to be friends. Can they be friends? Are they friends? She asks. His answer makes her happier than she's been in a while. **Always**.

Milly comes in and they take an inventory of the clothes that were sent to them and get the store ready. They work in silence for a lot of the time. She needs to think and she's happy that Millicent is the amazing friend that she is. She's letting her think. She says that she never thought she'd be doing this. Opening a store that wasn't Clothes Over Bro's. Milly tells her that dreams change. COB was something that she did in high school. It came from a rough period. This can be a new start. She likes that. **A new start. **For all of them.

Sam is in the kitchen plating dinner for them when she gets home. She tells her that the baby was really active today. It was amazing. Does she want to feel? She does. All through dinner, she's hoping that the baby kicks again. So she can feel her move. And when she does, she cries. She feels like such a baby. Crying over it. But it's the most awesome miracle. To carry life inside of you. She tells her that she should enjoy it. And that she and Lucas talked today. She's considering it. The adoption. Maybe it's just what everyone needs. _A new life. For a new start._

**-l-**

They're all at the river court. Playing a game of pick up. Mouth's in the background. And they all want to know what is going on with Peyton. He says that she called and asked him to put her things in a storage bin. She said she needed to get away. She needs to figure out where everything went wrong. He tells them that he thought that they were friends. But he doesn't know if he could ever trust her again. He doesn't know if he wants to. Because if he's choosing a friendship. He's choosing Brooke's. They ask if he's ever going to be with Brooke. And he says that he hopes to one day have that chance. But for now, he's her friend. And he's learning to just communicate with her. They haven't ever really done that before. This is new start. And he likes the idea. And then Mouth says that maybe Peyton deserves one, too. He looks at the river. Maybe she does. _But can he give her it?_

His mom and Haley are at the house when he gets back. Jamie is wondering where he was. Even though he knows that his nephew knows from his clothes that he was playing basketball. They were discussing Brooke and Sam and the baby. Jamie wants a cousin. Or a little brother or sister. He's not picky. He just misses Angie. He loves his nephew for being so wonderful and kind. He tells them all that he's working on it. Brooke's going to adopt the baby. He's going to make her see that it's the right thing.

He gets a call later that night. He has found Sam's paternal grandmother. And she wants to meet her. She wants her. She's been looking for her for a long time. But her mother moved and wouldn't let her have her. He tells her that he'll talk to her and see what he can do. He tells her that her granddaughter is an amazing person. And he's sure that she is going to love her.

**-b-**

She wants to adopt the little girl inside of Samantha more than she's ever wanted anything. Almost more than she's ever wanted anything. Lucas and Sam have been pushing it on her, hard. Sam's grandmother thinks that adoption is the best course of action also. She thinks that Sam may regret it. She knows that she'll miss her when she goes four states away to live with her grandmother. But she also knows it's what's best for her. To have a family member care. That means _everything_. She, of all people, gets that. But Sam is going to miss her daughter if she's here and Sam's not. She assures her that no, she won't. This is what she wants. It's what's best. And she can come visit. So she starts looking into the process. Open adoption. She won't have it any other way. She'll wait until the baby is born. And then she'll tell them. That she'd be more than happy to be this little girl's mom. She'll protect her at all cost. And she'll put her above all else.

Speaking of putting people first, Peyton calls her. She tells her that she's somewhere and she's getting it together. She's sorry for everything. She misses her. She misses her best friend, too. And she says it back. _She loves her._ They need to fix this eventually. They will. She'll be back. She just needs time. She tells her brooding blonde best friend to take all the time she needs. But she'll need to hurry back eventually. She has a niece to get back to. That makes Peyton happy. She's happy for her. She can hear it. That's the girl she loves. She's happy that she's coming back to her senses. She gives her her phone number and asks her to call when the baby arrives. She looks up the area code later. P. Sawyer is in Savannah. And _**that makes her happy.**_

**-l-**

Brooke, Sam and he are eating together one night. They are trying to talk to Brooke about adoption. But she won't have it. She tells them that she's thought about it for a long time. And she'll let them know when the baby comes. She thinks that she needs to see Sam with her first. To see if it's possible to hand over a baby. He's worried about her. He's worried that Sam may not be able to hand over the baby. Sam, as if she's reading his mind, tells them that she's not going to have a problem with it. She knows that she just can't handle this right now. She's too young for it.

Later, when Sam goes to do English homework, he sits at the bar while Brooke cleans. She asks him if he'll be there. Like he was with Angie. That makes him smile. Of course he will. **There's no where else he'd rather be.** She seems like she has a hard time with the next question. She asks about Peyton. Does he have leftover feelings? He doesn't even have to think about it. He's not even sure that he misses her friendship anymore. He and Brooke have built up such an amazing friendship. Everything else pales in comparison. He tells her this. He doesn't think things without saying them anymore. Everything has to be out in the open. **No more secrets.** He's pretty sure that she's learning to be that open with him, too. She tells him that Peyton's in Savannah. That's where Jake is. _Is he still okay?_ His smile goes all the way to his eyes. And then he says that he's going to be perfectly honest with her. He and Peyton could never love each other fully. They were always too in love with their so-called distractions. And he hopes that she can win Jake back. Because _he wants her to be happy_. And he, silently knows that if she can there's hope for him and Brooke. He knows that he answered right when Brooke walks over and just hugs him. She thanks him for it. _**She needed to hear that to make her decision.**_

**-b-**

She wakes up in the middle of the night to Sam screaming. She's in labor. They rush to the hospital and she calls everyone. Peyton first. It'll take her longest to get here. Haley, Nathan, and Jamie get there before the rest of the pack. She's worried. Haley tells her that she's going to do awesome. Nathan tells her that any kid that gets to be around her is a lucky one. They're sure that she's taking the baby. They know her. They're family. And they're right. She asks Jamie what he's thinking. And he asks if it'll be a cousin. She asks him who she is. _Aunt Brooke_. Then, of course. Any child of hers is a cousin of his. He giggles at that. He's going to teach her how to read and draw. And play basketball. Lucas comes in on that. He's laughing. His nephew is a little ahead of himself. But it's cute. And they all admire Jamie's uncanny ability to love above all else. Mouth and Milly call her and wish her luck. They're on their honeymoon. They eloped the week before. They're the last people she expected to elope. But they just wanted to be married. They didn't care how. And that is amazing to her. She's astonished by their ability to love each other. With all the drama around them. She hopes that she can one day get there.

Sam gives birth to a healthy baby girl. She's there for the whole thing. And Sam places her into her arms immediately. And _tells her to meet her mama_. Lucas comes in then. As her tears of joy are raining down, she smiles at him. She's about to make up to him five years without the baby that they both wanted so badly in high school. She tells the newborn that _this is her daddy_. Sam and Lucas both gasp at that. But she can tell by the look on his face that he's going to take it in anyway that he can. She explains that she and Lucas are going to adopt the baby. But it'll be open. Sam can visit whenever she'd like. She's more than welcome. Any contact that she wants, they'll allow. Her grandmother, who was standing quietly on the other side of Sam, walks over and pulls her into a warm embrace. She thanks her for thinking of her granddaughter. And for protecting her. _There's nothing she would want more._

**-l-**

He watches Brooke and Karen interact. He wishes that he could have seen this years ago. Maybe if he had, he could have spared them all a lot of heartache. Nathan comes over and sees what he's watching. He tells him that he should just go for it. Before it's too late. She won't be single forever. He nods. He knows that. That's why he has the ring. Just in case he has the guts. He takes it everywhere with him. And eventually, _**it will feel right**_. And he'll just do it.

Sam just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. And Brooke gave him the most wonderful gift that she ever could have. _She gave him a daughter._ They're going to share her. It'll be unconventional until he can convince her to be with him. But it'll be worth it. And that's all that matters. When they leave the hospital room, he pulls her into the private waiting area. No one is in there. And he does something that he never thought he'd do. But he grabbed it for a reason. He pulls his mothers ring out. And hands it to her. She looks at him and tells him that she wasn't asking to marry him. Just raise a child. He looks at her. This is so important. He can't screw this up. **It has to be right**. He tells her to look at it. She looks down and lets out a surprised gasp. She knows what it is. This was the ring that Keith gave his mother. Everyone thought that it was over. That Keith and his mom couldn't be together. But Keith knew different. He kept this ring for _her_. And she put it on her finger one day. They may have never made it to the alter but that doesn't matter. Because _**they loved each other**_ and they have a beautiful baby girl together. And that's what he's asking. **He's asking her for the **_**chance**_** to love her.** **To be **_**in love**_** with her. And for her to love him in **_**return**_**. **And to love the child that they'll raise together. _To be a family._ She doesn't say anything. But she slips the ring on the right finger. _Her left ring finger_. And then she says that it's just a promise to love him. Not to marry him. And he yells out in happiness and gives her the biggest hug. He doesn't ever want to let go. They're going to be a family. And when they pull apart and their lips meet. He's never been happier. **Never**.

He tells her that they should go tell their family about all of the choices that they just made involving this baby. And they do. They tell all of them. Including Peyton. Who's in the waiting room. And all of them, including Peyton, seem genuinely happy for them. And then Brooke brings out the baby. And introduces them all to Kaylee Samantha Davis-Scott. Kay for Karen. Lee for Hales. And Samantha for the wonderful girl who gave her this gift. And also for Brooke's best friend. Who was adopted. And her parents did the same thing. All that he could see was perfection. No one asked about the ring on Brooke's finger. They don't have to. They've all known for a long time.

_**They're finally happy. And that's all that matters.**_

**_

* * *

_**

So it's been a long journey. And we've reached destination. The epilogue will be up soon. As will thank you's. Please remember to review and/or tell me what you thought!

-Corey


	11. And I Shall Believe epilogue

So I know I was supposed to post this forever ago, but I was too lazy to actually type my thank yous. And I just bit the bullet and did it tonight sooo here it is. Hope ya'll like it.

* * *

**-b-**

Kaylee was a good baby. She was a good toddler. And she's crying watching her walking towards Tree Hill elementary school. On her first day of kindergarten. Her baby is all grown up. She can't believe it. She watches Lucas and their daughter laugh at something for a minute before joining them. She's got the longest hair. It's thick and curly and everyone that doesn't know thinks she gets it from her mom. And she does. Just not the mom that they think. Her ocean blue eyes aren't quite the shade of Lucas'. But close enough. To everyone, even the outside world, Kay is theirs. In every sense of the word. Sam is in college now but she writes them. She is doing so well. And she couldn't be more proud of her. Kay will always know the truth. A wonderful person gave her mama and daddy a gift. And they wanted her more than anything in this world. They're happy. _All of them.  
_  
They're having a big party soon for her birthday. And the whole family will be there. They were there when she was born. And they've been there almost every day since. She's proud that she can give her child this. A family. She never knew what that was like. And now she does. Jamie's ten and really does teach her everything. She loves playing basketball with him. And he doesn't play his best with her. Because he wants her to love it. Haley has a baby girl, too. They named her Bailey. She's beautiful. And she's definitely going to be a little dancer. Like the name suggests. She's three and adores her older cousin. She has her daddy wrapped around her finger and her uncle, too. It's the big brown eyes that she gets from her mama, no doubt. Plus her aunt has taught her a trick or two.

Peyton will be here for it, too. Even though she doesn't live in Tree Hill. She's in Savannah with Jake. And she's hoping that she'll get a chance to make her best friend a wedding dress soon. Jenny's so big. It's so nice to see her. She knows that Peyton wants to move home and Jake's working on it. Hopefully, they can soon. Because she knows that P. Sawyer wants to start a family. And she knows that she won't do it until they're home. Which is the right decision. **Home is where the heart is.  
**  
Karen and Andy live at home now, too. Lilly is so much like her mother that it's scary. But she can see Keith in her also. She and Lucas go every Sunday, like clockwork, to their father's grave.

Tonight, Karen is taking Kay. They're going to have a girls' night in. But the truth is that she has some important news to deliver to her husband. And she wants to be alone when she does it.

She's thinking if it's a boy, his name will definitely have Keith in it. She hopes that softens the blow.

She puts on his favorite red dress. And a special play list. And cooks his favorite. And she can tell that he's surprised by the look on his face. She hopes he's happy.

_**Because all of her dreams have come true. And it's mostly due to him.**_

**-l-**

His daughter is growing up way too fast. Yesterday, she asked him for a brother or sister. Jamie has one. Why can't she? She's smart, too. She's one of the most beautiful creatures to ever grace this planet. Of that, he's sure. But now he's got to talk to Brooke about a baby. Because she sort of made him promise. And he can't say no to her. She gets that from her mother.

He goes over to the river court to play a game of pick up after work with his brother and nephew. Nate tells him that Haley says that he and Brooke are having a nice night in tonight. They both know what that's code for. That's code for _'the child won't be there.'_ And he might get lucky. Which is exciting. Although, it's always been exciting to know that he was going to get lucky with Brooke. Jamie tells him that Kaylee and Bailey were learning to cheer the other day. And Aunt Brooke said that she was going to teach them to be just like her. Yeah. Not going to happen. Not his daughter. And he's pretty sure that his brother has the same thoughts running through his head by the look on his face.

When he leaves them, he goes to visit Keith. He takes Lilly every week but sometimes he likes to just sit with him alone. He tells him about Brooke. About Kay. He asks him if he thinks that they're reading for another baby. He is. Is Brooke? He misses Keith. Maybe they'll have a son and he could carry his name. That'd be nice.

He walks in. Nice and sweaty. He knows the way his pretty girl likes him. And he likes to irritate her. She's adorable that way. He looks around and wonders what she did wrong. The table is set and candles are everywhere.

_Where is this going?_

He calls to her and a song comes on. One that he knows instantly. This was the song that they danced to last year. At their wedding.

_I couldn't comprehend  
As I watched it unfold  
This classic story told I left it in the cold  
Walking through unopen doors that led me back to you  
Each one unlocking more of the truth_

He calls out to her again. She smiles and walks in with his favorite. Pretends like she doesn't notice the sweat and kisses him. And says _'welcome home, baby.'_ He knows something is going on here. And he's not sure if he's opposed or not, yet.

_I finally stopped tripping on my youth  
I finally got lost inside of you  
I finally know I needed to grow  
And finally my mate has met my soul_

She says that they can name him Keith, if he'd like. And he looks at her. _Is she asking for a baby?_ She smiles and says no. She's telling him that she's having a baby. So he'd better get used to it. And he feels like he's on air. She thinks she's dropping a bomb. And he knows that he just got the best news ever. The music in the background says it all. Brooke had a thing for the lyrics. So he ignored the fact that it's some pop star singing. And let her use some sell out song for their first dance. Now listening, he's glad. Because the lyrics convey it all.

_Finally  
Now my destiny can begin  
Though we will have our differences  
Something strange and new is happening  
Finally  
Now my life doesn't seem so bad  
It's the best that I've ever had  
Give my love to him finally_

_**That's right. Destiny. And now, it's fulfilled.**_

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That is literally all she wrote. Stay tuned for the thank yous. And thank you for reading. I mean it.

-Corey


	12. Your Love is Alright, I Do Believe

**Thank yous.**

I thought that I'd give a few personal thank yous. Because there are people I couldn't have done this without. And I'm eternally grateful to them.

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First and foremost, the girls (and guy or two) at the BL S&S thread are all to thank. It's literally the only place on the internet that I've found as a haven for Blers. I felt like giving back to them. This was about faith and since I'm the captain of their ship, lol, I thought I needed to write out faith. I hope I did you girls proud.

The MSN girls are love. I love FF because it brought me to all of you. 3 You girls have my heart.

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**Cami**- Miss Camila, you started this. It's all you. You wanted canon faith and I wanted that for you. I hope I did that for you. I hope you enjoyed this very long one shot. Slash labor of love to you. Hahaha. It was written in your honor and you are the new awesome, your icons are love, and I love you. .kis. That's me taking my heart out to you.

**Chey**- I have been writing things down my whole life. No one has ever known about or seen my writing until you forced me into it. You believed in me and made me believe in myself. For that, your semi-permanent eye damage (:P) and many other reasons- I love you. Thank you for being a friend. Oh and remember this- (I know you'll appreciate it) "Yeah, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire, it's all you can hope for. This year, I wished for love. To immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me tragedy. Because I wouldn't give it back for the world." Plus- It is better to have loved and lost than never to love at all. Don't hide out babe; it only breeds regret. And you don't want to hang out with what might have been. I only say it because I love you. I really do, Chey, and I only want what's best for you.

**Christine**- BG- My twin. My family. I love you. I can't believe that anyone, esp our own parents :no, would be so cruel as to separate us at birth. All of these years! I've missed you! And you missed out on a year of legally drinking! It's an outrage! Seriously though- you pushed me as much as Chey to come out of hiding with my writing. When I need intellect, I come straight to you. There's so much to say that it'd take forever. So I'll just thank you for VM, and thank you for your love. It means the world to me. You're my favorite. By default. Of course. ;)

**Lou**- My partner in crime, My TLA, I remember the first day we talked. It was the day that I posted season four. The fact that a writer as amazing as you was anticipating my update made me want to update so much more. Thank you for all the proofing and pushing you did. We're going to write that pilot. And it's going to be awesome, since we're both made from God's box of fabulous. And our triangle won't suck. Because we actually know the right components to a love story. You were 95-101 in the reviews. It's because you are awesome. And I love you as you love me 3

**Kristin**- I know you didn't give up on this. Even when I did. Thank you for caring enough to bug me. It's finally done. Woot.

**Dana**- I know you want me to write more. I don't that I can. I want to you write more too. And you haven't. Thank you for so openly loving this story. You're an amazing writer and your opinion means the world to me.

**Olivia**- Your reviews are made of win. I love the way you read. So actively picking apart every detail. The fact that you take the time to do that means everything.

**Amanda**- Thank you for reviewing. I know you don't like to but you are made of win and so are your reviews. We may disagree on some things (coughLoganEcholscough) but we'll always have BL. ;)

**Carol**- You came into the story (and chats) late. But you are so awesome. If ever I need my ego stroked, I'm coming right to you. Thank you for loving my story. It means so much to me. And remember, we're friends. You need me, I'm here. Always.

**Lizzy**- Even though you owe me, I love you! At least I know you like the story. Thank God for 3 am drugged up convos. Hahahah.

**Kel**- You read over the first couple of chapters for me and always assured me when I needed it. Thank you!

**Janie**- My soulmate. I miss you lately. Thanks for reading! Come onto MSN more! LU.

**Shailee**- You are my partner in all this getting a certain someone fired campaigning. It will happen. Thanks for reading hun. And thanks for the texts letting me know how I'm doing at two am heh.

**Audra**- Thanks for reviewing. It means a lot to me that you liked it.

**Ali**- Are you still here? I've missed talking to you lately! Come on more often. When you aren't avoiding working. Thanks for reviewing.

_**Everyone else who took the time to read or review or add me to your alerts and/or favorites- thank you all.**_ It means the world to me that this story was so well liked. Maybe I'll do it again sometime. Not anytime soon. But maybe sometime.

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I just want to say that I started this for faith. I ended it with a great appreciation for the writers. And a love for you all. But I also sort of let go of BL. In a way that I didn't think was possible. This is the way I'll always picture it happening. I'll never accept the crap we're being served right now. And if it doesn't change .. this is just the ending for me. I hope you all have that same sense of peace. Thank you once again.. and for good times sake.. review once more please :)!!

-- Corey.


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